Abad Bovan
by filimeala
Summary: "Do you see it?" Nuil asked pointing to the stars. Thorin watched her hand, tracing the outline of a ring of stars. "My father called it the 'mountain crown', abad bovan. He saw it over Erebor. He called it fate. A right to rule" Thorin watched her eyes gleam with old memories. "I do not condemn your quest, Thorin, but I am wary of the fate you will meet," she whispered.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. Save for characters that are not in his works. Erebor, Arnor, Lake Evendim, and all other places in Middle Earth are not mine. **

**This is the brainchild of the movie and book, that I've been writing, rewriting, and editing for the past couple months. Only now after getting so far along in it have I managed to finally post it. I've done lots of research, so hopefully everything will be accurate and in line with the story. If not, feel free to review or PM me with any concerns that need to be addressed. I _stress and encourage_ lots of constructive criticism, since this story is one of my more serious works. It is also my first hobbit fanfiction, and after reading countless others for the past eight months, I wish to add mine to the list. _Read, Review, and Enjoy!_**

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**Abad Bovan**

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**"Everything you can imagine is real"**

**~Pablo Picasso**

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Since she had been young, there had always been a certain level of expectation set for her. She was the only daughter out of seven brothers. It was only natural, given her family heritage, that she follow in their footsteps. A female child had not been born in their family for many, _many_ generations. Her birth itself had been a cause for celebration, and despite the fact that she was the eighth child, she was cherished most of all. But her father, Nolen, always prided himself in his seven strong sons.

It also meant she had no shortage of willing teachers.

They found it hard to resist her wide pleading hazel eyes when she wanted to learn how to skip stones in the pond outside their home, or how to trap rabbit. Eventually it grew into how to wield a bow and sword, to tracking, then hunting. She was talented, but not perfect. Nolen made it his goal to push her the hardest, for being a girl and the youngest. But he loved her, like a father should. Her mother Meldamar, however despaired of instilling more _'ladylike_' qualities in her daughter. It was mere luck that she could thread a needle and sew with some proficiency.

They lived in a handsome cottage, settled in the northern reaches of the shire called Arnor, overlooking a small valley between two large hills and near Lake Evendim. It was a pretty place, green and seemingly always in spring. At least to her. Winters were harsh, bitter and cold. Meldamar would not allow her out for fear of her catching a cold. But she loved the crisp white blanket that covered the hills, how it sparkled in the sunlight, and crunched beneath her doeskin boots.

They lived in shouting distance to a small hobbit village. The lovely round doors set in the hills sometimes open in the summer heat to let the sweet smell of baked pies, and breads fill the air. She played with the hobbit children, when she was not with her brothers. They thought her hairless feet, and long limbs freakish. It was common to be taunted for it, along with her somewhat straighter hair. Due to her more fiery nature, it was an often occurrence for her to be sent home with a scolding letter to give to her parents.

"Nuil!" Her mother scolded. "You must stop picking fights with them!"

"They started it!" Nuil replied, scowling up from the butter churn she was being forced to work. Meldamar pressed her lips into a thin line and shook her head.

"It does not mean you need to finish it," she told her. Turning back to her sewing she muttered under her breath: "What is your father teaching you?"

When she was nine summers old, Nolen decided to take her on one of his travels. It was like an initiation, a coming of age, in their family. A journey to test the skills of that had been learned. It was no secret that the northern reaches of the Shire were safe, because of their family. They were notorious for hunting the great wolves that once roamed freely there, and on occasion, warg.

Nolen, his eldest son Noledhe, and Nuil, set out in the early spring. They traveled for several weeks through the Shire, visiting Hobbiton even. Nuil found she rather liked traveling, and after returning home it was not long before they set out again. They went to the east, through Bree, Rivendell, and the Misty Mountains. Foregoing the dark paths of Mirkwood, they went south along its borders, and back north to reach the sunny markets of Dale. The city of men was tall and proud, filled with laughter, music, and wares of all sorts.

But it was nothing compared to the towering peak of the Lonely Mountain; Erebor, were our story really begins.

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**CHAPTER ONE**

**T.A. 2766**

It was dreadfully cold, as they walked up the road leading to the great gates of Erebor. The wind nipped at her nose, making it bright red and numb. She sniffled silently into the folds of her cloak, earning a sympathetic look from Noledhe. The last legs of their journey had been getting harder for her due to the changing of seasons. Waking up with frost on oneself was not a bright way to begin the day.

Nuil could not help but admire the few dwarrows passing them, in their fine fur cloaks and gold laden fingers. While she did have her own handsome fur lined cloak, theirs were more fine and stitched with gold thread. She stared at their beards, the great masses of hair clinging to their chins, decorated with elaborate braids and beads made from precious metals. Her own father kept his beard at a considerably shorter length, while Noledhe only had a short scruff to boast himself. Nuil also realized that her father was only slightly taller than the dwarves. She had noticed quickly in Dale how the men towered over them; though she had not done this in Bree.

"Papa?"

Nolen grunted, looking down at her slightly as they journeyed to the green stone gates.

"Are you a dwarf?"

Nolen stopped abruptly, looking down at her with a deep frown. Noledhe coughed, trying to hide the laugh that had burst from his lips. Nolen gave him a stern look and returned to her. He sighed slightly.

"Nuil, I am not a dwarf, but a half dwarf I am."

"Is Mama a dwarf?"

Noledhe let out a bellowing laugh, and Nolen's lips quirked upwards. "No little one. Your mother is of the race of men." Nuil frowned, puzzlement clouding her features, as she stared up at Nolen with wide hazel eyes.

"Then what are you?"

Nolen let out a huff, almost laughing at his youngest child. "I am many things, Nuil. We are of a line of Dunedain, married several times to hobbits and dwarves."

Nuil paused, before understanding lit her face. "You're a dwarobbit?"

Nolen blinked, smiling slightly. "Of course, child. I'm a-" with some hesitation "-dwarobbit." He patted her shoulder, urging her forward. She complied easily, moving ahead of them. Noledhe chuckled.

"Are you going to let her call us that?" He asked. Nolen looked at his son.

"It is the truth, is it not?"

At the gates they were stopped, two dwarf guards blocking their way with mighty axes. The blades were gleaming in the sunlight, sharp. They wore helms that covered their faces, only their beards showing.

"Halt!" said one.

"What is your business in Erebor?" asked the other. Nuil watched her father place himself before them, Noledhe at his right shoulder while she peeked around her fathers cloak shyly.

"I am Nolen, these are my children. I seek an audience with Thror, King Under the Mountain," Nolen said in a strong clear voice. There was a moment of silence that hung in the air before the dwarves simultaneously moved away, uncrossing their axes and standing perfectly still. Nolen nodded to them and continued on.

Nuil grabbed her fathers cloak, suddenly nervous about going within the mountain. She did not know if it was like a hobbit hole, which was nice, bright and warm. Was Erebor dark, and cold? Nuil jogged to keep up with her fathers long strides. They passed through the gate, and her fears were dashed to the side as her eyes landed on the sight before her.

No.

It was not like a hobbit hole. It was so much more.

The long road became a street, lined by pillars of stone, carved with dwarven symbols. Gold gleamed along the walls, set in the pillars themselves, lit by a multitude of blazing torches. There were dwarves, wide ones, fat ones, thin ones(only slightly), old and young. Even dwarf women.

Nuil had never seen a dwarf woman before. It was rather alarming to realize that the women, in fine dresses, had _beards_. They were not the full ones that the dwarf men had. No, they were more slight, yet the hair growing from their faces was undeniably a beard. They were braided, some with beads, or gold woven in them. Elegantly groomed, and styled. Nuil was slightly confused at first, turning and watching them as she followed her father.

She followed gazing with childlike awe at the wide streets, glittering jewels, and dwarves. It was quickly over when they stopped before yet another door, another set of dwarven guards stationed before them. These doors were carved with tall imposing dwarf figures. As they opened with a great rumble she was pulled forward by her fathers cloak.

The hall before them was a great cavern. Along the walls were statues of dwarves, a crown on every one, yet each characteristically different. The path became a bridge, over a long deep drop, leading up to the throne before them, where dwarves gathered. When the door had opened, the dwarves, turned and watched them as they approached. Nuil found herself wondering why her father had wanted to come here.

While is was beautiful, it was also frightening. At only ten winters old, Nuil felt very small compared to these great dwarves. They stopped at the foot of the throne, Nolen bowing, followed by Noledhe. Nuil hid herself, peering at them from behind her father.

"Hail, Thror, King Under the Mountain," her father began. "I am Nolen of Arnor, this is my son Noledhe, and Nuilweyil, my daughter."

Nuil would have wrinkled her nose at her father using her birth name, but she was too engrossed with the dwarves before her. The king was well aged, his hair riddled heavily with white, a great crown resting on his brow. On his right stood another dwarf, similar in features, but only less aged. They both wore deep blue, and watched with dark, wary blue eyes.

"I would welcome you, Master Nolen, but I know you not," King Thror replied, his fingers tapping the arm of his throne as he gazed at them. Her father nodded understandingly.

"Then let me tell you of myself," he said. King Thror raised his chin, his eyes moving from her father, to Noledhe, and finally resting on her.

"You bring a young one with you?"

"My youngest."

"Come forward, child. Do not hide behind your father, let me see you," King Thror commanded. Nuil glanced up at her father, who nodded encouragingly to her. Slowly she pulled away and stepped forward. From behind her father she had not been able to see the dwarf on King Thror's left. He was of the same bearing as the first two, only much younger, no trace of white in his hair. He wore the same fine tunic, with the same wary eyes. Nuil's eyes went back to the king.

"My, you are very young," King Thror said surprised. Nuil flushed, wanting very much to be back behind her fathers cloak. Back home, she was sometimes mistaken for an adult hobbit, because she was so much taller than the other hobbit children. But here, there was no possibility for that. "Come closer."

Nuil glanced back at her father, but his eyes were on the king. With slow timidness she approached, stopping at the base of the steps. He looked down at her, interest in his eyes.

"Nuilweyil . . ." he murmured. "A very pretty name, for a very pretty lady."

She flushed again, her fingers running nervously over the fur of her cloak. "Thank you."

King Thror turned his attention back to her father, interest burning in his eyes clearly now.

"I will speak with you Master Nolen, come," King Thror said. With a wave of his hand he rose to his feet and Nolen followed, placing a comforting hand on Nuil's shoulder before disappearing down a hall with the king.

Nuil went back to her brother, attaching herself to his cloak and gazing at the great cavern. She paid no mind to the dwarves leaving after the king and did not notice Noledhe stiffen until a voice pulled her from her awe-filled wanderings.

"Where do you hail from?"

Nuil turned, finding the young dwarf from King Thror's left before them. Her brother placed a protective hand on her back.

"Arnor. North of the Shire, beside the Lake Evendim," Noledhe replied. Nuil noticed his stiff stance, and looked back to the dwarf. Both stared at one another while she watched in silence. Suddenly the dwarf looked down to her, and Nuil reached for her brothers hand instinctively.

"How old is she?"

"Ten winters," Noledhe said after a pause. The dwarf's eyes narrowed at her, and she pressed herself closer to Noledhe.

"Why would you bring a youngling so far a distance?" he said it with a voice of disbelief, eyes never leaving her.

Suddenly finding a small ounce of courage she spoke, "I like to travel, there is so much to see."

The dwarf did not respond to her, only stared with a unnameable look. Noledhe broke the silence however.

"It is a coming of age rite," he explained with some pride lacing his voice. "Every one of us, at nine winters, takes a journey with our father."

" 'One of us'," echoed the dwarf. "How many are you?"

"Seven," Nuil immediately offered.

"Eight," corrected Noledhe. "Seven brothers, one sister."

The dwarf stared at them as if they had told him that dwarves could suddenly grow to the height of elves. Noledhe did not like it, and his hand around Nuil's tightened. Yet Nuil felt her curiosity grow with each passing word spoken and finally asked the question that both siblings wanted to ask.

"What may we call you, master dwarf?"

Both looked down at her with varying levels of surprise, and Nuil flushed. She returned to trying to hide behind her brother, knowing that she had crossed some barrier of etiquette. Her mother was always scolding her for such things. But she found no reassurance from Noledhe. He was still in shock over her blunt question.

It was plain as day to him that this dwarf was a member of the royal family.

Nuil did not expect the sudden kind look that entered his features, nor did she expect him to bend down on one knee before her. And she did not expect the next words that came from his mouth.

"I am Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror."

Nuil immediately knew who this dwarf was, and so did Noledhe. He paled, glancing down at his sister. Would she be punished for her blunt question, that was by no means respectful? Relief flooded through him when Thorin reached forward and ruffled his sisters hair with a fond look.

No, she would be fine.

Nuil's eyes lifted suddenly, landing on her father as he returned with King Thror. Nolen was smiling and spread his arms wide towards her. Without waiting she ran towards him, flinging herself into his waiting arms.

Thorin rose and watched her, Noledhe standing beside him. Noledhe watched his father set Nuil down and speak with her. Without thinking he spoke to the prince beside him.

"Erebor already holds a place in her heart." He had seen his little sisters awed looks. It was the same way he viewed their home back in Arnor, as he gazed out over Lake Evendim in the early hours of dawn. He knew she would not leave willingly.

Thorin hummed, saying nothing.

Nuil came running back to them, her eyes bright, smile wide. "Is it not wonderful?!" she cried, grabbing Noledhe's hands. "We are staying!"

Noledhe looked up to his father. Nolen nodded, a smile of his own stretched across his face.

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**Hope you enjoyed reading this. There are some things I had to change in this story in regards to characters birth dates, and how old they are when everything happens. If you've read the book you may have noticed that Thorin is one of the oldest characters, even Balin is younger than him, so I've taken a few liberties because I like how the movie portrays them more. You will see this later I suppose.**

**_My first question is_, what do you think of Nuil and her family? Or the family so far?**

**Also in Tolkien's pronunciation/thing (idk what it's called :P but I found it in the back of the Silmarillion ) the 'dh' is pronounced with a 'th' sound. So Noledhe would sound like '_Noleth_' not _'Noled-he_'. I just liked the way the name looked, so that's why it's spelled that way. I also pronounce Nuil's name like this, _'New-ill-way-ill_'. It just stuck when I was coming up with names so . . .**

**Read! Review! Tell me what you liked/didn't like!**

**~filimeala**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. Save for characters that are not in his works.**

**I decided that I might as well post another chapter, and I've tried to go through and get everything fixed in it. Like I said before, review or PM if you see anything that needs to be fixed (or if you like it).**

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**"Family, means no one gets left behind or forgotten"**

**~David Ogden Stiers **

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**CHAPTER TWO**

**T.A. 2766**

Nuil grumbled as she tapped her foot against the stone beneath her feet. She did not like being left behind. She did not like watching her father and brother walk out the gates of Erebor without her. But she understood her fathers reasoning, and she did not want to leave Erebor so soon.

After spending several weeks in the dwarf kingdom, Nolen had decided that he and Noledhe needed to return home to bring back their family. When he had spoken with King Thror, he had been offered a place on the royal guard. Nolen accepted. When they had been given their handsome accommodations, Noledhe had finally voiced his opinion of his fathers choice. In the living area, the fire in the hearth blazing, Noledhe had spoken:

"I cannot live here, father. I do not love this place."

So it was decided that they would return to Arnor, Noledhe would stay, and whomever wanted to go would return to Erebor. But she would stay, until they returned. Nuil was nervous at being left by herself. The journey itself was long. It would be many months before she saw any of her family again.

When they had finally disappeared from her sight, Nuil turned and went back into the mountain. She was silently joined by a dwarven guard. She had been given one to watch over her; he would report to the king himself of what she was up to, where she had been, and if she was in good health. Nuil didn't want someone to take care of her, so this was what she got.

Nuil quietly opened the door to their home, nodding to the dwarf guard, and entered. It had been decorated slightly. A plush sofa by the fire, rug on the floor, table in the corner, chairs. She went to the kitchen, slicing bread for herself, before going to her room.

She passed several days within the walls of her home, in the same manner. After the fifth, there was a firm knock on the door. Nuil, paused, looked up from the book in her lap. Another knock came and slowly she rose to her feet. Biting her lip she open the door, coming face to face with a dwarf woman.

The dwarf woman had dark hair, her beard was finely groomed, and wore a gown of deep crimson red. Her brown eyes looked Nuil over, a frown forming.

"By Mahal, child, what on earth are you doing cooped up in there?" There was clear disapproval in her voice. Nuil swallowed.

"Reading."

The dwarf woman huffed with disbelief. "Reading?" Then her eyes narrowed. "You will come with me." Nuil opened her mouth to protest, but was stopped. "First, you must bathe." Without waiting, the dwarf woman pushed her way into her home, making her way to the bathing room. Nuil scrambled after her.

"I will draw you a bath."

"But I can do that-"

"Nonsense, do as I say." Nuil snapped her mouth shut and let the dwarf woman do what she pleased. There was a clear threat in her voice. Instead she sat on a bench and watched. Then the dwarf woman turned to her.

"Undress, and get in," she ordered.

Nuil shed her pants and tunic, the only clothes she had with her besides her spare set. She slipped off her underthings and lowered herself in the stone tub. Without warning the dwarf woman was suddenly scrubbing her down; there was no gentleness in the action. Nuil's skin was scrubbed until it was pink, her hair washed until her scalp hurt, and the water a murky color. And she had thought she was clean. A bucket of cold water was dumped on her, making her gasp.

When she was done, she was ushered into her bedroom, dried and presented with a new set of clothes. It was a dress, a warm earthy green, simple. It was nowhere near as fine as the dwarf womans. She dressed, allowing her hair to be handled and braided until she was being scrutinized with narrowed brown eyes.

"It will do," the dwarf woman said. "Come."

Nuil hurried after her, stumbling slightly with the skirt of her dress. They entered the hall, and continued on. She jogged to keep up. Only when they were outside a closed door did she get the chance to speak.

"Forgive me, but I never learned your name," Nuil said.

"I am Nan," the dwarf woman said, before opening the door. They entered a room, filled to the brim with shelves of books and scrolls. At one of the tables sat a small dwarf child, her head rising to look at the new comers with curious blue eyes. She wore a gold embellished blue gown, a small black hairs dusted her jaw line. Like all the dwarf women Nuil had met, she was very well groomed. Except this was the first dwarf child she had seen. "This is where you will come now. You are a guest of King Thror, and will learn Khuzdul."

"Khuzdul?"

"The language of the dwarves, young one," Nan replied with apparent annoyance. "Do not make me repeat myself. It is a great honor." Nuil was roughly led forward and seated in a chair. Nan sat before her and shoved a book in front of her. "Read."

Nuil looked down at the page, her eyes moving over the symbols but not comprehending them. She looked back up at Nan.

"I can't."

"No. You can," Nan growled. "The first word is, 'ningul'. Say it."

"Ningul," Nuil said. "What does it mean?"

"Gladden."

"Oh. Ningul."

"The next . ."

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oOo

She learned Khuzdul from Nan for several weeks. It was slow progress, but that was to be expected from a language that was difficult to learn. Nan was very impatient with her, calling her 'slow' or 'stupid' among other things. Nuil did not like it, but it seemed like Nan was to be her caretaker until her family returned. Nan was always with her, cooking meals for her, bathing her, sitting with her. She was almost a mother to Nuil, save for there was no affection in the action. Or so she thought.

"She's not as bad as she seems," uttered a voice, breaking Nuil from her thoughts as she tried to read the book Nan had given her that day. Nuil looked up, meeting the blue eyes of the dwarf girl who was often in the library when she was. "Nan. She's awfully nice once you get to know her."

"You . . know her?" Nuil asked softly.

"Of course," said the girl with a smile. "She was one of my nannies, before she volunteered to watch over you."

"Nannies?" Nuil echoed. The girl nodded proudly.

"I have four. Well- three, now that Nan is with you."

"What about your mother?" Nuil asked frowning. The dwarf girl looked away, her eyes straying back to her own book. Somehow, Nuil knew she had said something wrong. Nannies were for children who didn't have parents right? Or at least if they were busy?

"Ma died when I was born," she said, slowly raising her eyes back to Nuil's. She bit her lip.

"I'm sorry," Nuil murmured. The girl only shrugged with some form of indifference.

"I have my father, Thorin and Frerin," she said lightly. "My name is Dis, by the way. Daughter of Thrain, son of Thror."

"Nuilweyil, daughter of Nolen," Nuil said. "I prefer Nuil, though."

They stared at each other for a long while, Dis sizing her up, and Nuil trying to think of what to say next. Slowly Dis returned to her book and Nuil did the same, trying to figure out what the words meant. But her mind slowly returned to her father and brother. Would they be over the Misty Mountains by now? Or still traveling around Mirkwood? It was around noon when Dis rose from her chair. Nuil kept her eyes on her book, but Dis had other plans.

"I like you." Nuil's eyes shot up to the young dwarf girl, surprised. "Join me?"

Nuil rose from her seat, silently following Dis out into the hall and trailing along behind her. She had no idea what Dis had in mind, but she certainly did not expect to find herself in a long dining hall, before the king and the rest of their family. The king saw her, lifting a brow at his granddaughter before Dis slipped her hand into Nuil's.

"This is Nuil, my friend," she stated confidently. Nuil was dragged into a chair beside Dis. She kept her head down, a sudden heat flooding her cheeks, embarrassed. Talk slowly built as the family returned to their normal conversations. Nuil soon learned that dwarves ate like hobbits, just without the usual politeness. Of course being royalty meant that they were more respectable in their table manners, but it didn't limit them from the occasional burp or excessive consumption of ale.

"How you find Erebor, little Nuilweyil?" King Thror suddenly asked, stilling everyone. Nuil raised her eyes timidly and glanced at the dwarves around her.

"I- I greatly enjoy it," she replied. There was a moment of silence, as all eyes rested on her and slowly the king smiled.

"Nith aktub alugab ghelekhul," King Thror said to Thrain. Nuil suddenly realized that she had responded to the king in Khuzdul. "Nan zokhosal sanghelekh." Nuil felt her hands tremble, surprise running through her. She could not read Khuzdul well, but she understood it as if she was speaking in her mother tongue. Nuil was receiving several curious looks, most of all from the king and his son. When she looked up she was shocked to find Thorin looking at her with a small smile, his brother seated on his right smiling widely.

After the meal, Nuil followed Dis down to her family home, a great mansion carved into the heart of the mountain, and not far from King Thror's hoard of gold . . . Nuil was led to a balcony overlooking the deeper parts of the mountain, where the two girls sat silently for a few short moments.

"From all the insults Nan was throwing at you, I thought you knew no Khuzdul whatsoever," Dis said. "You surprised me."

"I didn't know," Nuil breathed, "it just came to me."

Dis smiled and pulled her into a tight embrace. "We will be good friends, no?"

"I would like that," Nuil murmured with a smile. She had never really had friends back home. She was mostly teased for her appearance, picked fights, and caused the young hobbit children to run from her. This was new, and Nuil found she liked it. She liked Dis. Even if her grandfather was the King Under the Mountain.

"Does it make you sad that you do not have a beard?" Dis asked, her arms resting on the stone balcony railing. Her blue eyes were on Nuil. She shrugged and joined Dis, looking at the great stairs that went down into the mountain.

"Not particularly," Nuil told her. "Where I am from, no one other than my father and brothers have beards. It would be . . . odd, if I had one."

"How so?"

"I'm not sure," Nuil murmured, her brows pulling together. "Wouldn't it itch all the time, especially with our soft skin?"

Dis snorted. "Dwarves do not have soft skin."

"Oh."

"But dwarf women tend to have smoother skin," Dis added, seeing Nuil's expression. "How old are you?"

"Ten winters," Nuil replied with a smile.

"I myself am ten winters as well," said Dis. "I am the youngest as well."

"Really?" Nuil said, elated that they both shared this same characteristic. Someone to understand her, who also had older brothers.

"Yes. Frerin is five years my elder, and Thorin is ten years my elder."

"I don't even know how old my oldest brother is . . ." Nuil murmured with a frown. She had never asked, and birthdays had never been about age, with her as the exception.

"How many are you?"

"Seven brothers," Nuil said. "Noledhe, the eldest, and then Nedoheen, Nogoth, Nurgon, Nildar, Nurnedhe, and Nilwe. Nilwe is my favorite, we are closest in age."

"I saw your eldest brother, he looked older by the standards of men," Dis said. "Your father and mother must be very old by now."

Nuil tilted her head and thought. Dis seemed to be correct. Perhaps it was her young view of the world and the naive belief that they would always be a family. But she had seen her fathers graying hair, her mothers aging face. She had never bothered to ask their ages, nor her brothers. Nuil had always assumed that they would stay the way they were, as a family.

* * *

oOo

Nuil was sitting with Nan as Dis was fitted for another one of her many dresses. It was customary for the princess to receive a new, gold embroidered down every few weeks. Nuil could see that Dis loved the lush fabric, bought from the markets of Dale. Nuil loved it too, it was certainly very pretty.

Nan was reading a book while she watched. She had come to find that Nan was not so mean as she had thought her to be. Especially once the King had thanked her for teaching her Khuzdul so well. Their lessons had changed from reading the language to speaking it. Nan, however, still forced her to read Khuzdul, hoping that once she was ready, they would move onto learning how to write it. Nuil thought it looked easy enough, but Dis had told her otherwise.

"Nan?"

"Yes, young one?"

"Does Dis have any other friends? Any other dwarf children?"

Nan set her book down, looking her in the eye with pursed lips. Nuil feared she had spoken out of turn, but did not apologize when Nan spoke.

"Dwarf children are . . . not very common." She gave a sigh. "We are prospering greatly, but the number of dwarf women is very small. Births are rare, as are marriages."

Nuil was silent.

"You do know how children come to be, young one?" Nan asked, watching the young girls face. Nuil nodded quickly, heat flooding her cheeks. Nan gave her an approving nod.

"Well, then. Now you know." Nan glanced back at the princess. "It is also a matter of who her father allows her to make friends with. You are very lucky, young one, he was impressed by your Khuzdul. It is not often taught willingly to strangers."

Nuil would later learn that it was not taught at all to strangers. Khuzdul was a secret guarded jealously by dwarves. The fact that she had even been taught, held a very important meaning. The king liked her, and approved of her father. He trusted her family.

"It's your turn, Nuil!" Dis cried, jumping down from the stool she had been perched on. Nuil blinked at her, mouth popping open with surprise.

"Why?"

Dis rolled her eyes. "You get a dress too. Adad said so."

Nuil rose slowly, she got to have a dress too? But she was only a guest, surely she was not going to be given a fine dress fit for royalty? Would her father have to pay for it? She swallowed nervously.

"Come. Be fitted first, then we'll return tomorrow for a fitting."

Nuil shakily stood on top of the stool as the dwarf woman (she had thought to be a male dwarf upon first glance) measured her. Dis was smiling as Nan returned to her book.

"I don't really need a dress, Dis," Nuil said. "I already have three."

"Nonsense."

"What's nonsense?"

They turned to the door, Dis huffing with annoyance, Nuil looking from the dwarf to Dis. Nuil recognized him from dinner, five days ago. This was Frerin, Dis's older brother. He bore the same resemblance to Thorin, except his eyes were warmer and he seemed more carefree.

"Frerin, what are you doing here?" Dis asked.

"Come to see my lovely sister-"

"Or my fists."

Frerin held up his hands, grinning. "Easy little sister, I wanted to meet your friend. It is not often we see you so gentle towards anyone." Frerin looked towards Nuil, his smile widening.

"I am Frerin, son of Thrain, son of Thror. At your service," he bowed. Nuil blinked, a smile crossing her lips. He was certainly a charmer.

"Nuilweyil, daughter of Nolen," she replied. Dis rolled her eyes.

"Now can you go? We're busy," Dis growled.

"Come now, Dis," Frerin said. "I only want to spend my free time with you. Father has allowed me some leisure time away from training."

This peaked Nuil's interest. As the tailor turned away, finished with her work, she jumped down and rushed to Dis's side.

"Training?"

Frerin gave her an odd look. He noticed how her eyes lit up, the hazel depths gleaming with excitement. It was endearing. Slowly he nodded, amused.

"What kind? Bow? Sword? Ax? Mace?" she shot off quickly. Frerin held up his hands.

"Calm down mimel 'urs," Frerin said, making Nuil clamp her jaw shut. Her cheeks went pink and Dis rolled her eyes, again. Then Frerin puffed out his chest. "I happen to prefer the sword, but I'm not too bad with a battle ax."

Dis scoffed. "Thorin beats you every time."

"That's because he's older," Frerin snapped. Dis gave him a smug look.

"I like the sword too," Nuil said, causing both to raise their brows at her. "Noledhe has been teaching me, but my mother doesn't like it."

Frerin smiled at his sister, and surprisingly she smiled back.

"I think you should show us," Frerin said.

"Yes. Show us what you know," Dis added, and the two exchanged a look. Nuil suddenly felt like she had trapped herself, and Nan's chuckle only seemed to prove that to be correct. And that was how she found herself, not an hour later, sword in hand, facing Frerin in the training arena.

* * *

**So I made Dis older here, because she is about ten when Erebor is taken, but I wanted to give Nuil a playmate. Also I changed the year she was born because Dis would really be six when she meets Nuil, and I wanted them to be a bit older. So the yeah, Dis and Nuil are born in T.A. 2756 in my story. Sorry I'm being so technical about this, but I'm pretty into this story. :)**

**Translations: (I suck at languages so I probably butchered it)**

**mimel -little (literally little of little)**

**'urs - fire**

**amad - mother**

**Nith aktub alugab ghelekhur- the girl knows the language well **

**Nan zokhosal sanghelekh- Nan is the perfect teacher**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	3. Chapter 3

******Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. Save for characters that are not in his works.**

**So I'm going to follow Nuil's childhood for a little bit, just to get her past all in the story. Feel free to review or PM if you see anything that doesn't fit or seem to work, I can fix it. Plus her childhood ties into how much Erebor means to her. On with the story!**

* * *

**"A true friend freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently,**

**defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably."**

**~William Penn**

* * *

**CHAPTER THREE**

**T.A. 2766**

Dwarves took all fights seriously. Perhaps it was because they used real weapons, or the fact that they seemed bred to fight. Nuil could not find the will to distinguish the two. Whether it was practice or the real thing, she knew they viewed all fights the same way. Very. Real.

Her first match with Frerin, had gone well. Nuil had the suspicion that he was holding back, especially when he challenged her the next day and she ended on her back within a few minutes. Or, it was her sore muscles from the day before.

A dwarf's strength lay in their arms. Part of it was also in their body, but mostly the arms. She had seen the others in the arena, their bulging biceps and hard muscles that made her swallow nervously. Her arms were twigs compared to them, even Frerin's. Nuil's strength lay in her legs. After months of travel, they had become strong and sturdy, taking most of the weight from Frerin's blows. But she was pitifully smaller than he was, and that did not matter in the end. She was still losing to him, a _month_ later.

Dis thought it was absolutely hilarious. She had even sided with her brother to watch him beat her. It was all in good fun, but Nuil hated it. She wished Noledhe was there to teach her more, so that she could win a match for once.

Nuil swung her sword again, lunging forward with the movement and glaring at the wall. She had decided to stay, after being beaten by Frerin, and work off steam. She knew she was incredibly young, a girl, and not expected to be great at wielding a sword, but she wanted to be. She wanted to be like her brothers.

After several minutes she sighed, staring at her shadow in the dirt. Surely her father and Noledhe were over the Misty Mountains now, maybe even past Bree? Three months seemed like ages to her. But with the coming winter, she knew her father wouldn't take to the road with her mother. He wouldn't subject Meldamar to such harsh weather. It's was past Durin's day already.

"You are not with my sister," said a low voice from behind her. Nuil turned quickly, looking up slightly at Frerin and Dis's eldest sibling, Thorin. He was looking down at her with a stern blue gaze. Much like how Dis had looked at her when she refused to be fitted for another dress.

"I did not know I was supposed to be," she muttered, her voice sounding more bitter than she had intended. The corners of Thorin's lips twitched with amusement.

"She has angered you already."

"Dis has done nothing, Frerin has," she said. Nuil had the feeling that she was pouting. She glared down at her feet. "He keeps beating me."

Thorin swore in Khuzdul, making Nuil's eyes go wide. He didn't notice however, looking down at her apologetically. "Frerin does not seem to understand that he will not get better if he doesn't fight someone better suited to him."

"But I _want_ to be better than him!" she blurted. "I want to beat him."

Thorin's brows rose. He found her passion amusing, and ruffled her hair. "Run along, Nuilweyil, my sister is looking for you."

Nuil clenched her jaw. Without waiting she turned and ran from the arena, angry. She decided then, that she did not like Dis's brother Thorin all that much.

* * *

oOo

Nuil was determined, despite Thorin's backhanded way of telling her that she should just give up. So determined, that Nuil found out that Nan was married to a dwarven guard. Girg. It so happened that he seemed to have a soft spot for young children. Within no time, she had Girg teaching her with the sword.

It was grueling work. He took his teaching seriously, and so did Nuil. But her duels with Frerin did not seem to improve. Not yet at least. But Girg encouraged her, and Nuil secretly thought he was fond of her too, like Nan. She even joined Nan and Girg for meals sometimes. It was almost like she had a little family.

When she wasn't studying with Dis in the library, or playing with Dis, she was training with Girg. One day, five months into her stay at Erebor, she was training with Girg when a tall dwarf entered the arena. His hair shaven on the sides of his head, leaving only a strip of hair running from his forehead to the back of his skull. His forearms, which rested on the head of an ax, were tattooed with dwarven symbols and scarred.

"Girg!" he called in a deep rough voice. Girg, in mid-sentence while lecturing her, turned.

"Dwalin!" he greeted. "What brings you here at this time?"

"I hear you're teaching a wee young one. A girl at that. I came to see if it was true," Dwalin replied, eying Nuil with calculating eyes.

"Aye, it's true," Girg replied. He turned back to Nuil. "Now. The best way to hold the sword while attacking an opponent that is larger than you, is to hold it with both hands, angled upwards. When you attack be prepared to be forced backwards. Always be prepared to find a different route of attack. With your size you will have agility, but not strength."

Nuil nodded, her eyes trained on Girg. She did what he explained, spreading her feet and lowering herself by bending her knees.

"Good."

Girg swung his sword at her, which she blocked with her own. The force jarred her arms, sending unpleasant vibrations to her shoulders. Her feet slid backwards on the dirt ground. Remembering what he said, Nuil ducked to the right suddenly, jumping away. She swung at his flank, her sword meeting Girg's in another clash.

"Very good." Girg backed up, raising his gloved hand. "That is all today. If I keep you from your studies any longer Nan will have my head." A grin was on his bearded face.

Nuil beamed at him, sheathing her smaller sword. She was glad he was letting her go now, her arms hurt. She was much too small to take full attacks from the dwarf. Part of her looked forward to the day when she could take the blows.

"Thank you, Master Girg." She ran to the edge passing the tall dwarf. "Good day, Master Dwalin!"

As she disappeared down the corridor, Dwalin went over to Girg. Girg sheathed his sword, turning to him. They clasped hands in friendly greeting.

"Well?"

"She shows potential," Dwalin murmured. "Despite not being a dwarf."

"Nuil has determination. Which is more than some dwarves I've seen," Girg replied, thinking of his brother.

"I told the king."

Both were silent.

"How did he take it?" Girg asked, uncertainty creeping into his voice.

"He seemed intrigued." Dwalin shifted from one foot to the other. "King Thror has already let her learn Khuzdul. Her father must have impressed the king."

"Have you seen the way she lights up?"

Dwalin cast Girg a frown.

"When she learns something new, or helps someone?"

"I did not think to look, Girg," Dwalin said. "One would think you care about this young one."

It was meant in jest but Girg nodded. "Nan and I have not been gifted with a child. Nuil is the closest thing to that . . . until her family returns." Girg sighed.

Dwalin patted the dwarf on the back. Nuilweyil was slowly weeding her way into their lives it seemed.

* * *

oOo

Nuil sat on Dis's right while Frerin was on her left. They were staring down the hoard of gold and jewels beneath the ledge they were on. Below them several dwarves were moving to and fro arranging the hoard. Dis and Frerin's eyes were alight with awe as they stared at the gold. Nuil was equally awed.

"So this is all yours?" she whispered to Dis.

"All of it," Frerin replied. "We each get a share, because we're family."

"Incredible!"

"_Shh_!" Dis hissed. "We're not supposed to be here."

"Hush, Dis!" Frerin whispered. "She wasn't supposed to know!"

"Why wasn't I supposed to know?" Nuil whispered. Frerin groaned, rolling his eyes. His hand rubbed his face, down his small black beard with annoyance.

"Well done, little sister."

"_Me?_ This was your idea!"

"What wasn't I supposed to know?" Nuil insisted. Dis sighed.

"Technically, Frerin and I aren't allowed to be in here," Dis said.

"Why? It's yours too."

"Well- yes," Dis went on, slightly uncomfortable. "But it's really our grandfathers. He doesn't like us in here."

"Especially after last time," Frerin cut in smirking. Dis scowled at him. Nuil looked from them both to the gold.

"Last time?"

"It was legendary!" Frerin said in a hushed voice. His eyes gleaming as he began his tale. "Thorin and I decided one day to have a battle down there. We took up golden arms, fighting each other to the death! When father came, he was followed by our livid grandfather. After scolding us, we were banned from the hoard."

"Which isn't fair," Dis muttered. "Because I was only a baby! I wasn't even there and I am still barred."

Frerin ruffle her hair, snickering. They fell silent for awhile.

"So when do you think your parents will arrive?" Dis asked quietly. Both siblings knew that Nuil missed her family, more than she was letting on. Nuil shifted uncomfortably, picking at the hem of her sleeve on her dress.

"Late spring, maybe," she said quietly. "Father wouldn't take mother through the wilds through winter. My brothers are probably going to travel with them."

"Cheer up, mimel 'urs," Frerin told her. "Spring is only three months away."

Nuil looked over at him with an eye roll. Three months. It seemed like an eternity to Nuil. Even then, there was no guarantee that they would arrive then.

"I think we should take something," she suddenly said feeling brave. The two looked at her with wide eyes. "Let's see if they notice if anythings gone missing."

"Are you _mad_?" Frerin gasped. "Grandfather will have your head!"

Nuil shrugged. "It was only a suggestion," she replied with a grin. The brother and sister exchanged a shake of the head and smile.

"I hear you're taking lessons with Girg," Frerin said. "Tired of losing?" He teased.

Nuil scowled at him. "Just you wait Frerin. One day I will best you."

Frerin scoffed, smiling. "I doubt that."

"Well, I will."

Frerin was about to counter her when Dis punched his arm in defense of her friend. He jerked back with a hiss, "Dis! Mahal that hurts!" before rolling off the side of the ledge with a surprised yelp. Both girls scrambled to look over the edge, wincing as Frerin crashed into the pile of gold below.

The dwarves arranging the hoard, descended on him, pulling him upright as he growled. When his head turned up, Dis and Nuil hid. They waited as Frerin was led out of the great hall, followed by shouting before the two girls rushed to the opening in the wall and crawled back out into the corridor.

Dis brushed off her skirt as they stood.

"You don't think he'll tell?" Nuil asked.

"Well, the ledge will be walled up for sure," Dis grumbled. "That little crybaby."

"You do realize that your punches hurt?"

Dis beamed at her. "Of course! But I'm a dwarf, and so is Frerin. He should be used to it. Do you want me to punch you?"

"What!" Nuil exclaimed, backing away. "No!"

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

Dis smirked. "Crybaby."

Nuil glared at Dis, turning she stomped down the hall. Hitting Dis would only begin a fight, that she most certainly wouldn't win. Dis ran to catch up with her.

"I didn't mean it Nuil," she laughed. "You are too serious."

"Can _I_ punch you?" Nuil asked, taking back her earlier thought.

"Sure."

Nuil punched Dis, sending the girl to the floor. Nuil clutched her hand, gasping. "Ow!"

Dis whipped her nose on her sleeve, laughing and lunged at Nuil, taking her to the ground. There the guards found them, Thorin leading them, in the middle of a fight. Both were throwing punches and rolling around on the floor.

Thorin, momentarily surprised, quickly separated the kicking and punching girls with a shout.

"Enough!"

Nuil rolled away from Dis, her nose bleeding and her right eye swelling up. Dis whipped her bloody nose again, a bruise on her temple. Both stared up at him out of breath but smiling.

"What has gotten into you both?" he demanded.

Dis grinned at her brother and replied innocently, "Just fighting, Thorin. It's only a game." Nuil smiled as well, a laugh escaping her lips. Thorin looked far from amused. He ignored Nuil and addressed his sister.

"Grandfather wants to see you. Both of you."

* * *

oOo

Nuil followed Dis all the way up to the throne, where King Thror waited. He looked down at them with dark eyes, making Nuil swallow nervously. He knew. Frerin was standing at his feet looking shamefaced, and not meeting their eyes. Yes, King Thror knew. _That little crybaby. _

"What do you have to say for yourselves?" King Thror demanded. He noted their beaten state, and his frown deepened.

"We were only looking, grandfather," Dis said. Her own eyes were cast to the floor. Nuil didn't dare lower hers however. King Thror's face seemed to freeze her. "Frerin fell off when I punched him."

Thrain's eyebrows rose at this, his look almost prideful as he looked at Dis. Frerin's shoulders slumped slightly. Obviously, he had left that detail out.

"You were there as well, Nuil?" Thror asked Nuil. She nodded. "Is it true you wanted to take something?"

"It was only a . . . suggestion," she said lamely and terribly frightened. She was going to kill Frerin. Thror did not look amused by this. Nuil let her eyes land on her feet. It certainly wasn't what she had wanted the king to know. Now that she thought about it, the suggestion seemed like a stupid one. It made her ashamed.

"And you, all were fighting?"

Thorin stepped forward at this point. "I found them brawling in the hall."

"I told Nuil she could punch me," Dis said. Thrain sighed.

"Did she know that it was a challenge to a fight?"

" . . . no."

"I didn't mind," Nuil added quickly. "It was fun." She smiled at Dis, who smiled back.

Thror frowned, looking from them both. "Frerin told me of the ledge that you watch from. I will have it walled up." Dis and Frerin looked up sharply. "But I will not punish you all for being curious." Nuil looked up. "Dis, Frerin, you may go."

Brother and sister looked at each other with shock before turning and leaving through a side door. Before they left, Dis gave a good solid punch at Frerin, and he stumbled forward. Nuil looked up at Thror, somewhat terrified that she had not been let go. Was she in trouble for hitting Dis? Or what she said?

"I hear Girg is teaching you swordsmanship," Thror said.

"Yes."

"Do you enjoy it?"

Nuil's face lit up, a smile spreading across it. "Yes! I love doing it. Girg is an excellent teacher, and I'm learning so much."

Thror nodded. He then looked at Thrain. "If you are willing, Nuil, you will be taught in other areas of weaponry. If not, I understand." He looked at Nuil. "Are you enjoying Erebor?"

"Yes, your majesty," she told him beaming. Thror nodded.

"Good. You may go."

* * *

**Yeah. Lots of sibling abuse here, it's all meant in good fun though. :) Frerin understands, Dis is just a little meanie. But she's also cute. I also added the gold hoard because Thror had his gold sickness and I think that it would have started to affect him at least a few years before Smaug attacks.**

**I also imagine that having a dwarf for a friend would mean that fights would be a common occurrence. They would be for fun, obviously, whether or not the dwarf was male or female. Just my thoughts, what do you readers think?**

**Next chapter, Nuil's family arrives. Yay! :)**

**A HUGE thank you to my reviewers, you made my day!:**

_**KingofTruands**_

_**Ballistic Babydoll**_

**And also to my followers, hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

**Translation: (only one Khuzdul word this time :P )**

_**mimel 'urs - little fire **_

**Read, Enjoy, Review!**

**~filimeala**


	4. Chapter 4

******Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. Save for characters that are not in his works.**

**A little bit of a filler chapter. So it's a little short. But I think that it'll be okay. The irrational part of me doesn't agree, but it'll be fine.**

* * *

**"You must remember, family is often born of blood, but it doesn't depend on blood. Nor is it exclusive of friendship. Family members can be your best friends, you know. And best friends, whether or not they are related to you, can be your family."**

**~Trenton Lee Stewart**

* * *

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_**T.A. 2767**_

"Nan?"

"Yes, young one?"

"Will we still do this when my family comes?" Nuil asked the dwarf woman, looking up from her book. They were in the library, studying. Dis was not there. She was away, with her family for some formal affair taking place between them and their cousins. Nuil had turned down Dis's invitation to come, merely because of the dress she saw Dis being fitted for. There was no way she would let them make her such a fine, extravagant dress. With gold trimmed hems, and embroidered symbols over the rich and luxurious fabric. If her mother saw the fine dresses she was currently wearing, she would have a fit.

Her family was used to a simple existence, with simple clothing, simple meals, and certainly no hoards of gold lingering around to see. They were hunters, and trackers. But if she was truly honest, fighters.

Nan looked at her with a closed off expression. The dwarf woman -like most dwarves- was greatly talented at hiding her true emotions. "I will still teach you, young one," she said. "There is much to learn when learning Khuzdul. But your mother will be your mother."

"Does that make us friends?" Nuil asked timidly. She did not want Nan to go. Over the progression of slow aching months of missing her family, Nan had become very dear to her. A slow smile crossed Nan's face.

"That would make me glad," she said, gaining a bright smile from the girl. "Very glad."

* * *

oOo

The season changed, bringing rain and a renewal of the rolling green hills that surrounded Erebor. The air became warm, with the lusty scent of flowers. There were few who were able spend the bright sunny days outside the mountain, contently soaking under the sun for a few hours. The markets of Dale filled with color and laughter, banishing the dark chill of winter that clung desperately to the white stone.

Flower chains were woven by the little girls of Dale. Nuil watched them from the gates of Erebor, a small longing feeling closing in on her, to be included in the large group of girls. But that was not to be so. Dwarven children, especially royal ones, had no time for frolicking in green hills, with flower crowns, pretending to be princesses. Nuil knew she was no royal child, but Dis was. Dis merely scoffed at the girls, turning back to the block of wood in her hand.

"I don't see why putting flowers in their hair is so joyous," she muttered, flicking wood shavings off her lap. "I also don't see why we cannot do this inside."

"A little sunlight never hurt anyone," Nuil replied, her eyes glued to the girls. "Besides, it's a springtime tradition. Back home we weave flowers into our hair and dance until the next day, drinking and dancing." Dis wrinkled her nose.

"The only good thing I see in that, is the drinking."

Nuil rolled her eyes. "We cannot even drink yet, Dis."

"Hasn't stopped me," she confessed. "Frerin has a terrible habit of not watching where he leaves his tankard." Her roguish grin made Nuil smile.

"Don't get caught."

"I don't intend on it." Dis's eyes lit up suddenly. "Just imagine. When I come of age, I will challenge Thorin to a drinking game, and I will have such a tolerance that it will amaze them!"

"They will say it flows in your blood," Nuil chuckled. Dis beamed.

"I fully intend on being better at something than my brothers, smithing is out of the question because Thorin is so talented at it."

"Frerin can juggle knives," Nuil added.

"How did you know that?" Dis gasped.

"He was gloating after another one of our matches." Nuil scowled, closing her eyes and tilting her head back. After months of training, hours of tears and aching muscles; she had only managed to last a good fifteen minutes before she had a sword pressed to her chest. It was better than the beginning, but it still infuriated her to no end. One day, she would best Frerin.

"Some day . . ."

* * *

oOo

It was sunny, not a cloud hung in the blue sky. Nuil could see it from the small window that let a shaft of sunlight fall on the floor several feet to her right. Her eyes were fixed on the window, her hand holding the page of her book, forgotten.

Dis sat beside her, mouthing the words of her book as Nan sat sewing by the door. There were not to be let out of their studies until midday.

However . . .

Frerin burst through the door, interrupting the silence. His eyes landed on Nuil with a hint of amusement in them before he spoke to the three startled occupants of the library.

"Master Nolen has arrived."

Nuil shot up from her chair, disregarding that it toppled over with her haste. Frerin looked pleased by her reaction, a smile crossing his face.

"May I see them?" she asked frantically. Her eyes dancing from Nan and Frerin looking for an answer.

"Go," Nan urged with an indulgent smile. Nuil gave her a smile before dashing from the room. It took her little time to stop before the side doors leading to the throne room. Nuil took a deep breath, smoothing her skirts, remembering suddenly that she was wearing the deep midnight blue dress that Dis has recently made her be fitted for.

Would her father approve?

Would her mother be there?

Ah! But it did not matter, she knew, what she was wearing. Just that after long months of waiting, she was too altogether happy to see them again. There was no substitute for family.

She opened the door, it barely whispered above the voices coming from the throne, were gathered was her family. At least . . .

"Papa!"

They turned, her father beaming at her from a tired smile. He spread his arms wide, as she ran to him. He twirled her around in the air and set her on her feet, taking her face between both his hands.

"My little one," he murmured. "Ai, you have grown."

"Hardly," she replied smiling. Nuil turned to her mother, finding that she too looked tired, but happy.

"Mama!"

"Nuil," Meldamar said, embracing her youngest. "Look! What is this?" Meldamar held part of Nuil's skirt between her fingers, inspecting it. "So fine . . ."

"It was a gift," Nuil explained, "from my friend."

"Not some ordinary friend," Nolen said. "Princess Dis."

"Our Nuil, friends with a princess?" Nuil turned seeing her brother, Nilwe smirking at her. "What a thing." His voice held disbelief and mocking in it. Nuil scowled at him.

"Come now, little brother," Nurgon said. "Do not tease her. We have yet to hear of what she has been up to since papa and Noledhe's departure." Nurgon winked at her, bringing a smile to her face. Nilwe pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

"But I missed her so!"

"Nilwe!" Nuil cried. Nilwe let her go, ruffling her hair. She turned her gaze to the rest of her family. Slowly the smile that had once been on her face faded.

"Where is Noledhe? Nedoheen? Nogoth?"

"They could not come dearest one," Meldamar said softly. "Our home could not be left unattended."

"But-"

"There was no other choice," Meldamar said firmly, her eyes drifting towards Nolen with a hard look. Nuil knew that look well. It often meant that her mother was not happy. Nuil bit her lip and nodded.

"Well!" King Thror boomed, gaining their attention. "It is good that your family is here, Master Nolen. Now you can begin your duties and we will see little Nuil's face lit with a smile more."

Nolen glanced at Nuil, a smile tugging on the corners of his lips at the kings words. With his left hand on his chest, Nolen bowed towards King Thror. "I look forward to it."

* * *

oOo

The morning after their arrival in Erebor, Meldamar took to inspecting their dwellings more closely than her late night survey with tired eyes. She wore a frown as she went from room to room, opening chests, cabinets and doors. Nuil trailed after her, eager to explain how the stove in the kitchen worked, or where to get water.

Finally Meldamar stood in the living room, hands on her hips.

"It will do."

"I miss windows," Nuil added softly, picking at her red dress. It was a simple cotton one, much more suited to her tastes. Meldamar smiled at her.

"So do I."

Mother and daughter spent the day in the markets, buying rugs, ornaments and other things for their home. Meldamar told Nuil that it was to make their dwellings more like their home in Arnor. Which, after everything was in place, did.

The next day, Nuil introduced Dis to her mother. Dis was so taken with Meldamar, that it took both her brothers at dinner time to take her away. She later confided in Nuil that she felt like Meldamar was everything she imagined a mother to be. Nuil was very proud to have her mother after that. It was a common occurrence to see Meldamar with both girls in tow while doing business in the mountain. Nan would join them, and Meldamar was glad for the female company of someone so close to her daughter.

It did not take long for Meldamar's skill with the needle to gain her acclaim. Her embroideries were some of the finest that could be seen and eventually bought in the kingdom. Meldamar worked with other dwarven women, in a small sewing hall, making her pieces. And finally after all her years of hard work, Nuil's interest in the art grew. Meldamar was _very_ pleased.

Both Dis and Nuil would sit in the sewing hall, in their spare time, and sew listening to her mother tell the others about her life. " . . . before I met Nolen, I was the best seamstress in our village." Meldamar sighed. "It was my embroidery that brought him there. He wanted to know who had made his cloak."

"What is so special about a cloak?" One of the older dwarven women asked.

Meldamar smiled. "Apparently he believed the raven stitching was good luck, it had saved his life."

The dwarf women grunted with approval. "Ravens are good," one murmured thoughtfully.

"Yes," said another, "they are bearers of news."

"Or ill omens," another said. They all 'tsked' darkly at her words.

"We will say it was good," said Nan from beside Meldamar. "It is not often that fate brings two together in such a good way."

"Fate or ill will?" said the old dwarf woman. "A sign of both good and bad on you."

"I like to believe that it was a good sign," Meldamar replied firmly. "If Nolen had not come, I would have married a man who held no love for me."

"You are indeed blessed," one said.

* * *

**A little short chapter. But not that I mind. I was writing chapter twenty-four last night and started chapter twenty five before realizing that I put two events way out of order. :P Fail. So now I have to go switch some stuff around . . . (dramatic sigh) work, work, work. I will be watching the movie to refresh my memory because there was some miscommunication between my brain and fingers.**

**To my lovely reviewer: IceheartsChill- you hit the mark, just a little too soon. Your suspicion is- well, you'll read soon enough. :)**

**Read, enjoy, Review!**

**~filimeala **


	5. Chapter 5

******Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. Save for characters that are not in his works. **

* * *

**"Slowly the days turned sour and the watchful nights closed in. Thrór's love of gold grown too fierce and sickness had begun to grow within him. It was a sickness of the mind. And where sickness thrives, bad things will follow."**

**~Bilbo Baggins **

* * *

**CHAPTER FIVE**

**T.A. 2767**

It was their raised voices that woke her that night. Nuil lifted her head from her pillow and stilled her breathing, to hear them better. But through the stone walls it was hard to hear their words, only the muffled sound of their yelling.

Slowly she crept from her bed to her door, opening it slightly and pressing her ear towards the hall to hear. Nuil knew that eavesdropping was rude and her parents would scold her for it, but she worried. She worried that somehow she was the cause of the yelling. She hadn't done anything naughty, of course. Nuil had been on her best behavior since her little brawl with Dis near the treasury.

" . . . don't you dare blame this on me, Nolen!"

"Ugh! Woman, I know that!" he father replied, his voice barely containing his frustration. Nuil could see light from their bedroom door, it was slightly ajar. "I didn't come here for that!"

"But you did!" Meldamar yelled. "I can see it in your eyes as plain as day! Just like the King."

"I'm nothing like him!"

"Stop denying it! I see it; the way you gaze at everything here, just the mere glance of that blasted gold! Nolen, you know you cannot have it, yet you covet it! Think about our children, it will corrupt them, and they will grow sick! Nuil is only eleven winters!"

"I know!"

"No. You don't. You brought our children here and forced me to come because you left Nuil here, on her own!"

"She was cared for!"

"And Noledhe? He saw it, he told me of it!" Meldamar replied.

There was a tense silence after that. Nuil took a ragged breath, rubbing her cheeks dry from the tears that had been falling from her eyes. Her nails bit into her palms as she strained to hear more. She would not cry, they would make it better.

"Nolen," she heard Meldamar softly murmur, her voice full of emotion. "I see the Gold Sickness in you. I see it in our sons. Our-" her voice broke "-daughter."

"Mel . . ."

"Don't make me lose our family."

* * *

oOo

Nuil crept into her brothers room after she knew her parents had fallen asleep. She was shaken by her parents argument. She had heard rumors of gold sickness before. Whispers and nothing more. But never had she known that those words would be used towards her family.

They were sick?

Nuil felt fine. Or at least she did. All she wanted at the moment were Nilwe's comforting arms around her. She was done crying, now she wanted a hug. She wanted Nilwe to make it better. Like he always did.

All four beds were occupied by her brothers, their snores filling the air. Quietly she climbed into Nilwe's bed and curled up next to him. Nuil knew he would wake. She felt him stir and turn towards her. His bleary mumble met her ears.

". . . Nuil?"

She tucked herself to him, resting her head beneath his chin. His hand rubbed her back.

"Bad dream?"

She shook her head. "I heard them. Fighting."

"Oh." Nilwe wrapped her in a hug, making her feel instantly better.

"What is gold sickness?"

Nilwe went stiff and didn't speak for some time, and she waited. He would tell her. He always did. Nuil rubbed the cotton fabric between her fingers, an act of reassurance for her. Slowly his chin rested on the top of her head and she could feel his jaw clenching and unclenching.

"Some call it gold lust," he finally whispered after a long stretch of silence. "When a person wants gold so much that nothing else matters."

"Why do we have it?"

More silence. " . . . when father was given his longevity it came with a price. He would be cursed. Over time, he realized that he desired gold. He was cursed with the love of gold. So he ran from it, made himself a simple life . . ."

"Then why are we here?"

"I- I don't know," Nilwe said in a troubled voice. "But I know that it was not the only curse that our family shares."

"What is it?" she breathed in the fearful silence.

"We age and die when we love. Leaving behind the others who do not."

Nuil was silent, slowly letting his words sink in. She swallowed stiffly. "I hope I never love, and I hate gold."

Nilwe chuckled, amusement coloring his voice, "Of course, Nuil." He kissed the top of her head. "Get some sleep."

Her eyes slid shut and she drifted into dreams filled with her mothers words and her own, mingling into nothingness.

* * *

oOo

Nuil sat at the small desk in the corner of the living room, working on writing in dwarvish runes when a knock came on the door. Her head lifted as Meldamar opened the door and let Frerin in.

"Nilwe!" she called.

"Hello there, mimel 'urs," Frerin said looking at her. Nuil smiled at him, as Nilwe emerged from the hall. "Ho! Nilwe, you look exhausted. Shall we postpone our match?" There was a teasing tone in his voice.

"Never!" Nilwe cried, picking up the sword he had left by the door the night before. "I will be back before supper mother!"

Meldamar nodded barely glancing up from the coat she was embroidering. Nuil watched them longingly as they left, her heart dropping as the door was finally shut.

"I don't see why my brothers don't have to learn Khuzdul, like me," she muttered angrily.

"You are still young Nuil," Meldamar reminded her. "It is more appropriate for you to be learning instead of fighting with males."

Nuil groaned, pressing her head into the pages of her book. It was nowhere near as interesting as learning how to properly wield a sword. The history of trade was not very interesting at all. But Nan wanted her to learn it, no matter how boring it was.

"But I'm good at it!" she protested.

"Which means a day of study will do you no harm," Meldamar replied primly. The matter was settled in that sentence, leaving Nuil muttering under her breath and shooting her mother glares all afternoon.

Several days followed in the same manner. It grated on Nuil's nerves, making her angrier and angrier with her brothers each time they left with their weapons to practice. While she was stuck at home studying. To add insult to injury, they seemed to think it hilarious.

The final straw had been at supper, the sixth day, when they had teased her about her work. With the angry injustice of a tormented younger sibling she had burst into angry tears, flinging her food at Nildar, before running to her room. Hiccuping into her pillow as the hot tears poured down her cheeks, both from shame and anger, she heard her door open.

There was a dip in the mattress before a warm hand rested on her shoulder.

"Do not cry, little one," her father murmured. "They only meant it in jest."

Nuil balled her hands into fists. "It's not fair!"

"Nuil-"

"They get to go and practice while I am trapped, behind a book."

"Books are not bad," he reminded her gently.

"I know," she said guiltily.

"I did not know you felt so, little one," Nolen murmured. "Your mother and I do not mean to trap you, merely to teach you. You are our youngest and we are aging."

"Why does that matter?" she whispered.

Nolen sighed, squeezing her shoulder. "One day, your mother and I will not be here to guide you. We are old already, Nuil. We want you to be prepared. We had more time with your brothers, but now we feel our age creeping on us."

"You can't die!" Nuil said, turning to her father. He gathered her into his arms, kissing the top of her head and smoothing her brown hair.

"Shh, it will be alright."

Nuil clung to her father, face buried into his tunic. It terrified her to no end at the knowledge that someday her parents would not be around. They would not be with her, as her life progressed. And suddenly she understood Nilwe's words: "_We age and die when we love. Leaving behind the others who do not."_

"When mama dies, so will you?" she asked in a tiny voice.

Nolen sighed. "Yes, little one. But we will always be with you, watching always." He kissed the top of her head and rocked her to sleep.

The next day, she went with Nilwe to the practice arena. She almost forgot the worry in her heart for her family, the fear that lingered. But Nuil knew that it would always be there, haunting her. She just hoped that the days would stay bright for as long as possible.

* * *

**So, it's getting a bit darker. I know not all families are perfect, so neither is Nuil's. Parents fight and there is contention, etc. I wanted to make it seem more believable and real. Also the whole longevity/curse thing does play a major part in this story, so it's not a one time mention. A certain elf played a part in that whole . . . gift.**

**Hopefully this chapter doesn't repeat itself, cause I was copying something into it and ended up pasting the chapter twice into the file. GRRR. Technology hates me, even my phone. :( I think I fixed it.**

**_IceheartsChill_: I can't let go of all the interesting stuff yet. Spoilers! Not quite sure what she is, I keep thinking that she's a dwobbit/race of men thing. She has Dunedain blood. Also now this elf gift/longevity curse. I guess everyone can come up with a name to call it? I listened to that song 'We don't belong' and read the chapter myself, it really does fit! :)**

**Well, I've been listening to music and watching videos on youtube for the Hobbit. Mostly Thorin, Fili and Kili stuff. T.T My favorite by far is one that I'll leave the link to on my page. So beautiful. The song may become the overall theme for this story, along with 'I would die for you' by Matt Walters. **

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	6. Chapter 6

******Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. Save for characters that are not in his works.**

* * *

**CHAPTER SIX**

**T.A. 2768**

A full year passed in a somewhat uneventful way. It was now summer in Erebor; Nuil was twelve winters old. When Nolen had finally allowed her to train with her brothers, she showed great skill in the use of the sword and long knives. It was quickly determined that she would never really have the strength to wield a battle ax, but with extensive training, perhaps the spear.

Though the younger heir of Durin tried to deny it, the little girl was quickly gaining on him, and he was hard pressed to beat her in their usual matches. Frerin could see that one day within the next year, Nuil would achieve her goal, though she didn't yet know it.

Frerin and Dis had become like another pair of children to their family. It was rare when the two were not with one of the brothers or sister. At first King Thror had found this to be deeply unnerving, but slowly over time, with Nuil's help, he softened. Nuil had taken a liking to King Thror's stories, which he loved to tell to any that would hear it. Especially young and eager ears.

Much to her parents chagrin, Nuil managed to get into the throne room at least once every day to listen to one or two of his tales. His feats of valor on the battlefield, or tales of his childhood that most often ended with a scar to show for it, were among of her favorites. But the one she loved most, above all others, was when he told her of the dark caverns of Erebor not seen by her eyes yet.

"Some say, that if you go deep enough into the heart of this mountain," King Thror said, Nuil sitting eagerly at his feet, "you will find caves with lakes glittering with diamonds."

Nuil leaned in closer, her eyes alight with awe. She could picture the deep darkness, the trickle of water and the shining light of diamonds in the depths of the dark waters. . .

"They shine like stars upon the cavern, bathing everything in its glow. But, if you go further, you will find great rivers of gold in the rock. Shining like thousands of suns."

"Is that where you found it?" Nuil asked eagerly, her eyes flickering up to the jewel above the King's head. If seemed to glow and pulse before her eyes, flashing softly in many colors. It swirled in on itself, it seemed, radiating a kind of power and majesty that could render any speechless. He smiled down at her, a lightness about his eyes.

"Aye. In one of our darkest pits, were our miners can only see inches from their faces in the candlelight- we found it," King Thror breathed. "A sign by Mahal that this mountain, will belong to me and all my kin, forever."

Nuil gazed up at the Arkenstone with awe, tearing her gaze away when she heard her name called. Her eyes landed on her mother, who stood at a side door, her hand outstretched. The look in her mothers eyes told her that she was needed . . .

"Nuil," she called again. "You must study."

King Thror smiled down at her. "Until tomorrow, mimel 'urs."

Knowing she had been dismissed, Nuil rose to her feet and walked to her mother. Meldamar took her hand and led her from the throne room. She was silent as they went to their dwellings. Once inside the safety of the door, she shook her head. Nuil went to her little table as her mother mumbled to herself.

"Filling my childs head with talk of gold and jewels!" Meldamar muttered displeased. "But he is king! He can say what he pleases!"

"Mama," Nuil said timidly. "Don't be upset. If it angers you so, I will not go tomorrow." Nuil couldn't bear the thought of displeasing her mother. Her kind and patient mother who seemed, quite recently, to be aging rapidly did not need a frown to linger on her face.

Meldamar shook her head. "Nay. That will only sour his affection towards you. Do not heed my mutterings."

Nuil nodded, turning to her studies.

* * *

oOo

She woke later that night, when her shoulder was shaken somewhat roughly. Moaning she turned her head to look at whoever it was. Nuil thought that it was her mother, come to wake her up. Instead it was her father. His face was shadowed as the light from the hall flooded through her door.

". . . Papa?" she mumbled wearily. Surely it could not be morning already? Her tired mind drifted slightly when he did not respond immediately. Halfway asleep he shook her shoulder again.

"Come, up," he murmured quietly. "Quickly now."

Nuil whined as she pulled herself from her bed, shoving her feet into her boots as he waited by the door. What could possibly be so important to pull her from her bed? Nolen handed her her cloak as she followed him out of their home, into the darker streets of Erebor.

There were fewer torches lit at night.

The darkness gave the dwarven city a new magnificent appearance. The gold in the stone work glittered in the dark, as they passed. Looking as if it was really running like water through the stone. The smooth stones gleamed, reflecting their images as they passed. Her eyes eagerly took in this new sight with amazement and awe.

Nuil knew better than to ask where they were going. She stayed silent, hoping that it would end the midnight journey and bring her back to her bed sooner. She knew her father did not like to be questioned, and so she followed him trustingly. When they reached the parapets of the city, the wind whipping at her loose hair, she finally understood.

The stars.

How long had it been since she had last seen stars? More than two years. A gasp tore from her lips, at both the sudden cold and beauty. Nolen smiled down at her, resting a hand on her shoulder. They gazed at the stars silently, admiring them. But all too soon, her father was turning her away.

"Can we stay a while longer, papa?" she pleaded.

"Hush," Nolen replied. Nuil's shoulders slumped. As she was led away she watched the stars from over her shoulder until they were out of view. She turned her eyes to the ground. How could she have forgotten the stars? The thousands of glittering stars? To Nuil, it seemed like ages had passed since she had laid out in the meadow beyond their home and gazed at them in the night.

Suddenly her cloak was flapping, as wind pulled at it. Nuil lifted her eyes, amazed to see that they were passing through the doors, slightly ajar and guarded by a lone dwarf who nodded to her father. Where were they going? Nuil lifted her eyes to her father inquisitively. But he merely smiled a secretive all-knowing smile. Nuil pulled her cloak tighter around her body as the cold winter wind stung her flesh. Her white nightgown suddenly seemed too thin, barely touching her ankles, and allowing the coolness to travel up her legs.

They walked for some time down the road, further and further away from Erebor. It made her nervous, as they came closer to Dale. Was her father sending her away? The thought made her feet suddenly feel heavy.

Until . . .

Nolen stopped and turned them both around to face the mountain. Nuil frowned, pushing her windblown hair out of her face to look up at the mountain. Her father dropped to his knees, resting his hand on her shoulder as he lifted the other to trace the stars.

Her eyes followed his hand, as he outlined the ring of glittering stars crowning the solitary peak.

"You see that?" he asked softly.

Nuil nodded, awed by the sight.

"I call it the mountain crown," Nolen told her, his voice full of pride. "It is the Valar's way of showing us that Erebor is tied into everything. It has a place in legend, and will stand forever."

"Abad bavon," Nuil murmured. Nolen looked at her questioningly. "It means 'mountain crown' in Khuzdul," she told him. He said the words himself, a smile lingering on his lips.

"That is fitting don't you think, dear one?" he asked her after some time. Nuil looked up at her father, admiring the gleam of awe in his eyes as he gazed at the stars. The new constellation that he had found. She always knew her father was a strong man, warrior even. But now she was glad to admire him for the stillness and softness he exuded at that moment. He was her father, and nothing would change that.

"Aye, papa," Nuil said, and covered her mouth as she tried to stifle a yawn.

"You are tired, and it is late," Nolen said, catching the movement instantly. "Your mother will not be pleased if I kept you out any longer."

"Oh, please papa! Can we stay and watch?" she begged, suddenly not wanting to leave the beautiful sight before her. Nolen chuckled before scooping her up into his arms. A laugh escaped her lips and she felt like a small child again. Back when her father would carry her around on his broad shoulders everywhere . . .

"It's time to sleep, Nuil, shut your eyes," he commanded gently. Nuil grumbled unhappily at his words, but complied with one last look at the stars, before her eyes slid shut. She drifted off as her fathers gait steadily rocked her to sleep. Nolen looked down at his daughter, her tumble of hair as a smile pulled at his lips.

The first time he had seen the mountain crown, was the day she had been born.

* * *

**So now you all know where the origin of the title comes from. Believe me, it took forever to come up with a title, but then I was writing and BAM! this chapter happened and I've run with it ever since. I've noticed that my chapters are getting shorter. I didn't notice this until after I uploaded them and looked at the word count. Don't worry, I've got super long ones stashed away.**

**Unfortunately this seems like a filler chapter, but it's not! It plays a key role in the story, even if it doesn't seem like it. I know that I've probably said this for each chapter I've posted, but it's true. I've got this whole thing planned out. Feel a little bit crazy about it, but it's true. There are some parts I will change because I don't want to just write whats already been written a _thousand_ times. Okay, ranting time over, moving on.**

**To my reviewers: **

**_IceheartsChill:_ I'm so glad you looked at the song!(songs) I don't usually write while listening to music but these two just speak and I can really feel my characters in them. They are unfortunately, tortured souls so-to-speak. BTW I love 'Home'! **

**_barnowl11:_ thank you! I know that you reviewed to chapter one, but I couldn't PM you. And for some reason it's not showing up yet, but I read it in my email. From what I looked up in my research, 'dwarrows' is basically a term for a bunch of dwarves in groups of more than two. Tolkien preferred this word and I believe he came up with it. I just used it, and I hope that I'm right. But you probably already read it somewhere in this story already. **

**Read and Review!**

**P.S. If any of you missed the whole 'inspirational-song-for-this-story-thing', I have a link on my profile(I pretty much start crying every time I watch it) I feel like I should shout it to the world so . . . indulge me.**

**~filimeala**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the characters not in J.R.R. Tolkien's world and works.**

* * *

**"The universe is big, its vast and complicated, and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles. And that's the theory. Nine hundred years, never seen one yet, but this would do me." **

**~Doctor Who**

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

**T.A. 2768**

The sword in her hands clanged as it met with Frerin's. Her arms shook as he pushed her back, making her feet slide in the dirt of the arena floor. Her brow was furrowed as a bead of sweat dripped down the side of her face and only one thought was on her mind: '_he was not holding back today . . ._'

Indeed, Prince Frerin was not holding back at all. He too, was frowning as Nuil blocked his blows with seeming ease, standing only a few inches shorter than he. Nuil was only five years his junior, a girl, and yet she was winning. Frerin was giving this fight his all, putting everything he had learned so far on the table. But with every parry, strike and swing, she blocked him. He was finding it increasingly difficult to keep up with her quick jabs.

As Nuil swung at him once more, Frerin swore he felt the tip of her blade graze his chest plate. Barely. But he knew she saw it; her eyes widened and a sudden fire erupted in the hazel depths. Nuil found a small part of her gleeful at almost getting a good blow on Frerin. Always she had hit his arms and legs, but never his chest, or anywhere near his throat.

She lunged forward with new fervor, ducking and rolling. Frerin tried turning as she rolled out of his line of vision, but froze when he felt her sword snake around his throat. _How . . ?_ Frerin tried turning, to knock her arm away when he felt the tip of a long knife jab into his side. His eyes widened as he panted.

He had lost.

Lost.

"Do you yield?" Nuil panted from behind him. He could tell that there was a smile in her voice.

Frerin nodded, out of breath, " . . . yield."

Nuil released him and he turned, staring at her with wide eyes. She was beaming and bright eyed. Shining and lovely. Nuil felt elated. Never before had she bested Frerin in any of their matches, yet, here she was. The victor. Before she could stop herself she was laughing.

Frerin frowned.

"I did it!" she breathed, eyes shining. "I really did it!"

Frerin tried not to let his anger run away with him as she preened over her win. He was five years older than she was, he should have won. He should have been able to beat her, no matter her skill. Where had he gone wrong? Frerin clenched his jaw as his older brother entered the ring, his eyes on Nuil.

"She beat you," Thorin said, a hint of a smirk on his face. Frerin scowled at him. Great, Thorin was going to rub it in.

"And?"

Thorin watched as Nuil sheathed her weapons, turning to them, eyes shining with happiness. "You are older than her."

"I know that!" Frerin snapped frustrated. Thorin placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"You spend too much time not practicing, while she spends all her free time here," Thorin stated simply. "Nuilweyil works harder than you."

Frerin shrugged off his brothers hand. He knew that. He knew that he spent too much time with Nuil's older brothers, and less time on his duties. But to have Thorin come and say it was like a slap to the face. Thorin was right, as usual. It didn't stop his anger, however.

"Frerin?" Nuil asked, a shy endearing timidity in her voice, "another duel? To see if this one was a fluke?"

Frerin admired her want to make the situation lighter. She would willingly set aside her pride to let him have his . . . she really was too kind. But Frerin knew she had won fair and square.

"It was no fluke, Nuilweyil," Thorin told her, saying what Frerin was thinking. Nuil's eyes snapped to Thorin and a frown appeared on her face. It was not lost on any present that she disliked the eldest Prince using her given name.

"But, Frerin always beats me. It was luck-"

"Nonsense," Thorin stated. "I saw it with my own eyes."

Nuil felt her cheeks color. If that was not praise, she didn't know what was. Thorin said she had won. It was no mere chance of luck. It was a true and deserving win.

"Thank you."

"You deserve it," Thorin told her, approval in his eyes. "Many have noticed your hard labors."

Nuil beamed at him, making the older brother of Frerin give one of his rare smiles. It made her feel lighter. It was not often that Prince Thorin smiled and meant it. Frerin cast a frown at Thorin. With a quick bow to the two she hurried to her home; barging through the front door and startling her mother, who was by the fire reading.

"What- Nuil!" Meldamar scolded as her daughter came to a stop at her feet. Nuil was red faced, breathing hard and dirty. "Explain yourself! This is no state for a young lady to be about in."

"I won, mama!" Nuil exclaimed. "I won!"

"Won?"

"I bested Frerin!"

"Frerin?" came Nilwe's voice from across the room where he was bent over a map. "Our Frerin?"

Nuil nodded, beaming. Nilwe's eyebrows rose as his mouth opened in shock.

"Frerin was bested by my little sister," he murmured. "What is the world coming to?"

"Nuil can do anything she puts her mind to," their mother reminded him. "Including her sewing." Nuil groaned, shoulders slumping.

"_Mama!_" she whined.

"Go wash up, Nuil," Meldamar told her sternly. "Then bring your work."

Nuil stomped to her room, as she entered her mother called out, "well done!" She knew it was meant for her win, and it brought a smile to her face.

* * *

oOo

"You were bested by mimel Nuil?" Thrain asked in disbelief as he gazed at his second son from across the table. Dis was snickering at him from behind her hand, doing a poor job of hiding it as Thorin smiled down at his plate. Frerin looked anything but happy his cheeks gaining a rosy hue.

"Yes father," he replied stiffly. "She did."

Thrain hummed, pressing his lips into a thin line. "That should not happen, Frerin."

"I know that!"

"Then it will not happen again," Thrain said simply. "Master Nolen's children are skilled with their weapons, but it will not do to have my youngest son beaten by his _daughter_. No matter her skill."

"Then why does Thorin not challenge her?" Frerin mumbled stabbing his food with his fork.

"It would hardly be a fair fight," Thrain replied. "He is ten years her elder, a far superior swordsman."

Frerin scowled at his brother, knowing that his father was insulting his own skills and praising his brothers. Thorin merely offered him a smirk behind a sympathetic glance. He did not lift his head for the rest of the meal, or respond to Dis's taunts as they went to bed that night. He was thoroughly humiliated, but he couldn't bring himself to be angered by Nuil.

Nuil did not win another one of their duels for many long years.

* * *

**I do believe little Nuil got her wish. Miracles do happen. Alas! Another short chapter, ugh! BUT one more chapter and THEN you will get to read about Smaug! Yay(or not if you like dwarves more than dragons)! If anyone has been paying attention to the dates you will notice the countdown to T.A. 2770. Oh yeah, I'm so crazy that I've even got the dates for everything. **

**A big thank you to _IceheartsChill:_ it makes me feel better knowing that this back story stuff isn't totally boring. I know I'm withholding much _juicier_ stuff.**

**Anyways please Review and let me know what you think. Thank you to all my followers as well, let me know what you think too! **

**~filimeala**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing that belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien's works and world. Only the characters not really there.**

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**"It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end… because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing… this shadow. Even darkness must pass." **

**~Samwise Gamgee, Lord of the Rings**

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

**T.A. 2769**

Nildar did not miss the look his mother gave their father as they ate supper. It was a look that was beginning to become all too familiar in their home. He glanced at his brothers, noting that they too had seen the look. Nurgon had a frown on his lips. His little sister was silent, worry clouding her young eyes as silence descended on the family.

"I think it is best," Meldamar finally uttered. Her voice was carefully guarded as their father glared at his food. His knuckles were white around his utensils.

"We have only been residing in Thror's halls for near three years," Nolen murmured, anger tinting his voice.

"You forget that Nuil has been here for four," Meldamar reminded him, voice rising slightly. "You have done what you sought out to do, now let us return to our home."

"Why now?"

"We cannot leave our sons!"

"They are grown men!" Nolen argued. "They do not need to be watched over."

Meldamar slammed her hand down flat on the tables surface, rage filling her usually calm features. "I'll not have it! The longer we stay, the more the darkness will linger in your heart!" Then suddenly as if realizing that her children were there, she froze. What had been a light conversation about visiting home, had turned into something that Nuil had told Nilwe about those many years past.

Nurnedhe glanced between his parents. After Nilwe had told them of what Nuil had overheard, they had all been watchful of it. Watchful of what their mother feared had begun to plague her family.

Nuil pushed her plate away from her, not hungry anymore. The sound of her plate scraping against the table drew her parents attention to her. Meldamar's face turned to one of worry and shame.

"Oh, Nuil . . ."

Nuil looked close to tears, her eyes fixed on her parents. She stood slowly, chair scraping against the stone floor.

"Nuil-" Nolen began. Nuil shook her head.

"Stop." Nuil heaved a sigh, looking angry and upset. "We can't fight like this . . ." She stopped, voice heavy with tears that she refused to let fall. Nuil was frustrated that she was so bothered by her parents words, and yet she feared their truth all the same.

Without another word she turned and fled from the room. Nuil ignored the cries of her brothers to stop and flung open the door of their home, sprinting away from their dwelling. She rushed past the dwarves that were still in the halls, ignoring the bright and beautiful stone work that she usually would stop and admire.

She did not stop until she was standing at the parapets on one of the upper levels, gazing out over the city of Dale, breathing hard. Tears spilled freely over her cheeks as she fought to hold back sobs. Her shoulders shook, making her whole body shudder. She was fearful. Full of fear at her mothers words, because they were true. Because she had seen the gleam in her fathers eyes when he saw gold, or other precious jewels. How his eyes had darkened at the mentioned of leaving Erebor.

But it was not just her father. Despite her brothers vigilance, their constant wariness, they too had the same look in their eyes when they saw gold. It was not as strong as their father, but it was there. And if the thirteen year old was honest, she too felt the draw of the gold.

Her mother was right.

With a shudder a sob escaped her lips. She did not want to leave Erebor. She had friends who were dear to her here- the thud of heavy footsteps reached her ears and Nuil shrank into the shadows. She did not want a guard to find her, or any of her family. Not yet.

She watched as the silhouette of the dwarf stood in the spot she had once occupied not a moment before. Holding her breath, she waited. The dwarf turned and the light of a near torch revealed his identity.

Thorin.

Nuil swallowed, watching his eyes roam about the parapet.

"I know you are there," he murmured, eyes returning to Dale. Nuil stayed stubbornly where she was, quickly whipping her eyes of the moisture that lingered there. She most certainly did not want Thorin to find her. She still did not like the eldest son of Thrain very much. She most certainly didn't want him to see her crying. It was unbecoming and she knew her father hated it.

"It did not go unnoticed that the only daughter of Nolen fled from her home tonight," he went on. "Your brothers bid me to help find you."

Nuil frowned. Why would he help? She could understand if it was Frerin, but Thorin hardly involved himself with her family. She had seen him with Nurgon a few times, but that was all. He was always wit Frerin, Dwalin and this father and grandfather.

"Nuilweyil."

Holding firm to her decision, Nuil stayed firmly rooted to the spot. She wasn't going to come out if he insisted on using her given name. Her nails dug into the flesh of her palms. Thorin gave a sigh of annoyance, and reached into the shadows, pulling her roughly into the torchlight. Nuil struggled, resisting as he held her firmly.

He glared down at her, jaw clenched shut. But his eyes softened as he saw her red rimmed eyes. Thorin loosened his hold on her. Nuil refused to meet his eyes, as he stared down at her.

"You are looked for khim ze," he murmured kindly.

"I do not wish to be found," she replied quietly. "I want to stay." Her words held a double meaning, that the dwarf prince did not immediately catch. He merely nodded, as Nuil shifted silently to look out into the night.

They were silent for a time, only their breaths stirring the air as the wind took it away. The torches crackled, and finally Thorin sighed. Nuil glanced at him, her tears dry and no longer threatening to fall. She was done crying for the time being. But she stared at him, noting his uncertain look. As if unsure of how to approach her.

"It grows late."

"So I should return home . . ." she finished, shoulders slumping. Thorin crossed his arms, his brow furrowing slightly as he stared down at her. Nuil felt small now, staring up at him.

"Why did you run?"

"A . . . family matter," she replied, instantly uncomfortable. "Nothing more."

Thorin scoffed, turning his gaze back out over to the city of men. "That may be, but it still does not explain why you ran from your family. Such actions cause talk."

"I know." Nuil understood. Though she was the daughter of a high ranking guard of the king, her actions still had consequences. There was still a level of propriety. Thorin looked at her, seeing how she suddenly seemed older in that moment. So very aware of her actions. So unlike his sister, who was still wrapped in her dresses and fun.

"They were fighting again," she suddenly murmured, surprising the prince. Nuil shut her eyes, fighting the fear that was building in her chest again. "Fighting about gold."

"Gold?" Thorin echoed. Worrying crept into his brow. His mind wandered to the day before, when he had happened upon his grandfather. He had been in the royal treasury, wandering through the isles of gleaming wealth with that look of lust on his face. The king seeming to be overwhelmed by it all. But also hopelessly lost in his love for it. Thorin knew instantly what it was. Knew the darkness that grew in his grand sires mind.

"It is called goldlust, is it not?" Nuil asked. Her small voice drawing the dwarf prince from his musings. She was looking up at him expectantly. She was hardly shorter than he, but somehow still managed to have to lift her head to look at him.

"Aye," he replied. Nuil looked away from him, frowning into the night.

"Then we are cursed," she said darkly.

Thorin said nothing, silently placing his hand on her upper back. He turned her away from the parapet, leading her back into the mountain to her home.

* * *

oOo

He returned Nuil to her very grateful parents, nodding to the eldest brother of their home before leaving. Since his conversation with the daughter of Nolen, her words had plagued him. She was very astute, in her observations, and far more mature than he had originally given her credit for. He admired her headstrong stubbornness, pleased that she had not given up when Frerin beat her in their matches. It seemed that this girl would keep earning his respect.

He saw her again, weeks later, when he was walking through the markets on the lower level with his father. At first his eyes had merely passed over her, settling on his laughing sister as they spoke with a vendor. They were admiring jewelry, as young girls usually did. Dis picked up a gold necklace, a ruby the size of his fist hanging from it. She held it up to Nuil's neck, laughing as the vendor said something, making the girl blush.

But Thorin saw Nuil pushed the jewelry away. As if afraid to look at it. He frowned, remembering her words from their encounter several weeks prior.

"_It is called goldlust, is it not?"_

Thorin looked at his feet. Perhaps she had meant alluded to more things than he had thought, when they had spoken. Thorin raised his gaze up, resting it once more on the two. Nuil turned then, looking out across the vendors, her eyes landing on him. His brow furrowed further, as a new emotion flickered across her face.

Fear.

* * *

**WOW! You guys are amazing! I wasn't expecting so many reviews, so I was pleasantly surprised this morning. You all made my day, because I was not feeling it today. I was smiling. Thank you.**

**Next chapter: SMAUG (hold your children close, and keep a bucket of water near!) I don't think it would actually help though. A little of Thorin and little Nuil interaction here. It's so hard to write those two, when she's so young. But I did it!**

**To my amazing reviewers:**

**_IceheartsChill_: Yup :) well, actually T.T**

**_FaeSong_: thank you so much, I always worry that I'm boring my readers to death, so thanks! **

**_The Penned Tekrid_: I know right? I didn't realize it at first when I was writing this, but yeah. I've always thought interracial families are interesting. (GASP) I didn't realize that I didn't write Balin in here yet! (me screaming in background) but she knows him. Don't worry. **

**As always, Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, save for Nuil and characters not seen in Tolkien's works.**

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**"Fire leaped from the dragon's jaws. He circled for a while high in the air above them lighting all the lake; the trees by the shores shone like copper and like blood with leaping shadows of dense black at their feet."**

**~J.R.R. Tolkien**

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**CHAPTER NINE**

**T.A. 2770**

Nuil leaned against the parapet, as the summer wind whipped at her hair. It lifted the unbraided strands lazily into the air and around her head. Beside her Dis was watching the dwarrow below travel down the road to the city of Dale. The somewhat large caravan, was not to show force or wealth (although most of the time it was) but merely an escort for the prince. Prince Frerin.

"I do not see why he gets to go, and I do not," Dis growled, her eyes trained on the dwarf riding a pony in the center of the escort. "I am fully capable."

"But underage," Nuil reminded her with mock sternness as she tried to imitate Thrain. Dis scowled at her, punching her arm. "Ow!"

"Being fourteen summers is hardly underage," she muttered ignoring Nuil. "Are not mortal girls not married when they are this age?"

"I wouldn't know," Nuil replied uncomfortably. "I've never lived among the race of men."

Dis hummed, eyes narrowing as the escort grew smaller in her line of sight. Nuil sighed, tilting her head back. She enjoyed being out where the wind could touch her skin, but she would always like the feel of strong stone beneath her fingers, and luminous caverns filled with fire and jewels.

Dis ran her hand along her braided beard, the dark hairs long enough now to be neatly braided along her jaw, in thought. She was coming to an age where she was beginning to get noticed by young male dwarrow, a fact to which she was very proud of. She looked at Nuil, with a smile on her face.

"One would think you felt trapped here, with all the smiling you do when you are outside," she murmured with amusement.

Nuil looked at Dis, a smile lighting her face. "No. But I do enjoy it when I can."

Nuil grinned turning back to the city, eyes slowly falling shut. She and Dis stood in silence until a set of feet signaled that they had been joined by another.

"Your time will come, mimel namad," said the newcomer. Nuil opened her eyes to see Thorin standing to the left of Dis, his hand on her shoulder. A small smile tugged at his lips when Dis sighed.

"I know."

Thorin looked over at her, his eyes warm as he nodded to her. "Nuilweyil."

"My lord," she replied. Nuil did not bother to drop down into the customary curtsy that decorum demanded, because it would look odd in pants. In the early hours of the morning she had been sparring with Nilwe in the practice arena, and had no time to change in order to see Frerin off.

Though Nuil did not like Thorin, she respected him. She much preferred his younger brother, who was easy to be around and easy to bring into good humor. Thorin, was slower to such open displays as his brother. It was difficult for her to handle, and so she tried to be polite with him. Nuil knew he would never be like Frerin. So she gave him the respect he deserved and let him be.

More silence followed after their meeting. Until suddenly the wind picked up, a raging howl that caused Nuil to stumble backwards as Dis fought to keep her hair out of her eyes. The banners along the parapet snapped in the wind, waving wildly. The wind did not die down, only seemed to pick up.

"By Durin's beard, it is fierce!" Dis cried. Thorin eyes turned to the horizon as he shielded his sister from the wind. A great howl filled the air and Thorin began to push Dis back into the mountain, a frown on his face. Nuil was lifted to her feet as her father appeared. His grip on her arm was firm.

Balin entered the parapet, running to look out over the landscape. Thorin joined him, as Nolen began to guide Nuil back inside.

"Papa! What is it?" she asked, sensing a great deal of fear coming from her father. He did not reply as his gaze stayed firmly locked onto the dwarf prince, who had now turned and cried into the city:

"DRAGON!"

Cries of dismay filled the air as Nuil was yanked behind a pillar, her vision obscured as a roar filled the air. It was far louder than anything she had ever heard, so unlike any sound she had ever heard. Then there was heat. The stifling and burning heat that was too near for comfort, she felt the air become hard. Nuil tried to breath but only found a deep pain settling in her chest where her lungs were.

Just as it came, it was gone.

Screams lingered in the air. The stench of burning flesh, sweet yet not. Nuil gagged as it filled her nose and her eyes teared up. Her father was pulling her again, her feet stumbling over fallen stones and . . . bodies. Nuil was disorientated, not knowing where to look, where she was going. What was this? What was happening? Where was Dis?

"Nuil!"

Her father was calling her name. A gasp tore from her lips, as she raised her eyes to his face. Her throat felt like it was on fire, like she had never tasted water before. Tears were in her eyes.

"Nuilweyil, look at me!"

His hands were on her shoulders, firm. It gained her attention, as she tried not to focus on what was going on around her. She focused on her fathers strong and firm gaze, not daring to look away from his brown eyes.

"Get your mother. Keep her safe. Get out of the mountain."

She numbly nodded, still focused on his eyes. Memorizing the brown orbs that held her firmly in his gaze. Beneath her feet the rock shook, and her ears were filled with the stomach curling crack of great stones. Nolen brought her head to his lips, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Go. Keep your mother safe."

Then he was gone. Nuil watched, for a moment as he ran towards the gates, before she turned and ran. Flying through the hallways of fleeing dwarrow, pushing herself, skidding around corners as the mountain shook. She didn't dare stop until she reached their dwellings, heart pounding in her tiny chest. Without knocking she burst through the door, stumbling into the living room. Her mother, Meldamar, was standing by the fireplace. Her frightened gaze on the ceiling as dust trailed through the air.

"Mama!" she gasped, running and grabbing her hand. Meldamar looked down at her; her hand tightening around Nuil's. "We must go!"

Panic was in her voice. Meldamar looked shaken, as if she was in disbelief. Nuil tugged on her hand, drawing her to the door, as another rumble shook the mountain.

"Nuil, stay with me," Meldamar commanded suddenly, jerked from her surprise. Nuil felt herself relax into the strong presence her mother now commanded. She wouldn't need to stay strong, not alone at least. Without a care for their home, their possessions, or even shutting the door, they ran.

The halls, once pristine and glittering, where strewn with fallen rocks and covered in dust as the mountain shook. Meldamar kept a firm grip on Nuil's hand. Nuil ran, trying to keep up with her longer limbed mother. She had to keep her promise to her father. Even if she hadn't agreed to it, it was expected. It was her duty.

As the two neared the front gates, they were forced to stop. Every resident of the mountain was piled near the gates of the mountain. Their cries to escape rose in the air, smothered by the roar of the dragon. Meldamar turned her gaze frantically around. She stood a full head taller than the dwarves, seeing the column of warrior dwarrows advancing towards the main gates. The gold plated doors buckled under the onslaught of the dragon. The molten fire creeping through the cracks as it groaned inward.

Then the gates were thrown open, falling off its hinges and splintering to the floor. Fire poured down on the column, the dwarrows crying out as the ground shook.

Nuil gasped as she was shoved to the side as an enormous leg landed where she had once stood. Her hand was torn from her mothers, Meldamar's voice rising above the roar: "Nuil!"

"Mama!" Nuil screamed scrambling to her feet. She was buffeted back down by fleeing dwarrow. Her hands slammed into the ground, the broken rock digging into her skin. "Mama!"

The horrible roar filled the air, and Nuil cowered in the rubble. Screams filled her ears and smoke filled her lungs. Her vision blurred, but Nuil raised her eyes seeing the doors just ahead of her. The light of the sun beckoned to her, filtering in through the dragon smoke.

Then she saw him.

He turned, facing back into the mountain, face covered in dirt and blood. He was supporting his grandfather. The Kings crown was falling from his head, blood pouring from a wound. Thorin. Nuil raised her hand out, his name on her lips as she cried for help. His eyes landed on her. Little Nuil, covered in dirt, dust and blood. Her small hands reaching out desperately for him. Thorin turned to go back for her.

The mountain rumbled and the doors began to collapse. The dragon smoke shrouded her, cutting her off from his sight. And then the door fell, great boulders sealing Erebor.

* * *

**TADA! I had a difficult time writing this but I love it. I leave you with a cliffhanger! I'm a little in a hurry at the moment so I will thank my reviewers real quick and leave you to cry for all the dwarves lost that day. :'(**

**To my wonderful reviewers: **

**The Penned Tekrid: the fluff will be full of so many feels! When I read it I get so excited, so I'm looking forward to posting them :) **

** Sam0728: definite time skip coming up! Cause you all know she lives, but what has she turned out to be? Nobody knows . . . yet.**

**IceheartsChill: I wanna know what Smaug looks like! Cause of he has Cumberbatch's voice . . . oh boy!**

** KingofTruands: yeah, he's too nice to her. Maybe a little OOC? Meh. I think every tough guy like Thorin or even Dwalin would have a soft spot for Nuil. :)**

**Christen: thank you so much! I know they are a little bit short, but hopefully I can get the chapters to be longer.**

**Comics4theFeels: thanks! Hopefully the next couple of chapters will keep everyone sated!**

** I would give you all hugs but I'm trapped behind this computer screen. Just pretend I'm doing it, if that's not too weird. Okay, not so short of a thank you. But all the same!**

**Translation: **

**_mimel namad_- little sister**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien save for the characters not mentioned in his works.**

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**"For there is nothing lost, that may be found, if sought."**

**~ Edmund Spencer, The Faerie Queen**

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**CHAPTER TEN**

**T.A. 2788**

**18 years later . . .**

Nogoth shifted uneasily in his seat as Nuil gazed at the fire in the hearth. His fingers curled around the wooden armrests tightly. She had been doing that more often than late. Her hazel eyes glued to the flickering flames, unhappiness near palatable. It wasn't her gazing that bothered him. It was the fact that she refused to speak about . . . well, what happened.

He remembered it like it was yesterday. Nuil returning home to them, looking more like a beggar than a little girl. Her clothing was tattered, ripped and torn. Her skin coated in layers of dirt, and the deep unsettling sadness that lingered in her eyes. She had been fifteen winters then. After receiving word that Erebor had fallen to Smaug the dragon, there had been no hope of seeing those who had lived there again. Finding Nuil had been both a happy blessing and a burden.

She wasn't their little Nuil anymore. She was their silent and watchful sister. Solemn. Nuil was like Noledhe, he thought with a frown. Their eldest brother never really took part in much merriment like the rest of the brothers did. But they had lost four brothers, so there was little merriment that was to be had. The pain of never being able to see Nurgon hurt him deeply. The loss of his twin was terrible, but paled in comparison to Nuil as she was now. He wished that he had never agreed with his father. Erebor was the worst decision that Nolen had ever made.

It had also scarred his sister. Along the right side of her face ran a pale scar, from her eyebrow to her jaw. It lay near her hairline, almost unseeable to anyone. Yet it was there. Nogoth's eyes narrowed as her hand reached up and traced the scar.

That's it.

"You're doing it again," he murmured. Nuil glanced lazily over to him, dropping her hand. She said nothing as he sighed, setting down his whittling block and knife. "You wanna talk?"

Nuil looked at him, her eyes telling him that she would rather not. She pulled the blanket around her shoulders tighter. She hardly spoke to them, and he was the youngest in age to her, so he knew he could get some conversation out of her.

"Noledhe will not let you leave until you talk about it," Nogoth reminded her. She sighed in annoyance.

"Like he tries,' she muttered. "Hasn't stopped me before." She saw Nogoth's jaw fall slightly agape. Nuil shrugged. "He's never around."

"Nuil," he said warningly. She looked away, a ghost of a smile touching her lips. Nogoth drew in a sharp breath. He hadn't seen her smile since she was little, perhaps she was getting better? "Just one thing, please . . ."

Nuil looked sadly at him. She knew what he wanted. As much as she hated mentioning it, Nogoth was the last thing she had to compare to the brothers she lost. The most alike. It almost hurt looking at him, he looked so much like Nurgon. "I think they fought valiantly," she said quietly. "I know not how they-" she swallowed, "-died."

Just mentioning it sent her heart pounding. Her brow began to sweat. It felt like she was back there. _The heat and darkness she had woken to. Alone. Completely and utterly alone. As she had lain in the rubble she had heard the rumble of the dragons laughter, the clattering of gold. Fourteen and alone with a dragon. Her fingers dug into the rubble as she dragged herself to what had once been the entrance of the mountain. Piled high were the crumbled doors and green stone work she had so loved. A tiny whimper escaped her throat as she lifted herself to her knees. _

_Bodies. Bodies everywhere. Some burned others completely charred, crushed by rock, half burned. The smell rose to her nose, like meat gone bad. _

_But the gates weren't completely sealed. A shaft of light came from the top of the stone pile, a beacon. Slowly, she climbed the rocks, her cuts stinging. The right side of her face numb with pain._ Nuil blinked away the memory. A horrible nightmare that she would relive at night, brought to the surface just by speaking of it. Nogoth's eyes were wide, his knuckles white as he slowly stood to his feet.

Then he was hugging her.

He bent his head to whisper in her ear, "thank you."

"Twas nothing," she replied, struggling to keep the emotion out of her voice.

Nogoth chuckled. "Now I finally know why you lock yourself in your bedroom for days on end."

Nuil pulled away, "this means I can officially leave now." And suddenly she felt some relief, the pressing weight on her that had followed her since that day.

* * *

**T.A. 2789**

She was in the Shire, wandering through the small village of Hobbiton. Nuil ignored the plainly obvious stares of the shire-folk, as she weaved in and out of the vendors stalls. Her fingers trailed over the floral patterns on the bolts of fabric, the produce from farmers, and woodwork of carpenters. It was so blessedly peaceful.

Springtime brought the flowers. Alysum, lantana, roses, peonies, morning glories, all kinds. This place just radiated peace. Even though she was stared at, talked about behind hands, and whispered about, they really were a good folk. The barman at the pub didn't seem to mind her, he had even took the time to speak with her after closing hour. She grew to know these hobbits, their ways and life, through a kind hearted barkeep who didn't mind that she was a stranger.

As she stood under their party tree, a great oak towering above, she lifted her face as the wind pulled at her braided hair. Nuil felt so at peace here, and did something she hadn't done in nineteen years.

She smiled.

* * *

**T.A. 2790**

It was not often that she found herself shocked. Even surprised. This most definitely surpassed anything she would have thought she would have seen that day. Noledhe had charged her with getting their weapons to a smithy, as they rested and tended to Nedoheen's wounds from a small skirmish with a pack of wargs not ten miles away.

Yet, pounding on a red hot piece of metal in the forge, stood one dwarf she never thought she would see ever again. _Ever._ His dark black hair spilled down past his shoulders, unbound. His beard was trimmed, full but not grown like the long full ones of dwarrow she had seen in her travels. Sweat dripped from his temple down the length of his nose onto the metal, sizzling. His brows were pulled together in concentration, strong arms tirelessly swinging the hammer. He looked fearsome, even with his tunic sleeves rolled up. Even without the regal garb of a prince, he still looked the part of a prince.

Nuil knew her mouth was slightly agape, and snapped it shut. Her heart pounding away within her chest as she gazed at him. With effort she forced her eyes to find the owner of the forge. The man was bent over a worktable, sleeves rolled to his elbows. His back was to her, and she knew better than to approach unannounced.

"Ruven!"

The man turned, when he spotted her a wide grin split his face. His brown hair, wild and curling, was held from his face with a thin cord of leather. Ruven whipped his dirty hands on his leather working apron, walking towards her where she stood in the doorway.

"Lady Nuil! It is a pleasure to see you, especially so early in the season," he said kindly.

"The same," she replied. "I'm afraid I am here only on business." She lifted the four swords in her arms, eager to be rid of their weight. "These need to be sharpened."

Ruven picked up Nogoth's, pulling it from its sheath and testing the blade with his thumb. He frowned slightly, when it came away unscathed.

"This is very dull," he murmured. "What have you been doing? Hacking at trees?"

Nuil smirked. "Perhaps."

Ruven gave her a stern look, setting it on the table and checking each blade in turn. Nuil rested her hands on her hips, waiting until Ruven set her blade with the rest. He shook his head. She knew he was uneased by the wear on the weapons.

"They will be sharpened and ready in three days, if that suits you," he told her. Nuil nodded.

"It does."

"I will have my new hand help, seeing as I am busy with a project. May he touch your blades?" Ruven asked. He knew that her brothers were protective of their weapons, and she smiled appreciatively. He had always treated their family well in their business dealings.

"He may," she replied. Nuil turned her gaze to the dwarf, finding his blue eyes locked on her. He looked almost as if he was seeing a ghost, hammer paused above the metal rod. She nodded to him. "Thorin, son of Thrain, it is good to see you."

Hearing her voice addressed to him seemed to draw him from his stupor. He swallowed quickly before replying, "Lady Nuilweyil, it is good to see you well."

Nuil turned to Ruven, smiling at his surprise. "I will return in three days, Master Ruven." She turned and left the smithy, heart pounding as she hurried to return to her brothers at the inn.

Ruven turned to the dwarf, a frown on his lips. "Her name is Nuilweyil?" The dwarf did not respond, merely returned to his work. His strokes became more fierce, and his brow furrowed. She was _alive._ After all these years of thinking that Nolen's family had perished within Erebor, she was suddenly standing before him.

* * *

Three days later the four siblings stood in the smithy. Nedoheen was standing stiffly next to his sister, watching Noledhe. They wore no smiles as they were presented their blades, cautious eyes scanning their weapons. Finally Noledhe nodded, fastening his belt around his waist.

"This is fine work, Ruven," he said quietly. A frown crept onto his face when the smith nodded, yet his eyes were on his sister, Nuil. Yet Nuil seemed oblivious, more focused on her weapon than anything else.

"I would take your thanks Lord Noledhe, yet it is not I that worked the blades," Ruven replied. He gestured towards the dwarf to his left. Noledhe squinted his eyes, trying to make out the features of the dwarf. Finally his brows rose.

"We are well met, Thorin, son of Thrain," he said reverently. "It has been many years."

Thorin bowed his head, but remained silent. His fists were clenched behind his back, clenched firmly.

"I see that Thorin is well acquainted with your family," Ruven said. Interest laced his voice as he looked from Thorin and the four siblings. Nedoheen glared at the smith, eyes hardening.

"I do not see how it concerns yourself, Master Smith," he hissed. Noledhe shot the younger a stern look and stepped towards the smith. He was quick to change the topic, sensing his brothers growing ire and the mans growing interest.

"If I may speak to you of payment, Master Ruven," he said quickly. Ruven nodded his head, glancing briefly at Nuil before guiding Noledhe into the front of the shop. Nogoth and Nedoheen followed, leaving Nuil with Thorin in the dimly lit forge. She slowly raised her eyes to him, studying him silently before speaking to the dwarf prince.

"How are you?" Nuil asked Thorin. She was very aware of how blatantly rude the question was. One did not ask the grandson of a king such things. She looked away, moving her eyes to the floor. He was looking at her face, and more importantly, her scar.

"Well," came his deep reply. Nuil raised her eyes as she heard his feet moving over the dirt floor. Thorin had gone back to his station, seeming to intend on beginning his work once more. She watched as he picked up a pair of tongs and a long bar of metal. "And you?"

Nuil almost felt herself recoil at the question. It was not often that she was faced with it, and she really didn't know how to respond. Was she well? Nuil knew that she was not well. She was able to speak of Erebor now, but only for a little while. The nightmares still plagued her sleep, and the mention of dragons sent chills down her spine and her heart pounding. There was always the laughter of a dragon ringing in her thoughts when she even dwelled on it.

"Well," she replied. However the dwarf-prince had seen her hesitation, and had turned to face her. His face was serious, lips turned downwards. Nuil wanted to leave, he had seen her hesitation and knew she was lying. Nuil didn't bother to speak, focusing on the horseshoe by her feet. She had seen the flicker of anger cross his face at her reply.

"Your parents?" he questioned a moment later. Nuil raised her eyes, seeing that he had set his tools down. She swallowed thickly, trying not to let her eyes tear up.

"Fell in- . . . Erebor," she managed to say, voice breaking. Nuil took a deep breath and leveled her gaze on Thorin. She could be strong just this once, she could talk about it without the pain. "My brothers fell. I alone escaped."

"My condolences," Thorin said, gazing at her in- what looked to be pity. That made her angry. She did not need Thorin's pity. But there was also an underlying look of shame. She knew he was remembering the last time he saw her, and she him. "Nurgon fought by my side, he died with honor."

Nuil felt her face pale, and panic bubbled in her chest. The desire to let her knees give out was overwhelming, to let a sob tear from her lips. She was saved from responding by her brother, Nogoth. He rested a hand on her shoulder, sensing her distress. Yet he addressed Thorin, gratitude shining in his damp eyes.

"Nurgon was my birth brother," he said to Thorin. "My heart is gladdened to hear that he fell valiantly. You have my thanks."

Thorin bowed his head to Nogoth. He had seen the brother approach, and yet he did not know that the two were so closely tied. He had regretted his words the moment Nuilweyil's face paled. She gave him a warm look, however, with those wonderful hazel eyes, so far from the fear he had once seen in them.

"Come, sister, we bid our leave," Nurgon said to Nuil. The two siblings bowed their heads to him and went towards the front of the shop where Noledhe and Nedoheen waited. Ruven ducked out the door the moment she entered. Nuil frowned gazing after the smith.

"Is Master Ruven unwell?"

"Put in his place," Nedoheen growled, glaring after the man. "He seemed to think that sharpening our blades made the most opportune time to ask for your hand in marriage."

Nuil's jaw dropped slightly, and she slowly regained her composure to give him a knowing look. A faint blush colored her cheeks. She was well . . . flattered to say the least. "I take it you declined the offer?"

"Aye," Nedoheen replied. "He will not bother you again."

"He never bothered me, Nedoheen," Nuil muttered annoyed. "I saw him as a friend. We have lost a good and trusted smith now with this, I am sure you threatened him." She glared at her brother.

"Worry not," Noledhe said. "Ruven will stay as out smith, but now he will look for a wife in another. Too long has he watched you."

Nuil groaned, "let us be gone then."

"Very well," Noledhe said, leaving the shop. Nogoth and Nedoheen followed with slight grins on their faces. She sighed and made to follow them, before being stopped by a voice.

"Nuilweyil."

Nuil turned as she heard her name called. Thorin stood in the doorway of the forge, tongs gripped tightly in one hand. "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow."

"Safe journey, then," he replied. He wanted to say more, yet the words would not form on his lips. She was a far cry from the young girl he had once known. She was a woman now. There was no denying that she was pretty. Not a rare woman of beauty, but a beauty in her own right. Bright hazel eyes, a smooth but firm jaw, dark brown hair falling past her shoulders, and a kind yet tired face.

Nuil smiled slightly. "Many thanks, Thorin, son of Thrain. Should fate bring us together again, I look forward to our meeting."

And then she was gone.

* * *

**Well, there we are. I think this was a lovely chapter. I know it jumps around a lot. I also added more to it, because I too have noticed how short my chapters are getting, so I spent some time adding to it. I definitely will be going back to chapters and adding more to make them longer and give more details to the story overall. **

**In T.A. 2788 Nuil is 32 years old. When she meets Thorin again in T.A. 2790 she is 34 years old. He is ten years older than her, so he would be 44 at this point. I just wanted to let anyone know this so that it sort of puts things into perspective. (I have the years of birth for_ every character_, so I know how old they are :) ) **

**Special thanks to my reviewers!:**

**Comics4theFeels, MoonCrown, The Penned Tekrid, IceheartsChill, Sam0728**

**Yeah, I also noticed how short the chapters were getting and had a freak out moment last night. I about scrapped the whole thing but then I took a deep breath and began editing and adding. Plus I realized some things that I wanted to add, so I must thank you all, you are life savers! Without it I probably would be giving you 'flat' chapters. Now I'm super excited for the next chapter! **

**BATTLE OF AZANULBIZAR! Can you tell I'm smiling? Oh, and tell me what you guys think of Nuil so far!**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	11. Chapter 11

******Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, save for characters not in his works.**

* * *

**"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."**

**~Lao Tzu**

* * *

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

**T.A. 2799**

**Nine years later . . .**

Brother and sister frowned at the ranger before them. The tall man had a tankard of ale in his hands as he recounted the reported sightings of orc and dwarf movements outside the Eastern gates of Moria. The mountain had once been home to a great dwarven kingdom, Khazad-dum, until some dark shadow had been awoken there. Rumors of a beast of fire and darkness . . .

"The dwarf known as Thrain, son of Thror, is moving troops to the eastern gates. I believe he is preparing to retake the halls of Moria. The Dimrill Dale is said to be crawling with orcs and the gate is open."

"This is rumor, is it not?" Nedoheen asked. His brow was arched in disbelief.

The ranger shrugged. "It is what is reported. None have gone to confirm the reports. You may call it rumor, if you will." Nuil frowned at the ranger, finding it odd that he didn't really know if the sightings were true. Rangers were supposed to be more reliable, not . . . like this man. He seemed indifferent, when others tended to take news like this more seriously. Nuil would feel better knowing if this ranger spoke the truth or not, instead of listening to rumor and hearsay.

"What if someone goes to see if they are true?" Nuil asked. The ranger frowned clearly disapproving.

"The journey may prove to be a waste of effort. The affairs of the dwarves are hardly our concern," he said with a hint of malice in his voice. Nuil frowned at the ranger, clenching her jaw. The ranger resumed drinking, leaving the siblings to think on his words.

Nuil knew that the reports could all be rumors. Yet there was a part of her that was curious to see if they were true. That and she would rather know the truth than believe something that was false. Misinformation, always led to bad things. And the opportunity to travel beyond the Misty Mountains was very enticing. It had been many years since she had ventured beyond those gray peaks. There was a chance that this- _lazy_, ranger was right, and Thrain was there. And where Thrain was, so would the rest of his family be. She knew Thorin was well, she had seen him in Ruven's smithy. But the other two whom she was closest to, she had no clue if they were.

And if the ranger was right, then there would also be orcs. Orcs very seldom stayed in one place long, especially when there were villages ripe for the picking right near them. They would have to know if there was danger. Nuil couldn't very well sit back and let innocent people be slaughtered. Part of her was irked that the ranger didn't even seemed interested in this possibility. Her family and rangers held one thing in common, and that was protecting the weak. This ranger seemed to be indifferent to these things, more worried about the ale he was drinking.

"I think we should journey there," Nuil said suddenly, jolting Nedoheen from his musings. He stared at her in surprise.

"It would be most unwise," he murmured, glancing briefly to the ranger who was watching them with interest. "Sister, you know we must return home."

"But there are orcs," she fired back, brows pulled together. "If the dwarves are to engage in battle with the orcs and they lose, which they might, considering their dwindling numbers, what is to stop them from crossing the mountains and entering Eriador?" She raised her brows. "Would it not seem wise to at least see if the reports are true so that we may return and warn the villages?"

Nedoheen clenched his jaw. His sister had a valid point, and yet it did not sit well with him. Whatever the dwarves had planned, boded ill. "We must send word to Noledhe. He will not like this."

"I never said he would," she replied.

"If we are to go, then let us begone at dawn. I trust you to write to our brother."

* * *

They left the ranger to his ale, moving to their rooms. Nuil penned a letter to their brother, and settled in for the night. In the morning, while the dew was still fresh the two set out from Bree. The gatekeeper greeted them with a frown, grumbling that it was far too early for traveling. Nuil gave the sealed letter to him with instructions to send it with a messenger to Arnor, giving the man ten gold coins for the trouble.

The early spring left them with rainy days, and cold nights as they traveled east. The siblings briefly stayed in Imladris, resupplying and speaking with the Lord Elrond. Within a week of their stay at Imladris they were in the mountain pass of the Misty Mountains. They were lucky to have the fortune of not encountering any goblins, which were known to be in the mountains.

By the end of summer they left the mountains and traveled south, until they encountered the very thing they were searching for.

* * *

Nuil frowned as they were roughly escorted to the center of the dwarrow encampment. Nedoheen glared and ground his teeth together, biting his tongue to keep silent for his sisters sake. She knew dwarves and trusted her judgment. Though he found it a sting to his pride to be handled in such a manner.

The main tent was the only one that was large enough to house six dwarrow, the others barely large enough for one. The dwarrow that they passed looked world worn, beaten down, and aged. The years of hardships had not been kind to the people of Mahal.

The sentries behind them shoved them again, earning a growl of displeasure from Nedoheen. With another shove they entered the main tent. The siblings blinked their eyes at the sudden change in light, grimacing until they adjusted to the candle light.

"They were found just outside the perimeter, my lords," one sentry said with a distrusting growl in his voice. The other gave the siblings a firm glare, but earn nothing from them. "They say they know you, yet they could be spies."

Nuil glared at the sentry before turning her eyes to the dwarrow before them. Prince Thrain had aged. His once graying hair was nearly completely white. His face was lined with age and hardships. But his shoulders were set proudly and the crown of the king rested upon his brow. Beside him stood his two sons, Thorin and Frerin.

Thorin was as she had seen him, in the smithy those years ago. His black hair shone like a river of black, spilling past his shoulders. His blue eyes gazed on her with a look of warm remembrance. Frerin had matured, though still young. His black hair gleamed in the glow of the fire, his lips lifted in one of his familiar smiles, the lines carven into the skin around his mouth. His own eyes, gray instead of blue, rested on her with a look of delight.

"Bless me, is it really?" Frerin breathed stepping forward. "Is it our little Nuil?"

"Aye," Nuil said, gracing him with a small smile. Frerin beamed.

"My brother did not lie then!"

Thorin spared his brother an annoyed glance, before looking to her once more. "You look well," he said. Nuil smiled.

"As do you. Where is King Thror?" Her brows drew together in a frown. Why was he not present? She worried briefly, that the king had not survived Smaug's attack. But then she looked at their faces.

At her words a heavy stillness filled the air, all the dwarrow present turned somber and dark in their eyes. Dread filled Nuil's chest and she waited. Frerin stepped forward, reaching out a hand to her, his eyes becoming kind, compassionate and full of the deepest despair she had ever seen in them. It almost frightened her, having never seen such emotion in those gray depths before.

"Nuil, King Thror is dead. He was killed by the orc named Azog."

A heavy weight settled in her chest, clenching her lungs. Nedoheen placed a steadying hand on her arm, squeezing gently. He had heard her tales of Erebor, told to her by the King himself. The loss was a heavy blow. Nuil felt her knees begin to buckle, her eyes becoming damp, but no tears came, not now.

"When?" she managed to ask, desperately trying to stay calm.

"Nine years ago," Frerin said heavily. Nuil's eyes shot to Thorin, vividly remembering their meeting. It had been that same year. She saw his eyes burdened by grief, the blue clouded by pain. No. Thorin had not known then that his grandfather had been killed. Murdered. She could hardly order her own thoughts, shaken by this news. But she was not Thror's kin, and surely they must have taken the news very ill indeed.

"We have declared war on Azog, to avenge his death," Frerin went on, fire entering his voice. "We engage the orcs in battle within a week, once our uncle and cousin arrive from the Iron Hills."

"It seems we have entered in at the most inopportune time," Nedoheen muttered. Frerin glanced at him, a frown on his face. He had never seen this brother, Nuil realized.

"Is this Nurnedhe?"

"This is Nedoheen, the second eldest," Nuil told him. "There are only four of us that remain."

She did not even flinch. Her voice didn't crack, and panic did not threaten to overtake her. Nuil could see the shock on Frerin's face, the sadness in his eyes. He knew that she was the only one to make it out alive from Erebor. Yet he did not know the length of the scar that it had left on her. Of course he could see the one on the right side of her face, faded to a light white, but running from her eyebrow to her jaw. Nuil watched his eyes trace her scar and felt the urge to turn her face from his sight. Yes, she was marked from Erebor.

But it didn't matter now. There was a battle, a war at hand, and they would need all the help they could get. From the dwarrow she had seen on her way to the tent, she knew they were few in number. Nuil was fair with the sword, and had held her own when confronted in the wilds by orcs. Surely they could use her. She looked at Frerin and Thorin, and a new thought found its way into her head. Would she sit back and let them do this alone? Could she watch them, possibly be led to slaughter?

"I will fight," she declared instantly.

She was met by several outcries from around her. Nedoheen's grip on her arm turned vice-like, and Frerin looked horrified. Thorin frowned while Thrain shook his head. They had all shouted against it, but she would not be so easily swayed in her decision.

"I will fight," she repeated, noting that Nedoheen looked distressed. He knew that look in her eyes, that fire that once kindled did not go away until she had won. He knew that these dwarves were special to her. He let go of her arm with a sigh.

"I do not bless this choice," he told her, earning stares from the dwarrow before them. "But I cannot stop you. Though I will try."

"This cannot be allowed!" Frerin argued, spreading his arms with a look of panic in his eyes. "She is- she is a woman! Women do not go to battle."

"Such a thing is dangerous," Thrain added, "surely the healing tents could use Nuil's hand more than the battlefield."

"I can fight, you know this," Nuil told them sternly, her hand resting on the hilt of her sword. "I am not a helpless gentlewoman."

"Nor are you a warrior," Frerin added gently moving towards her. His eyes were pleading, trying to make her see reason. They shifted to Nedoheen. "You are her brother, make her see reason!"

"I cannot," Nedoheen said heavily. "She has reached maturity, only Noledhe has authority over her actions, and he is not here." He glanced at Thrain and Thorin. "We are too far from home. Nuil has made her mind, I will not withhold her."

Nuil knew better than to thank her brother. He was not supporting her, merely letting them know it was not him who held sway over her choice, it was herself. Frerin looked back to her, desperate anger entering his face.

"I will not let this happen," he growled. "Father, make her see."

Thrain folded his arms and leveled a stern gaze upon her. "If Nuil will not listen, then she will be placed where she will be most safe- she will join Frerin's column."

"Father!" Frerin cried.

"Enough! I see that all our minds are made. This will be done, and nothing more is to be discussed," he told Frerin. Frerin's shoulders slumped. Thrain turned to Nuil. "It is good to see that you are well, mimel ze. You were greatly missed."

Nuil bowed her head to Thrain. They were dismissed then, led outside to a tent near the edge of the encampment and left to themselves. Nedoheen gave her one look before disappearing inside the tent. Nuil sighed, the stubbornness of males . . .

She knew that Nedoheen was resting, catching up on lost sleep from their journey, and wandered up the hill beside the tents. The outcropping of boulders grew numerous as she reached the top, small blades of grass peeking through cracks in the surface of the rock. The few pines faded away into stone as she reached to the top. Taking in a deep breath she turned her gaze to the land before her.

The hill overlooked the east gate of Moria. It was open, a large black arch that stood out against the white-gray stone. The sun was already set beyond the mountain, casting a shadow over the small dale that led to the gate. A flicker of light came to life in the gate, a torch, she could see if she squinted. A chill ran up her spine, the orcs were there. It almost felt like they could see her up on the hill, and wanted to taunt her. So close yet so far away.

Behind her a rock tumbled down the slope and Nuil spun around, hand on the hilt of her sword. Her eyes landed on the still form of a dwarf, his hands raised slightly in the air as a sign of peace, as he slowly approached. She frowned as he joined her, standing by her side and gazing out across the dale.

"My brother is worried for your safety," Thorin said lowly. His arms crossed, brows pulling together. "It would be wise to remain in the camp."

"While you fight, bleed and die?" she replied with a huff. "I think not. It does not sit well in my bones to let others die when I could be helping."

"Nuilweyil, you would only distract," he said. Annoyance raced through her veins.

"You are only upset that a female is going to battle, I am not a child anymore," she said, fighting against the growl in her throat.

"No. You are not a child," he conceded. "But there are those that care for you." He looked at her then, staring down into her hazel eyes, with an almost fond look. "Dis misses you." Nuil caught the flicker in his eyes, the sign that he had not said what he had meant. Part of her understood.

"I-"

"Nuil!"

Nuil and Thorin turned, watching as Frerin climbed the hill and panted to a stop several feet away. The brothers shared a look, full of meaning and laced with a slight glare. Then Thorin looked to her again. "Until morning," he said and began down the hill, glancing briefly at Frerin.

Once Thorin had gone, Frerin approached her, taking one of her hands within his own. His hands were large, compared to her smaller ones. "Is there any chance I can convince you to stay?"

"No," she replied sternly. "My mind is made."

Frerin sighed. "Mahal, you are stubborn." He gripped her hand tightly, gray eyes searching hazel ones full of intent. "Promise me one thing?"

" . . . go on."

"Stay close when the fighting starts, no matter what," he said, his voice caught, "I cannot bear the thought of losing you." He pulled her hand closer to him, resting it against his chest.

Nuil tried to fight down the sudden panic that boiled in her. What was Frerin doing? He was asking her things that were not easily kept. Part of her knew that Frerin had always been fond of her. Nuil was fond of him, but time had changed her. But here he was, speaking yet not really speaking, not what he really meant. The line of Durin seemed to do that often. She looked past his shoulder, with a frown. Slowly Frerin dropped her hand.

"I understand if you do not wish to do this . . ."

"Frerin," she said bringing her eyes back to search his face. His gray eyes were sad, the line of his lips drawn tight as he clenched his jaw. There was also a look of loving fondness in his eyes, as he gazed at her. Nuil swallowed. "I will try to do as you ask. But battle is dangerous, I have been taught this. Promises meant to be kept can be broken whether we want them to or not."

"It is more than I had hoped for," he replied a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He wanted to say more, to tell her that seeing her here had made all those long years seem worth it. She had always been a pretty thing, despite not having a beard. But it was her fire that made him admire her so. Now she was here, going into battle with him before weeks end, and all Frerin wanted to do was hide her away from it.

He wanted to keep her safe. He wanted . . . well, there was no denying it, he wanted her.

Yet this was not the place nor time to express such feelings. He could wait. All he could hope for was that the outcome of the battle favored them. Reaching for her hand once more, he brought it to his lips. Raising his eyes he saw her breathing catch, her eyes narrowed on her hand.

"Until tomorrow, Nuil," he said. Slowly he dropped her hand and turned away.

* * *

She woke with a start, shaking as she swung her legs over the side of her cot. The thin blanket wrapped itself around her legs but she didn't move it. Small beads of sweat covered her face, and somewhere she could hear the frantic breathing of her brother. Her ears buzzed, as the dragon's laughter faded, and the breathing became louder. Belatedly she realized that it was her own breathing and deep a deep calming breath.

Such dreams she was having.

There was a rustle of linens and Nedoheen raised his head from his cot, eyes half open as he looked at her. Sleep still clung to his face, and his brown hair was tangled in a bundle of hair on the side of his head. She would have snickered had it not been for the dream and the seriously, although sleepy, look he was giving her.

"Nuil? What is it? What's wrong?" he asked, slowly rising to his elbows. His blanket fell away from his shoulders revealing a lean but scarred chest. The thin and puckered flesh was the remains of a bloody attack from wargs nine years ago when she had met Thorin in the smithy. Nuil rubbed her forehead with a frown.

"A dream," she murmured. "The same dream I always dream when I am restless."

Nedoheen's brows drew together, and he sat up fully. "Battle is no easy matter-"

"It is not the battle I am worried for," she cut in. "It is those fighting that I worry for." Nedoheen regarded her silently for a moment, before dragging his hand across his face and setting his bare feet on the ground.

"I would be a liar to say that no one worries before such things," he began quietly. "I worry for you. But it cannot be helped. All you can do is hope that the Valar will you and those you care for to live. You must accept that there will be lives lost, little sister. You are entering into a conquest of men."

* * *

Nuil and Frerin walked side by side through the camp, gazing at the gathered dwarrow in silence. Most were sharpening axes, swords, testing the balance of war hammers, and staffs. Nuil noticed that startling lack of armor, or the poor metal they had. It was nothing compared to the strong steel and iron that had clad the warriors in Erebor. This armor looked thin, most of it dented, and even rusted. She glanced around becoming increasingly uneasy.

Frerin saw it, as he watched and gauged her reaction. "Most have sold or bartered away their armor to feed their families," he said following her line of sight to an elderly dwarf, banging out a dent in his armor. "Our smiths have done the best they can with so little time and resources."

"But you have been planning this for nine years,' she replied frowning. "Surely that is enough time to procure proper armor?"

"We have not the gold to buy it," Frerin said almost bitterly. Nuil glanced at him. This was terrible, they were so ill equipped that it made her stomach churn. Had Mahal forsaken them? He was their father, and they his people. They were not meant to suffer like this. She gently took his hand and gave it a squeeze. He bended his arm and moved her hand to rest in the crook of his elbow.

They were silent once more until they came to the healing tents. This was where most of the dwarf women were. There were few, but they moved about the tents, ordering bandages, cleaning linens, sharpening tools. This was where she was wanted, but not where she felt needed.

"There is someone I'd like you to meet," Frerin told her quietly leading her to a far tent where a dwarf woman stood facing away from them. In the sunlight her golden hair gleamed, held in one long curling braid, dressed in the brown dress of a healer.

"Rana!" Frerin called as they neared. The dwarf woman turned and Nuil gazed at her, almost in awe. She was very beautiful. Sparkling blue eyes, clear like the sky above them, a full smile and a very respectable growth of hair along her chin. It was wildly curled like the rest of her hair, braided with beads of dark sapphire.

"My lord!" she greeted in a velvet smooth voice.

"Frerin," he reminded her. "It is Frerin to you, Rana. I would like you to meet someone." The dwarf woman, Rana, looked to her. Her blue eyes narrowed slightly as she sized Nuil up, and slowly looked back to Frerin.

"She is the little girl you and Thorin knew from when you were younger," she said. Her gaze flickered back to Nuil. "The woman going to battle." Nuil clenched her jaw, finding the sweetness of Rana's voice . . . unsettling. She could tell that Rana was feigning her kindness towards her.

"Yes," Frerin beamed, not noticing anything amiss. "Nuil meet Rana, Thorin's lady." For some odd reason Nuil felt her heart clench painfully, as if Frerin had just reached inside her chest and ripped it out. A flood of weakness rushed to her knees. Thorin's lady?

"I did not know he married," she breathed lightly, chest tight. Rana smiled appreciatively.

"Oh, no. We are not wed _yet_," she told Nuil and glanced at Frerin. "But he likes to act as if we already are. Frerin, you must stop calling me 'Thorin's lady', you'll confuse people."

Frerin grinned, "my apologies, Rana. I just cannot wait until the day we are brother and sister." Rana smiled at him and then turned to Nuil.

"Come, I have not had many opportunities to learn about you, Nuil," Rana said. "Thorin and Frerin always grew so silent when you were mentioned." Nuil let herself be led to a small group of chairs, sitting down while glancing at Frerin who still stood where he was. "Will you not join us, Frerin?"

"Nay, I will leave you ladies to your talking," he replied. He gave them a nod of respect before turning and heading away. Nuil didn't get to watch him long before Rana pounced on her.

* * *

"Did you know Thorin well?" she asked quickly, watching Nuil like an animal would prey. "He seems so fond of you. He felt awful for not getting to you in time." The image of Thorin seeing her right before the gates had collapsed flashed in Nuil's mind. She cleared her throat.

"I was more close to his sister and Frerin," Nuil told Rana. "I would only speak with Thorin in passing." Rana seemed very bent on knowing this, and it somewhat irked Nuil. She did not like how Rana was looking at her either. "How long have you known Thorin?" she asked, feeling the right to know this information.

Rana leaned away from Nuil, a displeased look crossing her fair face. "I knew him when Erebor was still ours," she said quietly. "I was a jewelers daughter, and he took a liking to my fathers work." She smiled then. "I should have known that he was enamored with me. After the dragon took the mountain Thorin found me again and he told me of his feelings. His grandfather loved me, and since then we have been lovers."

"Its sounds wonderful," Nuil said kindly, but she really felt sick. Why did she care anyway? Thorin's life and matters thereof were not her business. But she still felt . . . slighted. Rana nodded in agreement with her words.

"Yes. It is wonderful, it would be even more wonderful if you had never met them," Rana said, anger creeping onto her face. "For _years_ they lamented over your death, feeling guilty that you had died. How often your name passed their lips, I cannot recall." Her lips curled and she stood. "I do not know the spell you hold over the line of Durin, but all you have caused them is hurt and pain."

Nuil felt like Rana had slapped her. Verbally she had. She gazed up at Rana's beautiful face, contorted by anger, and felt so small and insignificant. Yet her insides curled at the thought of causing anyone pain. It wasn't her intention, it never had been. Rana glared down at her.

"And now you are here, involving yourself in our matters, and bringing all that pain back. Now they must worry that you will die here. You are unfeeling and undeserving of their love."

* * *

Several days passed before Nain arrived with his army, and his son, Dain. Nuil had taken to watching the gate of Moria and was told the news by Frerin, when he had come for her. The prince had noticed a change in her, and it worried him. At first he had thought it was nerves for the upcoming battle. Until he had asked about her and Rana. Nuil's response had been odd.

She had recoiled slightly and refused to look him in the eye. Concerned he had taken her shoulder in his hands and begged her to tell him what was wrong. Nuil had shrugged him away, saying she was fine and only nervous. It was a lie, he could tell. Unlike his brother, Frerin would not be angry for being lied to so blatantly. But it still hurt that she would not tell him.

He remembered such a vibrant and cheerful girl. Where had she gone? He shuddered to think of the horrors she must had witnessed, and wanted nothing more than to comfort that woman who now gazed at the gate of Moria in silence as the wind played with her hair. Somehow he knew that Rana had said something to do with it, and it made his blood boil. Rana was only jealous that they knew Nuil so well.

Frerin placed a comforting hand on Nuil's shoulders, turning her to face him. Slowly her hazel eyes rose to meet his gray ones. He drew in a sharp breath at the dampness held within her beautiful eyes. Frerin pressed his palm to the side of her face.

"Let this pain go, Nuil," he begged. "Come back to me."

She shuddered, wet trails of tears coming from her eyes. Nuil shut her eyes, willing the tears away. She didn't want to cause Frerin pain, or anyone else. She clutched the hand holding her face tightly, using all her strength to keep from falling apart before his eyes. Nuil wasn't weak, but she felt a deep longing ache in her bones. She wanted to feel whole again, feel the lightness she once felt, and not the anger and pain. She felt Frerin trace her scar, before his lips were pressed to it.

Slowly she opened her eyes, amazed that he could do such a thing. He didn't make her heart pound like Thorin did, but she still felt a stirring within her. She wanted to try. Slowly she wrapped her arms tightly around Frerin, nodding into his chest. His arms were strong around her, protective. They stood there for a long time.

* * *

**This is the edited chapter. I've tried to explain Nuil's actions a little better here and her reasoning behind her choices. Hopefully any thing not seeming in character for her has been fixed! I think this chapter is probably better now! :)**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I own nothing save for my own characters. J.R.R. Tolkien owns all. ALSO: this chapter contains violence, blood, death, and all that fun stuff, you have been WARNED. **

* * *

**"And I saw that all my life I had known that this was going to happen, and that I'd been afraid for a long time, I'd been afraid for a long time. There's fear, of course, with everybody. But now it had grown, it had grown gigantic; it filled me and it filled the whole world." **

**~Jean Rhys**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

**T.A. 2799**

**The Battle of Azanulbizar- East Gate of Moria**

The day began cloudless, but soon the sky was covered in dark rolling clouds. The sun shone brightly until a little after dawn, when the first cloud floated in front of the sun. A shadow was cast over the dale, the gray stones darkening as shrieking filled the air.

In the dark gate of Moria, they could hear the clamor of metal and feet hitting the earth. The orcs were coming and it was now up to the dwarves to wait.

Nuil shifted silently, glancing at Frerin who stood beside her. The dwarf was glaring fiercely at the gate, his battle ax ready in his hands. Nuil held her own sword tightly, heart pounding in her chest. This would be her first battle, her first fight with more than one foe. It frightened her. She was frightened that she would lose those she cared about.

She knew that there would be deaths.

But whose?

Looking past Frerin she nodded to her brother as he gazed back at her. He could see the fear in her eyes, and shook his head. Nedoheen wanted to spare his sister such an experience, but her mind was made and he understood why she wanted to fight. There was honor in battle, and also in fighting alongside those whom you cared for. He just wasn't sure how he could watch her if anyone she cared for died here.

Nuil turned her head, gazing out across the plateau to the other column of dwarrow that was led by Frerin's brother, Thorin. He stood tall and strong beside another dwarf that she recognized, Dwalin, his mohawk standing out against the other dwarrow wearing helms. The two also stood watching the gate, tensely holding their weapons. As if sensing her, Thorin turned his head and looked to her. He nodded to her, brows drawing together and looked away. Nuil sighed, shifting once again. She readjusted her breastplate, grimacing at how it moved so loosely.

The armor she wore was not made for her. It was simple armor that they had found and given to her. Good armor was hard to come by now, for the dwarrow. Most had sold theirs as their children had begun to starve. Nuil knew she was not the only one with poor armor. But having armor was better than having no armor.

She froze however, when movement from the gate drew her attention. From out of the black gloom emerged an orc. Nuil sucked in a sharp breath as she gazed at him. This orc had pale skin, almost white, and was massive, compared to the two that followed him. While they were not very small, this orc made them seem small. He was a giant, and they were ants.

The pale orc. Azog the Defiler.

Azog's gaze swept over the ranks of dwarrow, a smirk growing on his face as his eyes landed on Thrain. He raised his left arm, a deadly looking mace in his hand. His eyes never left the new king as he spoke: "Lat Thrain, baur ob Thror, vrasubatlat! Vrasubatuk baur!"

Nuil did not know what Azog had said, but sensed that it was nothing good. She had never bothered learning the black tongue. Nuil knew she was right when the pale orc began to laugh, spreading his arms wide. Beside her Frerin tensed.

"Do you know what he said?" she asked worriedly. For a moment Frerin did not seem like he had heard her, but then his low voice rose.

"He said he would kill my father and brother," Frerin said. He glared at the orc. "It is a vow to kill the line of Durin. Vows are seldom broken."

Nuil breathed in sharply, looking back to the orc. Frerin's words settled heavy within her, an ill feeling clinging her her heart. With a roar, Azog raised his mace and swung it forward. From within the shadows of the mountain, cries filled the air clamoring with the metallic thrum of weapons being readied. Nuil gave her brother a look, giving him a weak smile. The noise grew until out from the gate emerged Azog's army.

The battle had begun.

* * *

Nuil swung her sword up to meet the massive club heading for her skull. Metal and wood met, jarring her arms as she was pressed under the incredible weight of the orc. She grunted, arms shaking as she tried to push back, sweat dripping from her brow. It snapped its jaws at her face, jagged green teeth sticking out of its mouth at odd angles. It was trying to eat her, bite something on her, but she refused to let it near. All around her others were fighting, orcs ganging up on dwarves, swarming them like flies.

Mahal, she was tired.

Several feet away in the mass of fighting bodies was Nedoheen; he was slowly trying to make his way to her, seeing her distress. His breastplate was red and black with blood, the left side of his head matted down. The orc before her lunged in to snap its teeth near her nose. Quickly Nuil dropped to her stomach, the orc lost its footing and tumbled forward over her. Rolling to her feet Nuil sliced the orc across its back, earning an enraged scream. The orc rolled, only to find her blade cutting its neck.

Nuil turned then, eyes searching for Frerin. They had been separated not long ago when two large orcs had advanced, and she was worried. The moment he had spoken of Azog's vow to kill his family, something in him had . . . changed. Without any hesitation he had charged right into the fray, making his way to the pale orc. Nuil had followed, trying her best to keep her promise to him and protect him from himself.

It was clear to her that Frerin wanted revenge. Revenge for his grandfather, and for the lives being lost today. Revenge for the desecration of Khazad-dum. And it did not sit well with her.

She was attacked by another orc, meeting the same force as she did before. Arms shaking she shoved it off, stabbing it in the gut and running by it. She didn't have time to make sure it was dead, she had to find Frerin. Someone else would have to finish it off, and she hoped that it wouldn't get up and do more killing.

There he was! She spotted his gleaming armor, not the finest she knew there was, but the best for an heir of Durin. He was working his way up the rocky slope towards the pale orc. Dread filled her as Azog spotted Frerin, a savage grin lighting his face. Nuil knew the Frerin could not see it, he was fighting off one of Azog's massive body guards. Azog began down the slope towards him.

Frerin didn't see it.

He didn't see Azog turn.

Or Azog move towards him.

No.

No.

No, no, no ,no, no.

Nuil picked up her pace, running as fast as she could over the dead and through the fighting mass. Pushing her way towards the oblivious dwarf. _No please, Mahal, don't do this_. Azog was advancing. Wide eyed she screamed to him.

"Frerin!"

But her voice was lost in the chaos of battle, the clanging of metal and screams of the dying. Frerin was on his knees, pressed down by the orc before him. His back was to Azog. Frerin didn't know, couldn't see. And it was happening right before her eyes. Nuil swung her fist at the orc that drew near to her, sending it stumbling to the ground, pain blossoming in her knuckles.

Azog raised his mace, bringing it down-

Nuil gasped as she was slammed into the ground, head smacking into the stone with a loud crack. Her vision swam as Azog stared down at her, one moment in bewilderment and then in fury. Frerin had dispatched the orc and turned, seeing Azog standing over her. With a snarl, Azog raised his mace again, this time at her.

"Mat grukurv," he snarled.

Nuil rolled to the side, grimacing in pain as her head pounded. Looking up she found that Frerin had advanced on Azog. _Stop, Frerin._ That wasn't what she wanted, he needed to get away . . . Nuil pushed herself up, unsteadily to her feet. But she didn't have time to help, another orc was in her way.

She pushed back as her feet slid against the stone, slick with blood. There was warmth on her face, her arms felt numb. Out of the corner of her eye, Frerin stumbled.

No.

Azog swung.

_No._

Frerin's head snapped backwards, his body flying to the ground.

Nuil screamed, shoving the orc away from her, running to his side. This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to protect him, keep him alive. Keep them alive. That was why she wanted to fight. Nuil didn't worry about Azog, his attention had been captured by something else. Nuil barely heard the roar of the pale orc as two figures slammed into him. She did not know that it was Thorin. She did not know that his cousin, Dain, fought alongside him.

Frerin lay on his back, swallowing thickly as blood oozed from his wounds. His face was horribly mangled. His nose was shredded, the skin around his mouth torn all the way to the bone. Blood pooled in his mouth, spilling over the sides of his cheeks and down into his beard. Nuil felt her eyes begin to water. Frerin saw her, his wild eyes widening. She took his hand in one of her own. He could hardly keep a firm grip, he was shaking so bad.

"Frerin-" a sob caught in her throat. He wasn't meant to go like this. He wasn't meant to die like this. This was her fault, all her fault. It should be her, not him.

Frerin choked, gagging on his own blood before swallowing. Another sob tore from her.

"I ne- never thou- ght," he swallowed again, struggling to speak. Nuil shook her head.

"Save your strength," she pleaded. Part of her hoped that he would make it. He just had to, he had to live. She squeezed his shaking hand. Frerin shook his head, gagging again.

"I wan- I want t-to say t-this," he took a ragged breath, chest heaving rapidly. She could see him struggling to breath, and it tore at her. "Nuil . . ." his free hand reached up to touch her face, "how f-air you are to me. I only wi- wish, that I tol- told you sooner. I w-wo-ould have l-l-loved you lik-ke no other."

He swallowed again, gray eyes filling with tears.

"Tell- tell my broth- brother that I- I-" Frerin's face contorted in pain. Nuil leaned over him, gripping his hand tightly willing herself to listen. "Tell Thorin- tell that I di-died avenging my grandfather."

"I will."

"F-farewell, my l-lovely Nuil," he breathed thickly. His eyes began to flutter. Nuil grabbed his other hand, holding it tightly. Hot tears poured down out of her eyes. _No, please!_

"Stay with me, Frerin!" she cried. "Don't-" she couldn't finish, tears pouring from her eyes as he heaved one last breath, and then lay still. His hands lost their grip on hers, hanging limply within her own, the color faded from his skin. Nuil gripped his armor, sobbing as his body grew cool.

_Why?!_ She wept bitterly. _Mahal, why must you be so cruel?! Have you no love for your children?!_

She had failed to protect him. Failed to keep him safe. Just like she had failed to save her mother and keep her promise to her father. Failed.

Suddenly she was torn from Frerin's side, a yell pulling from her throat. Her collar was pulled taut around her neck, as she hung from the grip of an orc. Nuil choked, grasping her tunic with frantic fingers. It sneered at her, lifting its jagged and rusted blade. Struggling she reached into her boot and withdrew her long knife, and shoved it right into its face..

It happened so quickly she didn't have time to brace herself. Hitting the stone beneath her, everything blossomed with pain. Nuil's body turned numb, and then the orc came down with her. Unable to move, it landed on her and everything went black.

* * *

Nedoheen gazed at the scene before him dully. So many dead. It was terrible, and while they had won, they had also lost. Lost so many. There was no cheer of victory, no feast. There was nothing. Nothing but the dead lying at his feet. The many- too many- dwarrow laying with their eyes unseeing, in pools of their blood, their fellow warriors blood and the blood of the enemy. Beside him stood Thorin, and the dwarf Dwalin, who his sister had told him of.

But his sister was not there. Worry crept into his heart. He knew her to be a fair swords woman. Yet he could not help but feel the guilt of letting her fight, and not trying to hinder her. If she died . . . what then? What would they do? What would he tell his brothers?

They had already lost her once.

"Search the dead," Thorin said quietly, gripping the oaken branch in his left hand tightly. "We must find the living. Find my brother." Thorin had seen his brother fall, he knew that Frerin had- died. He clenched his fists, willing the pain out of his heart.

Dwalin placed a hand on his shoulder. "We'll find him."

"And Nuil?" Nedoheen asked, not bothering to hide his worry. She had to be found, she just had to. "My sister?"

Thorin looked at him, pain filling his eyes. He had seen her with his brother, in what were most likely his dying moments. It was some solace to him that he had not been alone. "We will find her as well."

They did not find Nuil the first day. Nor Frerin. On the second, panic began to settle in Nedoheen. When he was not forced to stay in the healing tents, he was searching. His little sister was out there, and he had to find her. The thought that she was dead only made his breath catch, heart pound and hands shake.

Surely, someone like his sister could be spared from death?

They found Frerin, on the second day. Thrain, the King, had howled in anguish at the state of his youngest son, sinking to his knees beside his pale and still form. The face of the younger having been torn savagely. Were it not for his garb, none would have recognized him. Thorin had watched in silence, jaw clenched, glaring. He would weep like his father, if only he could, for his people needed someone strong to look to at this moment. Now was Thrain's time to mourn.

Nedoheen began to face the fact that his sister was dead, by the third day. Either carried off into Moria to torture and torment, or disfigured far too greatly to be recognized. He searched the bodies then, not really wanting to see his dead little sister. Not wanting to face what King Thrain and Thorin had faced. Not wanting to see her still and lifeless body, rent beyond imagining. Torn so savagely from the life she could have had. He was not blind to the looks they had shared, Frerin and his little sister. It would be a mercy to have her not see Frerin, not know, to have died with him.

She had been near Frerin during the battle, that much he knew. Then he looked up, a new thought dawning to him. Nuil could not be far from where they had found Frerin. Thorin had mentioned her being with him in his last moments. Turning he bounded across the dead, the stinking of the rotting flesh passing him.

"What's the hurry, lad?" called a graying dwarf, as he passed.

"My sister!"

Nedoheen was joined by the dwarf as they went back to where they had found Frerin. The rise of a hill of stone, overlooking the dale. Both searched the dead, carefully turning bodies, and lifting the dead from one another. Nedoheen worked fervently, convinced she was here. Dead or not, he still had to take her home.

After an hour their searching was proving fruitless. Nedoheen began to despair once more until movement caught his eye, where a pile of orcs lay. He neared, frowning. Had the carrion began to feast on the flesh of the dead? He jumped back in alarm when a small hand, bloodied and dirty clawed outwards from the pile. It reached toward the light, followed by another and what looked to be a head of matted brown hair. He heard the sob of a woman, the slick wet noise of liquid moving against bodies. Nedoheen lunged forward, taking the hand in his own and pulling.

"I found her! Help me!" he cried to the dwarf. The graying dwarf came to his side, eyes widening as he saw the hand and the person attached to it. He muttered a curse and began lifting the dead orcs. Digging Nuil out from the pile of dead bodies, and then pulling her free he gathered her into his arms.

"Nuil!"

"By Mahal," breathed the dwarf staring at them with wide eyes.

Nuil lay in her brothers arms, shaking. The only thing that her eyes saw was the first thing she had woken to, the dead orc face above her own. Yellow eyes staring into her own, burning themselves into her memory.

* * *

**My last chapter to you all before Saturday! :'( I haven't even started packing yet. I was listening to more of Ludovico Einaudi while I edited and reread this, I teared up. I_ hated_ that Frerin had to die, he was such a beautiful character and I really loved him and Nuil together. I really didn't want to write this chapter.**

**Translations: (not sure if its correct, used a black speech dictionary)**

******_Lat Thrain, baur ob Thror, vrasubatlat! Vrasubatuk baur!_- **You Thrain, son of Thror, I will kill you! I will kill your sons!(orcish)

**_Mat grukurv_- die woman-whore**

**A special thank you to my reviewers!: uno mega, The Penned Tekrid, Comics4theFeels, IceheartsChill, KingofTruands, and Cristen! Also a special thanks to those who are following this story!**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for characters not seen in J.R.R. Tolkien's works. **

* * *

**"The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and must therefore be treated with great caution."  
~J.K. Rowling**

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

**T.A. 2799**

Nedoheen brought her to the healing tents. She was placed in the one at the head of the camp, where very few were. Rana saw her in Nedoheen's arms, eyes wide at the state of the bloodied woman. The news spread of her survival like wildfire. Nuil hadn't spoken since she had stopped weeping in Nedoheen's arms, and she knew it worried her brother. Yet every time she thought to say something the face of the orc flashed before her eyes and silenced her.

Nuil had woken the day after the battle had ended. At first it was dark, and she was unable to move. She had been confused as to why, until she opened her eyes. The scream died in her throat as she stared wide eyed up at the orc above her. Its face was contorted into a silent scream, mouth gaping and eyes open. It terrified her into silence. Even when she heard movement around her, she was silent.

Eventually she knew she had to get out. Which is what she did; pulling herself out of the pile when she could finally move her muscles again. There Nedoheen had found her. But she hadn't said a word, and she really didn't want to. Nuil knew that if she did, she would weep.

But Nuil refused to cry for herself. She didn't deserve it. Frerin deserved her tears. He had died and she had done nothing. Being buried alive under a pile of dead orcs seemed a fitting punishment for her failure.

She was told that she had a few broken ribs, and bad bruising. They would let her go within seven days. Nuil touched her arm, fingers ghosting over the bandage. A blade had cut through the muscle, and she would be very lucky if it ever returned to its previous state. Already she could tell that her sword arm would never be the same, her range of motion would be severely hindered.

"Your brother tells me that you were found not far from my brother," said a voice to her right. Nuil looked up, seeing Thorin in the entrance of the tent. His left arm was in a sling, broken from his fight with Azog.

"Thorin Oakenshield," she greeted quietly, using his new battle-won name. The roughness of her voice grated on her throat, and she cleared it. "That is true."

Thorin entered the tent, sitting on the empty bed beside her own. He barely spared a glance towards his cousin Dain, who lay not far from her on his own bed dozing silently. Thorin looked tired, and worn. Nuil did not smile to him. She did not feel like smiling or reassuring him that she was fine. She was not fine, and it was her fault that Frerin was dead. There was no reason to beat around the bush or ignore it.

"You were there when he fell," Thorin stated, looking at her intently. Nuil nodded, looking away from him as a lump formed in her throat. "How did he die?"

" . . . he fell fighting Azog, avenging his grandfather," she whispered as tears pricked the corners of her eyes, as she told him what Frerin had asked her to. Thorin was silent, and she refused to look at him. It was her fault his brother was dead, she wasn't there to stop his death. "He thought himself in love with me, didn't he?"

Thorin did not respond immediately, seeming reluctant when he did. He spoke slowly as if allowing the words to sink in, not only for her but himself. "He did. I believe it was out of relief that you were alive." He lifted her chin to look into her eyes. "But I think he loved you, far longer than even I realized."

Nuil sighed heavily. Would this battle have turned out differently for Frerin had she not been here? No, she knew he would have died even if she had not been there. The look in his eyes when Azog had vowed to end his line, cemented his fate. Frerin would have rushed head-long into the fight with Azog even if she had not been there.

Did that make his death her fault?

Nuil knew that it didn't, but she still felt- _guilty_. He shouldn't have had to die. Then . . . if he had lived, would she have returned his feelings? Nuil felt a warmth in her when he was near. But she did not know if it was love, and this made her feel even more guilty. Nuil raised her eyes, bravely meeting Thorin's who was watching her.

"And if I did not return his feelings?"

"He would have been hurt," Thorin replied.

"I have only seen Frerin as a brother to me," she admitted. "In time- I believe I may have come to see things differently. He told me that he would have loved me."

"Now?"

Nuil shook her head. "I know not."

"Nedoheen plans to return home with you within six days," Thorin said, changing the topic. He sensed that Nuil was on the verge of tears, and wished no more pain on her. He had seen them, the beginnings of love blooming between them in the short days they had shared. "The journey will be long."

"Not impossible," she murmured looking away, she found that if she looked too long at him he began to resemble Frerin . . . so alike in appearance but different in temperaments.

"You promise to stay safe?"

Nuil looked at Thorin. His eyes told her that he was being sincere and he truly meant his words. Slowly she nodded.

"I promise."

* * *

Rana finished redressing her bandages, giving her a disapproving look before moving to the table beside the bed. Nuil kept her gaze on that far tent wall, watching the fabric move with the wind. No thoughts ran through her mind, nothing stirred her wandering eyes, until Rana gave a sigh.

"I knew this would happen," she breathed. "You-" she looked down at Nuil, not caring that she wasn't paying any attention to her. "You are a monster. And you would be wise to stay away from Thorin and King Thrain." Rana moved away. Nuil turned her gaze to the dwarf woman, who was as beautiful as the gold in the treasury in Erebor. She watched as Rana greeted Dain warmly.

The cousin had sustained a blow to his leg, while fighting with Thorin. He was bedridden, and smiled brightly as Rana sat on the edge of his bed. She spoke with Dain in a hushed voice, earning an even bigger smile from Dain, and he placed his hand over Rana's. Nuil expected Rana to pull away. But she didn't, and Nuil narrowed her eyes. Surely the intended of Thorin would pull away from such a forward action? Rana cast Nuil a glance, her eyes warning her not to say anything.

But Nuil only frowned, brows pulling together. Rana was not who everyone seemed to think she was. It irritated her that only she seemed to realize this. The female dwarf was truly . . . atrocious. Even that word didn't fit when compared to Rana. Nuil couldn't place the unpleasant feeling she got within her chest, but she knew- _knew_ that Rana was trouble.

* * *

The next six days passed slowly. She would spend the mornings with her brother, speaking with him. She knew that her slow return to her old self was pleasing to Nedoheen. But she didn't feel the same as before. Nuil felt like a part of her was missing, a dark gaping hole had taken place in her, and she struggled to feign her old self. But Nedoheen seemed to believe it was sincere and genuine. He would then leave and go about his business. Nuil would then be joined by a dwarf named Balin.

The older dwarf was kind and told her stories. He reminded her of Thror. Yet he was much warmer than the king had been. He would sit on the side of her bed and smile at her, as he told his tales. Balin was the older brother of Dwalin, and once she had found this out, was even more delighted by his interest in her and concern over her wellbeing.

He told her of how Thorin gained the name Oakenshield, when he fought against Azog. Balin leaned down to speak in a lower voice so that only she could hear:

"When our hope was fading and young Prince Frerin lay dying, he rose up against the pale orc," Balin said. "He fought valiantly, never giving up as his shield was torn from him. But there beside where he had fallen was an oaken branch, that he took up and blocked Azog's advances. Then regaining his sword, he cleaved Azog's hand off. Azog was carried back into the depths of Moria, and the battle was won."

"He saw Frerin fall, did he not?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

Balin looked kindly at her, a touch of pity entering his eyes. "I do believe he did. But he did see Azog try to kill you as well."

"Then I owe him my life," she murmured, burying her hands in the bed linens and curling them into fists. The overwhelming guilt she felt whenever replaying the events in her mind was crippling. It didn't hurt so much as it had at first, but- _it was still there_.

"Perhaps," Balin replied. "But I fear that it will not be the last we see of the pale orc."

"Thorin does not believe that," Nuil said. She had spoken with Thorin yesterday, and his conviction that Azog would die of his wounds was so resolute and firm, that even she began to believe it. They had spoken until Rana had come, giving Nuil a glare, before leading Thorin out of the tent.

"Aye," the dwarf nodded. Then he sighed. "I do believe this is where I bid my leave, my lady."

"Until tomorrow then," she replied. Balin smiled and rose to his feet, bowing to her before exiting the tent. Nuil sighed and closed her eyes, eager to let her mind wander into the warm embrace of sleep. Though it meant dreaming of flaming fires, and yellow eyes.

* * *

She woke later to find Thorin sitting on the bed next to hers. He was watching her silently with a thoughtful look on his face that was genuinely his own. Groaning Nuil lifted herself up, blinking at him as she spoke;

"How long have you been here?"

"Not long," he replied.

"Hm."

She stretched, feeling more awake by the moment.

"My father will be moving our people soon," Thorin said. "He wants to give Frerin a proper burial."

Nuil frowned. "But they burn others, surely their sacrifice is no more than Frerin's."

"My brother is of the line of Durin," Thorin replied, a hard edge entering his voice. Nuil flinched slightly, hoping that he didn't see. He didn't. Frerin's death didn't mean any less to her, but it just felt so inexplicably _wrong_ to give those who had died a funeral not to the standards of the culture. _Aule_, she had been nearly raised as a dwarfling. She knew the customs like the back of her hand.

"I know this. Surely the dead cannot be given proper burials?"

"There are too few to dig graves, and too many dead," Thorin said heavily. Of course. Nuil knew he was right. "We will return to where our people have begun anew, and give Frerin a resting place in the Blue Mountains."

"This is where Dis is?"

"Aye. We have settled ourselves there, but it is a hard life," Thorin said. He looked to her, blue eyes searching her face. "Perhaps you will visit?"

"That is agreeable," Nuil told him. "I should like to be among those that I spent much time with. I fear my Khuzdul is rusty."

Thorin smiled slightly. "I doubt that."

They stared at each other for a moment until Nuil sighed and looked away. "I miss speaking with Dis and your family."

"We have missed you as well, Nuilweyil," Thorin said. _I have missed you_, he wanted to say. "It was glad news to us that you were alive." _I am glad you are alive._ Nuil understood what he meant. It seemed that she always understood what Thorin really meant, despite the lack of friendship when she was younger. Part of her could decipher the true meanings of his words and actions. But there would always be a part that utterly was baffled by him. She smiled slightly to him, reaching out to grab his hand and squeeze it.

She understood.

* * *

Nuil opened her eyes at the sound of soft laughter, closing them at the sight she saw. Rana was leaning on Dain, a contented smile upon her face as he ran his fingers through her hair. She was glad Rana was facing Dain and not her. _What was she doing?_ That was Thorin's cousin. Nuil felt confused and hoped that it was only a lingering dream from the sleep she had been roused from.

She peeked again and repeated the same action. Nope. Not a dream. Only this time they were pressing their lips passionately together. Nuil knew Thorin wouldn't approve of Rana's actions, and despite losing his brother, he would need to know about this. She thought that Rana cared for Thorin, but this was something else. This was a whole new side of Rana that Nuil had never seen coming, it was sickening at the basest level of decency. It was, startling.

Nuil would have to speak with Thorin in the morning. Slowly and uncomfortably Nuil sank back into her dreams.

* * *

It was later that night when Nedoheen shook her awake. She looked tiredly up at him, a frown on her face. He said nothing as he pulled her to her feet and helped her into her boots and jerkin. She spared a glance at Dain's bed to see him sleeping alone. Silently he led her out of the tent and to the two horses tethered outside.

Stiffly Nuil pulled herself into the saddle, gripping the reins tightly. Nedoheen led them from the camp, and as they crested the hill above the camp Nuil stopped. She turned her horse around to gaze down at the tents. Sadness filled her, tugging at her heart.

She didn't get to say goodbye. She didn't tell Thorin what he needed to know. She didn't get to pay her respects to Frerin.

"Come, sister," Nedoheen said quietly from behind her. "You knew we cannot linger."

He was right, she knew. But why did her heart feel so heavy? Turning away the two siblings rode off into the night.

* * *

Thorin walked quickly to the healing tents, eager to speak with Nuil. He was slowly letting himself get close to her, allowing himself to be more open with her. Part of him felt that this was foolish, yet it did not stop him. Even when Rana asked that he leave her be. Hearing her speak . . . felt very satisfying.

He was glad that she had survived the battle. Relieved that they had found her. Her brother, Nedoheen, had told him where they had found her, and he shuddered at the thought. It was clear to him that being buried under dead orcs had shaken her.

But she was getting better.

He entered the tent, fulling intending on seeing her asleep on her cot. Yet- it was empty. Thorin frowned, nearing the cot. The blankets were unmade, and her belongings were gone. Had Nuilweyil decided to get up, stretch her legs? If so, she could not be far. He looked to where Dain sat propped up in his bed, regarding Thorin with careful eyes.

"Do you know where Nuilweyil is, cousin?" he asked. Dain shook his head.

"I've not seen the lass since last ev'," Dain replied, watching Thorin's reaction carefully. He pressed his lips together, sending a nod to his cousin before he went back outside, looking around. Had she gone looking for him? He paused as a sentry approached him.

"My lord," the dwarf said. "I was bidden by Lord Nedoheen to inform you that he and the lady left for their home, early this morning."

"They are gone?"

"Aye, my lord."

"Very well, you may go," he replied. The sentry bowed and hurried away. Thorin let a sigh escape him. So she was gone then. It seemed that Nuil never lingered long. He felt somewhat dispirited, and listless. Like he had lost something important to him, and would never get it back. Then he remembered her words to him nine years previous, like a calming breeze to his suddenly troubled thoughts:

"_Should fate bring us together again, I look forward to our meeting."_

Maybe they would meet again. He hoped. But why did his chest feel so heavy? Shaking his head, Thorin turned and went back to the tent where his father was preparing the long trek home.

* * *

**Wow. A whole week since our last chapter. And I'm really sorry that Frerin died, believe me, I HATED that chapter. It gave me nightmares. So here is this one. There's a lot that is going on, and a lot of skipping around. :| Aaaanyyyways . . . if something doesn't make sense just let me know and I'll try to explain it better, and is it me or does Thorin seem a little OOC? I can't really make him seem any different, but I guess that's okay.**

**Camp was great! Other than the mosquito bites and rain, it was fabulous. I wrote chapter thirty there and got some good stuff. Came home and watched Lost in Austen, which means there might be a wet shirt scene in this story(because I couldn't help myself ;P )**

**Thank you to my reviewers! You are all amazing and I really am sorry that I killed off Frerin. HUGE hugs and cookies to: _Sam0728, The Penned Tekrid, IceheartsChill, and Comics4theFeels_. Thank you to all those who have followed or favorited!**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, save for the characters and plot goodies not in his works. ;)**

* * *

_**Just give me a reason  
Just a little bit's enough  
Just a second we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
It's in the stars  
It's been written in the scars on our hearts  
We're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again**_

_**~Just Give Me A Reason, Pink**_

* * *

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

**T.A. 2858**

**59 years later . . .**

Nuil held the letter in her hands tightly as she reread it for what felt to be the thousandth time. The edges were well worn from constant folding and refolding. The ink was slightly faded from the many times it was exposed to the bright sun. She sighed, a smile lighting her face as her gaze slid over the words with familiar ease.

It was in Khuzdul, which was no problem for her to read. But it was from a childhood friend that she had been wanting to see for many years now.

It was from Dis.

She had married, and was with child. _What marvelous news!_ Dis had specifically asked her to be there for the birth. Well, more demanded than asked. And who was she to deny an invitation when presented? It was the reason she was on the western border of the Shire, reading the letter yet again beside the crackling fire. Nuil had meant to journey to the Blue Mountains sooner, but her duty to the Shire had kept her away.

Then there were her brothers.

They still worried about her. Worried about her restless, nightmare filled dreams. They were terrible enough to wake them from their sleep and come crashing to her room. Nuil had taken to sleeping outdoors, to help ease them. It seemed that sleeping outdoors, with the threat of being found by something, that her dreams were more bearable, and less noisy.

Hopefully she could keep her sleepless nights a secret from Dis and Thorin. She had been getting better at not screaming out . . . Nuil placed a hand over her heart, frowning at how her heart pounded when she even thought of Thorin. Such behavior was . . . odd to her. Shaking her head, Nuil folded the letter back and placed it in the collar of her jerkin. Besides, if things had sorted themselves out, he would be wed to Rana by now. Nuil wondered if he ever found out about her late night tryst with Dain. She sighed through her nose, still upset that she never had the chance to tell him . . . or say goodbye.

Laying down, she shut her eyes, waiting for the restless sleep she knew she would have.

* * *

It was terribly bright as she came to the Blue Mountains. The great rising rock, lived up to its name, hinted with blue until it disappeared above the clouds. The crevices were filled with dark green mosses, and small bushes dotted the mountainside. Nuil adjusted her pack and trudged up the road. She was slightly wary of how she would be received. Dwarves were not known to be welcoming to strangers.

She knew this from her dealings with them after Erebor. Many were horrified that she even knew Khuzdul, a language only taught to dwarves.

Before her lay the fortress, nestled into the mountain. Its walls rose into the air surrounding the stone houses inside and protecting the inner keep that lay within the mountain. It was within that mountain where Dis lived. She was passed by dwarrow moving about their business, coming or leaving the market within the keeps wall. They gave her subtle stares as she passed them. Nuil knew she looked filthy, but that was traveling and she couldn't help how she looked. Belatedly she also realized that they were staring because she didn't have a beard.

The gates were open, guarded by two dwarves. They raised their axes menacingly as she approached, and she slowed her pace, coming to a stop before them. Nuil rested her hand on the pommel of her sword beneath her cloak.

"Halt! What is your business here stranger!"

Nuil pulled a sealed letter from her pocket, holding it out to the guard who had spoken.

"I am friend to Lady Dis, daughter of Thrain. This is a letter from her advocating my stay here," she said in a firm voice that left no room for argument. The dwarves glanced at each other, and then one reached for the letter. He broke the seal slowly reading the contents of the letter. Nuil did not know what Dis had written in the letter, it had arrived along with Dis's letter. She watched as the dwarf lowered the letter and looked at her with awe.

"My apologies, Lady Nuil. I knew not that you were our Lady's companion," he said almost reverently.

" . . . speak nothing of it," she replied, playing along with whatever Dis had written. She hoped it was nothing too flamboyant. Both bowed to her, allowing her into the keep. She made her way down the one lone street that was packed to the brim with vendors and the hustle and bustle of trade. She received more stares, but also calls from the merchants wanting her to buy something. Nuil nodded politely to them but continued on towards the gates leading into the mountain. She was met with another set of dwarf guards, they read the letter, and she passed unhindered into the mountain.

Nuil relaxed the moment she entered the cool darkness, surrounded by the old familiar torchlight, and rare beams of light falling from windows carved into the stone from high above her.

The lone tunnel soon opened into a large hall, brightly lit and filled with vendors stalls, much like the market outside. They was no stalls filled with gold nor jewels like in Erebor. But there were dwarrow doing their business, some dressed finely, but most dressed in plain cloth. There were only dwarrow here, unlike outside where she had seen a few men, hunters and rangers. Nuil smiled slightly at the familiar sight and glanced down to Dis's letter.

Dis had given instructions on where she lived. It was the royal mansion within Ered Luin. Placed at the height of the dwarven city, deepest in the mountain. Nuil wound her way through the stalls and deeper into the city. Nuil marveled at the stone work, solid, and carved with the careful craftsmanship of a stone master. There was no gold inlaid into the stone, but it was beautiful nonetheless. There were scenes of dwarven history also, chiseled carefully alongside the elaborate lines and runes. She wanted to reach out and touch them, in reverent awe, but kept her hands firmly at her sides. There was just something about dwarven stonework that demanded reverence. Not something to be touched, but admired. Sacred.

The mansion was easy enough to find. The front door was carved with painstaking detail, mountains and symbols of wealth, covering its face. The runes along the thick wood were dwarven; reading the members of the house. The windows were lit, shrouded in red curtains and high above the floor she stood on. Ascending the stone steps, Nuil raised her hand and knocked.

The pounding of her hand on the fine wood door echoed from within. Nuil stood patiently. If she had to wait she could. After traveling six months, she could wait, all day if needed. But she didn't have to. A latch on the other side clicked and the door swung open to reveal a golden haired dwarf.

He looked her up and down, a frown alighting his agreeable features.

"What is your business here?" his tone was obviously wary. His brown eyes watched her warily.

"I am a friend of Lady Dis."

He stared expectantly at her.

"I am called Nuil, daughter of Nolen, at your service," she added quickly with a bow.

Instantly the dwarf smiled at her, a bright and wide smile that almost made her take a step back. He was suddenly very warm and kind looking. His brown eyes lit up with happiness and, dare she say, relief?

"I have heard much of you, Lady Nuil. I am Eurig, son of Euril. I am husband to Dis," said the dwarf, Eurig. Nuil felt the corners of her mouth curve upwards. So this was the dwarf who had stolen Dis's heart.

"I have also heard of you from her letter," she replied, warming up to the dwarf. Eurig laughed, embracing her, much to her surprise. Eurig pulled her in and shut the door behind them. There were stairs that they climbed just inside the door leading up to a main living area.

"I am glad you have come, Lady Nuil,"Eurig told her as they went up. "My wife has all but given up that you would come."

"I apologize for my lateness, I traveled by foot," she told him. Nuil had indeed had a mount to ride, but the stupid animal had bolted one night. Luckily her pack was not tied to the saddle.

"Nuil!" cried the familiar voice of Dis, once they had reached the top of the stairs. Dis lay on a sofa, her legs draped with a blanket. She looked lovely, her dark hair curled and braided, wearing a fine blue gown. But also heavily pregnant. So very much older than the girl she had remembered.

"Dis!" Nuil exclaimed rushing forward. She bent down and embraced her friend, laughing. She felt so light, and happy now! It was only suddenly that Nuil realized she had missed Dis more than she could even fathom. At the same time one of her greatest wishes had also been done, she was finally _with_ Dis. When she pulled away she said, "you look well!"

Dis scoffed and rolled her eyes, "You are worse than Eurig."

Nuil sat on the edge of the sofa, gazing at Dis and her swollen belly. "How far along?"

"Many months," Dis huffed, "I am sure he will come shortly after Durin's Day."

Nuil raised a brow. "He?"

"What else?" Dis asked, almost seeming shocked that it would be anything other than a son. "There must be an heir to the line of Durin, especially now that Thorin is King."

Nuil had forgotten about that. Thorin was king now. There went her heart again, fluttering like a startled bird. She frowned, hand moving to her heart. It was beginning to be tiresome. She was still- well she didn't know how to describe it. Her thoughts often turned to Thorin and Frerin. This stuttering of her heart hurt. She wanted it to stop, but it wouldn't. Dis watched her, a smile slowly forming on her lips.

"How are you?" she asked. "Your brothers? I know you have been getting around, there are rumors of a wandering woman guarding the borders of the Shire . . ."

"Those are only rumors," Nuil told her.

"Yes, but with a dwarven blade?" Eurig added, beaming as he sat in a chair opposite the two females. Nuil sighed, looking at Dis.

"Many years of watchfulness, nothing more," she said. In truth, nothing had happened to her since Azanulbizar . . . She mostly wandered the borders of the Shire, cutting down the few orcs she found and bandits preying on the Shire-folk. Nuil had even regained most of the use of her injured arm.

Dis hummed, eying her carefully. Then she sighed, smiling once more. "I had despaired of you reaching Ered Luin in time for the birth, but now that you are here," she grinned coyly, "I would like you to be my sons godmother."

"Dis-"

"It's settled then!" Dis cut in beaming. Nuil rolled her eyes. "Aunt Nuil, you shall be."

"I was not going to say 'no'."

Dis just smiled demurely, before looking to her husband. "I think we should show Nuil to her room." With that Dis began to rise to her feet, accepting the arm that Eurig offered her when he rose to help her. Nuil gaped at them as they began down the hall.

"_My room?_" she echoed.

"Why, of course," Eurig said over his shoulder as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "We have had it ready the day Dis sent your summons."

Nuil could only numbly follow the pair, admiring the stone murals along the hallway, and frown at the two as they bent their heads together in hushed whispers. She could only wonder what the two were saying, no doubt conspiring together. When they stopped it was at a door at the end of the hall. Eurig opened the wood door and gestured for her to enter. Casting the two suspicious looks she entered the room.

It was sparsely furnished, with a simple bed and night table. Along one wall was a simple wardrobe and chest. At the small hearth was a rocking chair. But the bed had thick inviting looking blankets, carefully embroidered. The floor was covered in a thick looking fur pelt.

"It isn't much," Dis said somewhat uncomfortably after a long silence, "but it is plenty."

Nuil understood that Dis was embarrassed. She was a Princess, and was used to having much more finery. But it was what Nuil liked about it. She enjoyed the simple things. "It is wonderful," she smiled. "More than enough."

Dis smiled appreciatively to her. Then she sighed. "Well. We better let you get ready for supper, everyone will be home tonight."

Before Nuil had a chance to question as to who was being home, the pair were gone. Nuil tilted her head to the side and shut the door. They were an odd couple, but they suited each other just fine. She was happy for Dis. Yet why did she feel like she was missing something? Why did her chest twinge painfully when she thought of how happy Dis and Eurig looked together?

Nuil sighed, moving to the wardrobe, finding a simple green dress hanging within. It was fine, just like the ones she had worn in Erebor as a young girl. Turning away she went to the basin on the night table.

Nuil knew that she wasn't like Dis. She couldn't be like Dis. Her life had been too hard and painful at a young age. Nor was she royalty, her life was one of roaming. But it would be a lie if she did not admit that she longed for the comforts of a home, a family of her own. Only now at one-hundred and two winters did she understand what her mother had tried to teach her.

She could always stay home in Arnor, while her brothers did their duties. But her pride wouldn't allow that. She was a daughter of Nolen. There was no exemption for her.

After Nuil had washed the grit of the road off her skin, she pulled on the green dress. With a frown she pulled the laces tighter. She was much too thin for her own liking. Leaving her hair down, which was a rarity for her, Nuil went to the door. However she paused upon seeing her reflexion in the small mirror on the wall. A hand rose to touch the scar running along the side of her face, faded and pale. Unnoticeable almost.

She looked pretty, she deemed. Nuil scowled at herself at such a vain thought.

Nuil turned entering the hallway and shutting the door. It took little time to find the dining hall. The room was at the end of the hall, just of the main living area. It was much smaller than the one in Erebor. She gazed around at the walls, carved also with intricate designs and hung with a few tapestries. A long table filled the space, empty of any occupants. She was quite alone.

Unsure of where to sit, Nuil opted to look around the room. The walls depicted scenes from battles and feasts, each character carved carefully with the uttermost detail. The weaving on the tapestries was slightly faded, and if she peered close enough she could see a glimmer of gold woven in with the strands. Her heart leaped at the sight, and the urge to reach out and touch it was near overwhelming. Just as her fingers ghosted over the tapestry she pulled back as if stung.

The sound of heavy footsteps hitting the floor drew her attention away from the walls and tapestry. She stood carefully still, waiting as a dwarf entered the room. She expected this to be a guest she did not know, but she was happily proved wrong when she lifted her gaze.

"Balin!" she cried, a smile easily spreading on her face. The dwarf paused and gazed at her a moment before realization dawned on his features. He was no longer gray haired, white now speckled his loose mane.

"Nuil, lass! What a pleasure to see you again! Left without so much as a goodbye or well wish. You had many of us worried," his tone was full of reprimanding. She assumed he meant their last encounter with one another. Nuil smiled sheepishly.

"I apologize, but Nedoheen wished us away."

"That is fine, lassie," Balin replied, he stepped forward and embraced her. "We're glad to have you back."

Nuil grinned. Balin gestured toward the table. "Seeing as we are both early, we get first pick of seating. I assume you will be sitting near Lady Dis." He pulled the second chair down from the head of the table out. "I will be sitting next to Thorin, should he ever show." His gaze turned to the chair with amusement and exasperation.

There it went again, her fluttering heart.

Was he wed by now? Did he have his own little dwarflings running about? Would she have to see Rana? Nuil shuddered at the thought.

"Is he busy much, of late?" she asked curiously.

Balin nodded, going to take his seat. "Aye. Kingly duties take up much of his time. Though, since we have finished much of the main building of Ered Luin, he has more time for himself. There are still duties with land and work that must be tended to, but less so nowadays."

"I see."

"And what about you lassie? What has been keeping you these many years?"

"Duties mostly," Nuil said, folding her hands neatly in her lap. "I protect the border of the Shire with my brothers."

"Why is that?" Balin asked. "What makes the Shire so important that you must protect it?"

Nuil paused, tilting her head to the side in thought. She had never asked the question herself, nor really wondered why. It was just done. It was her duty and she didn't question it. She stared at Balin for a moment before coming up with an answer.

"I suppose, because it is so peaceful," she said quietly. "There is a peace there that I have not found anywhere else."

Balin sat back in his chair, kindness in his eyes. Then they moved to something past her shoulders. Nuil wondered if she had not given him the answer he wanted, but pushed the thought away. It was what she believed. Nothing he thought would ever make her change it. She was her own person, and her life was hers to live.

"That is noble of you, lassie," Balin said, eyes still fixed beyond her. Then he nodded, a dip of the head meant for greeting someone with respect. Brow furrowing, Nuil turned in her seat, feeling her spine straighten as her hazel eyes landed on the dwarf in the doorway.

She sucked in a sharp breath through her nose.

Thorin stood in the doorway, hands clasped behind his back as he looked at her, his blue eyes meeting her hazel ones. Nuil felt her heart begin to pound. He wore thick robes of deep blue, finely embroidered with silver. His hair was well groomed, two long braids framing his face. She could see a hint of gray in his hair, near his temples, but not much.

Slowly she rose to her feet, picking up her skirts and dropping into a low curtsy.

"Lord Thorin Oakenshield," she murmured, before rising.

* * *

**Whew! Sorry for the wait, I've had this chapter ready since Monday but I've spent the last three days at band camp all day. That and I've been reading all the other fanfictions out there for the Hobbit . . . there are some _really_ good ones, it's hard to not be a little intimidated! So yeah, but I leave ya'll with a cliffhanger of sorts. HAHA!**

**Don't worry, I'll get to what happened to Thorin and Rana. :) Besides, major fluff coming up with baby Fili and Kili, I'm sooo excited! And a sort of Thorin POV next chapter.**

**HOLY COW! So many reviews! I love you guys! Thank you!: _MoonCrown, Comics4theFeels, ZabuzasGirl, Chilled Souls of the Forgotten_ (lol, I didn't see it at first! Sorry about that!), _The Penned Tekrid, KingofTruands_, and the two_ Guest_ reviews!**

**I've been thinking I might to a little oneshot with Frerin in another story (I think I'm in love with him) because I can't get him out of my head, and you all loved him so much. I'll see what spews out of my fingertips. **

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, save for the characters not in his works.**

* * *

**"Yet nothing can to nothing fall,  
Nor any place be empty quite;  
Therefore I think my breast hath all  
Those pieces still, though they be not unite;  
And now, as broken glasses show  
A hundred lesser faces, so  
My rags of heart can like, wish, and adore,  
But after one such love, can love no more." **

**~John Donne,**

**The Complete Poetry and Selected Prose**

* * *

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

**T.A. 2858**

**Ered Luin- Blue Mountains**

Thorin sighed, dragging his hand across his face as he finished with a large stack of papers sitting on the surface of his desk. Trade agreements with human villages, routes for caravans, judicial matters of Ered Luin itself. There was so much work to be done, and even after years of labor, it never seemed to let up. He heaved a tired sigh and rose to his feet.

He was finished for the night. But he needed a drink.

The liquor waited for him on the shelf by the fireplace, in a clear bottle that showed it was half empty of its amber contents. Thorin reached for the bottle and unstoppered the top. Instead of filling a glass he lifted it to his lips and let the cool, burning liquid slide down his throat. He set it down, wanting nothing more than to finish the whole bottle.

But he had to still eat dinner with Dis.

It was odd, really, when Eurig had come earlier in the afternoon, requesting his presence at dinner. But he was not one to cross his _very_ pregnant sister, who by all accounts punched harder than any dwarrow he had ever met. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone. Still, it wouldn't do to show up after downing half a bottle of strong ale. Dis certainly wouldn't be happy. He would just have to content himself with the beer offered at supper.

He was happy for her, his sister. She was happy, married to the dwarf she loved and about to begin a whole new family. Mahal, he was going to be an Uncle. _An Uncle!_ He had always thought that he would be the one to be married first, have an heir first. He was eldest after all. He would have too, had Rana-

Thorin clenched his jaw, balling his fists in anger.

She could burn in the fiery pits of Mordor for all he cared.

The dwarrowdam didn't even have the integrity to come to him and tell him of her actions until after it was too late. Humiliating him. He should have seen it, really. But Rana had played him for a fool. And he had cut ties with her, long ago. But his anger towards her and his cousin would never leave him. Because he never forgave, and he never forgot.

* * *

_She sat before him, with her long curling golden hair that reminded him of gold. A river of gold. A smile played on his lips as they stared at each other. He was intrigued that she had wanted to speak with him. Curious as to why she turned her head when he had tried to kiss her, when she had come to him. Her eyes sparkled with a sort of happiness that he was drawn to. _

_Had something happened? Why was she so happy?_

_Thorin reached out, holding one of her hands within his own. His thumb rubbed the soft skin, while his fingers felt the callouses of her fingers. Rana gave him a tight lipped smile._

"_What is it that you wanted to speak of?" he asked softly, resting his other hand on the column of her throat. Rana breathed in deeply, her smile deepening at his soft touches._

"_It's been some time since the battle," she began, nervousness coloring her voice. _

_Thorin nodded, knowing that she was speaking of Azanulbizar. "Aye, ten years." He said this but still felt a pang of grief grip him. He had lost his little brother, Frerin. His father had been near inconsolable, and Dis . . . there were no words to describe the heart wrenching cries that had left her. His steadfast sister, strong and unmovable, had been reduced to a sobbing mess. there had been a time where he had worried over her welfare, until she met Eurig. _

"_Aye," Rana sighed. "Thorin, I have cherished all the moments we have shared." _

"_They have been dear to me, I will be glad when we are wed," he murmured. Rana drew away and out of his touch, causing him to frown. She lowered her gaze._

"_I am wed."_

_He felt his chest, his heart, clench painfully and he jerked to his feet. What? Was she lying to him? Was she serious? For how long had she been married? More importantly-_

"_To whom?" he growled, rage filing him. How-how could she?! Had he not been faithful, doting, loving? Durin's beard, he wanted to marry her. Wanted a family with her, but this- this- betrayal. What had gone wrong? _

_She finally raised her eyes to meet his, and he finally understood her happiness from before. Of course, why had he missed it?_

"_Three days ago, he came and we finally were wed."_

"_To whom!"_

"_Dain!"_

_What?!_

_His cousin?_

"_For how long?" his almost dazed voice seemed to give her a little courage to finish._

"_Since the battle."_

* * *

Thorin could hear voices from the dining hall. Home early, a rare thing, but hopefully a little time with family would ease the stress that was threatening to overwhelm him. As he neared he thought it was Dis and Eurig speaking, but as he stepped into the doorway he knew he was wrong. Balin sat facing him, speaking with a woman.

"Why is that?" Balin asked. "What makes the Shire so important that you must protect it?"

The woman paused, considering his question. Thorin felt as if something about her was familiar. Something strong yet uniquely feminine. It was altogether attractive to him. It reminded him of . . .

"I suppose, because it is so peaceful," the woman said. Thorin felt his breath leave him. It sounded just like her. "There is a peace there that I have not found anywhere else."

Balin sat back in his seat, looking at her kindly, before looking at him. Thorin felt himself straighten under Balin's knowing gaze.

"That is very noble of you, lassie," he said to her. Balin then nodded to him with respect. This action caused the woman to turn, and answer Thorin's suspicion.

It was her.

_Nuilweyil._

She looked at him, with wide hazel eyes. Her hair was let down, past her shoulders, something he had not seen since she was younger. In truth, it was very beautiful. The smooth skin on her cheeks colored slightly, and Thorin felt his chest tighten.

Slowly she rose to her feet and gathered her skirts and dropped into a low curtsy. She bowed her head as she spoke: "Lord Thorin Oakenshield." Nuil rose and met his gaze, her hazel eyes traveling over his figure in an assessing motion. He watched her do this, while replaying her greeting to himself and felt that it was wrong. She should not bow. It didn't seem right coming from her.

"Lady Nuilweyil," he murmured just as calmly. He schooled his face, lest he let on to the torrent of emotions rushing through him show. Most of it surprise. He had learned, the hard way, that to let others know what he was thinking was foolish.

She was unchanged, physically, from when he had last seen her. A little under his own height, standing tall and straight. She seemed happier. Though her eyes still held a deep shadow of darkness and knowledge. Something gained only by hardships and living a long life.

There was a long silence after he spoke, where they both stared at each other. He couldn't look away from Nuil, the irrational fear filling him that if he looked away she would be gone. A figment of his tired mind. Balin saved him, a knowing look in his eyes.

"My lord, Lady Nuil has finally come," he said. Nuil offered Thorin a smile. It warmed him that it was directed at him, yet it really wasn't for him. Nuil took a deep breath, trying to ignore her pounding heart.

"Dis has asked me to be the godmother," she said, as Thorin entered the room and went to the head of the table. Hands folded together behind his back.

"Indeed?" he asked, a small smile tugging the corners of his lips. It seemed like a thing Dis would do. She was a little . . . unorthodox sometimes, not that he minded.

"Yes!" Dis said, entering the room on the arm of her husband. "Aunt Nuil, has a ring to it, does it not?" Dis winked at Nuil as Eurig offered her a warm smile. There was a light of mischief in his eyes. Nuil frowned at Dis, sitting when she did. Eurig offered Thorin a wide grin as he sat on the other side of Balin.

A troubled look crossed Thorin's face at Dis's words. He sat down, and cleared his throat.

"Is your family well?"

"Aye," Nuil replied.

"Surely you must be wed by now," Dis said grinning at her. Nuil cast her friend a sharp look, wondering what she was playing at. Thorin watched them closely, frowning. His brows drew together. His sister could be coy when she wanted to be, but her comment was outrightly blunt. But he found her words to be true, knowing that by now Nuil should have a husband. It was not uncommon for beautiful women to wed at young ages.

"No," Nuil replied slowly, gazing at Dis. "There has been no one."

"No _offers_?" Dis continued slyly. Nuil grimaced.

"A smith, Ruven he was called," she said. Thorin's brows rose.

"The mortal man?" he asked, remembering the smith well. Ruven had been a fair employer, paying him what he could. He had been one of the more tolerant men he had worked for. He had seen Ruven's liking for Nuil, but never thought . . . well, it explained the fondness that the smith had shown towards her.

"Yes," Nuil nodded. "He asked for my hand when we came for our blades. Noledhe denied him. I heard that he married and died not many years ago."

While she spoke the food was brought in and set on the table. Thorin nodded, his eyes drifting to the food for a moment, before returning to her. Nuil felt her stomach begin to rumble, as the smell filled her nose. It had been so long since she had eaten a good meal. Eaten roast, and cooked potatoes, rather than rabbit cooked over the fire.

"And you, Thorin?" she asked as dinner began. Platters passed around and mugs filled with beer, the chatter raising slightly. Nuil had hoped that whatever had happened between Rana and Dain had been sorted out. "Are you and Rana married?"

Silence.

Thorin had dropped his silverware so suddenly and looked up sharply at her that Nuil had the feeling she had said something wrong. Dis had gone silent and even Balin looked uncomfortable. Nuil shifted in her seat, clenching her jaw and looking down at her plate. _Wonderful._ Not even a day here and she was already doing something wrong. And their silence spoke volumes.

Something had happened between Thorin and Rana.

Nothing good, by the looks of it.

Nuil dreaded what had happened. Regret began to bubble up from within her, she should have stayed. Should have told Thorin. A chair scraped across the stone floor, and Nuil looked up to see Thorin rise to his feet. He kept his eyes down as he bid them goodnight and left the room.

Oh, Mahal, what had she done?

A warm and gentle hand rested on her arm, and she turned to find Dis giving her a grim but warm look. Sympathy simmering in her blue eyes. "Rana and Thorin parted ways many years ago," she said.

"All for the better," Balin added from across the table. Eurig nodded emphatically.

"What- what happened?"

Dis pressed her lips together, resting her other free hand on her stomach. "Rana fooled us all. The rest is Thorin's story to tell."

* * *

Nuil lay in her bed, wide awake, thinking over the past events of the day. She really should have seen it. She really should have. How could she be so blind? Anyone who had ears would have realized what she only then realized. What a _fool _she was.

Dis had even hinted at it.

"_There must be an heir to the line of Durin, especially now that Thorin is King."_

A slap in the face. An heir to the line of Durin. Dis was referring to herself, not her brother. Why hadn't she seen it? Heard it? And now she had upset Thorin, who after all these years, left dinner without so much as even glancing at her.

She never got to apologize. Nuil didn't see Thorin again for some time after that, and it left her feeling slightly hurt and empty.

* * *

**T.A. 2859**

Nuil let Dis squeeze her hand till she thought it would break. The labor was taking longer than she had expected, but it was fine. Really, it was _fine_. Until Dis squeezed her hand again, crying out. No. No, it was not fine. Her hand hurt, and this was going far too slow.

Surely the babe should be born by now?

"A little more, my lady," said the aged dwarven midwife. The dwarrowdam had seen many births, and was the most respected in her knowledge.

Nuil bit her tongue as her hand was crushed again, tasting iron. Dwarves really were unparalleled in strength. Dis heaved out a breath, sweat dripping from her brow. Nuil used her free hand to reapply a cool cloth to Dis's head.

"Almost there," she encouraged, trying to help. Dis threw her a glare that had she not known her so well, would have made her think that the dwarrowdam was going to kill her. It was short lived when another choked yell passed Dis's lips and she gave a tired gasp.

Then silence.

Nuil held her breath, looking to the midwife, as she lifted something small and wet looking. A small cry filled the air, and a collective sigh of relief filled the room. The old midwife smiled at Dis.

"A son," she breathed reverently. "My lady, you have a son."

Dis raised her head, gazing at the small babe, as the midwife swaddled her babe in a white blanket. She smiled tiredly and held out her hands. The midwife slowly handed the babe to Dis. Almost instantly he stopped crying, gazing up at his mother with wide blue eyes. Lovingly Dis stroked his face, smiling at him.

"Fili," she breathed. "My little Fili."

Then Dis looked up at her, beaming. "Would you like to hold him?"

Nuil hesitantly held out her arms. She had never held a newborn before. She vaguely wondered what it was like before Dis set Fili in her arms, smiling as Nuil gazed at the babe with a look of awe. _He was so small! And plump and rosy! _Being the youngest in her family had never offered her the chance to be around smaller children. Fili stared up at her, a small hand reaching out to grasp the finger she had extended out in front of him. His tiny and pudgy fingers curled around the phalange. _He was strong as well!_

"He's beautiful," she breathed reverently. Nuil had never seen anything quite like it. Yes, she had seen children before, but never so close. Something in her heart tugged, almost painfully. Nuil didn't want to take her eyes off him.

"Take him to Eurig," Dis said, her eyes fluttering, as exhaustion began to take hold on her. Nuil nodded, slowly going to the door.

"Fili,' she said to the baby as she entered the hall, "I'm Nuil. Aunt Nuil."

"My son?" Eurig said coming to stand before her. Nuil gave Fili to Eurig's waiting arms, almost reluctantly. She watched as Eurig wrapped his arms around the tiny bundle carefully.

"Dis named him Fili," she said, her eyes on the babe.

"Fili," Eurig murmured proudly. "My son. Fili. My. Son." Then he turned to Thorin. "Your nephew."

Thorin looked down at the small bundle in Eurig's arms, a look of pride on his face as the little Fili gazed up at his uncle. Nuil smiled at the pair. Despite Thorin's seemingly hard exterior, there was something warm underneath. The dwarf king had simply had so much taken from him, that he mirrored that loss. Seeing him with the newest member of his family, warmed her heart.

Thorin felt so elated to see this small babe. His nephew. Fili. So tiny, yet he knew that he would grow to become a strong dwarf. At the moment he was his heir. Heir to the line of Durin. He was so proud of Dis. She would be a fine mother.

Thorin looked at Eurig. "May I?"

Eurig gave Fili to Thorin's open arms, beaming at his son. It seemed nothing would dim the warm hearted dwarf's smile today. Thorin was almost afraid he would crush the small thing as he held it. Slowly Fili's eyes drifted shut, fluttering stubbornly open one last time before falling asleep. Thorin gazed at him a moment longer before giving him back to Eurig.

"Go to Dis," he said, eyes on Fili. Eurig nodded and entered the room. Nuil looked at Thorin meeting his gaze as he looked to her.

"He is beautiful," she said having nothing else to say. That was all there was to it. Her words summed up what she was feeling. Nuil sighed, taking in the dwarf king before her. She had not had the chance to be in his presence in many long weeks.

Thorin's lips lifted slightly. "When he is grown, he will not wish to be called that."

"Beautiful?" she smiled. "Dwarves do not like being called beautiful?"

"I do believe we prefer the terms of warrior, or brave, even fierce," he replied slowly smiling.

"Ah." She said, drawing out the lone word. "I will keep that in mind when I decide to compliment a dwarf."

"I assume that women prefer that term," he went on. His gazed at her, almost warmly. Nuil felt her smile widen, if it was possible. A part of her almost felt elated at the look he gave her. The fluttering in her chest certainly didn't fade. There was so much that she wanted to say to him, so much that needed to be explained. But now was not the time, she was so tired that she doubted she would be able to sit and listen.

But the warmth she felt when he smiled at her, made that need seem a little less important. They had time. She felt . . . a little more whole.

"I think you're quite right."

* * *

**So this chapter takes place over the end of one year and the beginning of another. I wanted to let you all read about Fili coming into the world! **

**This chapter is also later than I wanted it to be. When I came back to post it, I realized there were some MAJOR flaws to it. I ended up scrapping the whole chapter and starting from scratch. Whew! Yeah. This chapter also took time for me to get it out because I'm also working on the later chapters at the same time. **

**What do you think? The whole backstory with Rana, Thorin and Dain is still mostly untold. You only got to see one of the memories from the event. I hate Rana so bad. Unfortunately, she's still in the story. She's that one character you want to kill off, but can't. Don't worry, Thorin will _eventually_ explain what happened. You know how he is.**

**Hopefully this chapter explained some of what happened in the last one. Nuil has a dense moment, and some fluffy NuilxThorin.**

**Special amazing thanks to my reviewers: _The Penned Tekrid, Fangirlatyourservice, Chilled Souls of the Forgotton, Comics4theFeels, Deceptive D Minor,_ and_ King of Truands_. Also a thank you to my readers and followers and those who favorited! **

**I'm off to watch Batman and mimic all his lines in a deep voice. :)**

**~filimeala**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien save for the characters and events not in his works!**

* * *

**We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.**

**~Plato**

* * *

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

**T.A. 2860**

Nuil bounced Fili on her knee as he gurgled happily. His fist was currently jammed into his mouth, as his tiny feet kicked out every time he bounced. He was by no means light. Dwarven babies were built like their older counterparts, yet younger and a little more beardless.

Fili's head sported a lovely mop of tangled blond hair, just like his father. Dis had braided part of it away from the his face to keep him from sucking on it like he usually did. Fili had a habit of putting things into his mouth. Nuil had learned early on to keep her hands away from Fili's mouth. Though he had no teeth, the boy still had a mean bite.

Dis looked over at her, an amused look in her eyes. She turned her gaze back to her needlework. As Fili gave another squeal she gave an amused snort.

"I think he likes you more than I," she murmured.

"Nonsense," Nuil said peering down at the golden head. "Fili loves his mother."

"He rarely is fussy when with you."

Dis was right. Fili rarely was fussy when in her arms. It was very amusing to see his mother and father struggle with him when he was in a fussy mood. It was almost as if Fili deliberately did this. With Thorin, Fili never made a sound. It was almost as if he knew who he was being held by, what his presence demanded. It was actually really cute. Thorin and Fili would even have little staring contests, and though he adamantly denied it, Thorin was amused by the little lad.

"Aye, but maybe he enjoys rattling your nerves," Nuil told Dis with a grin. Dis pointed her needle threateningly at her.

"You are rattling my nerves, friend," she said with a small smile.

The two fell silent, as Fili continued to gurgle and squeal. Until finally Dis spoke again, her tone carefully guarded. She was slightly worried, and could not help but to express it to the one friend who she could always trust.

"Do you not think that Eurig should have returned by now?"

Nuil frowned, catching Dis's tone immediately. "It is only that he is a day late. There are many things that can set a traveler back. Weather, the terrain, even those on the road."

"Orcs."

"Aye," Nuil nodded knowingly. "He may have taken a route to avoid such creatures. One that requires more time to take. Don't worry, I'm sure Eurig is fine."

"I only worry for my husband," Dis said, sadness lingering in her eyes. "I knew he was a traveler, when I met him. He does it less, but still- I worry."

"I do the same when my brothers travel as well."

Dis gave a laughing snort. "Not I. Thorin can take care of himself. I am sure that if he met an army, he would emerge victorious."

"Fate may have other plans," Nuil hummed negatively. Fili took his fist from his mouth, waving it in the air as small nonsense spluttered from his mouth.

Dis sighed. "That is true. Have you seen him?"

"Thorin? No. Not really since this little one entered our lives," Nuil said tickling Fili's soft pink feet. He screamed with delight, bouncing more energetically on her lap. "I have only seen him in passing, and that is rare."

"They are opening a new mine," Dis explained looking towards the door, with an anticipatory gaze. "It takes much planning, and time. There are dangers that must be addressed."

"I had heard news of that. A mine to search for more gold within the mountain."

"Yet there is little of it," Dis muttered bitterly. "We work tirelessly for little reward."

"You have a home," Nuil reminded her encouragingly. "Your son has a home, where he does not have to worry about where he will sleep at night and when his next meal will be. Where he has a family." Dis gave her a veiled look, not seeming to disagree nor agree with her. Nuil returned her attention to Fili.

* * *

**T.A. 2861**

"Aunnie! Aunnie Nui!" Fili cried banging his hands against her one so little, he was terribly strong already. Eurig was even entertaining the idea of beginning his weapons training. He stood on wobbly feet, raising his hands up to her. "Up!"

"Up?" she asked, setting her book down. "You're too big!"

"Nuh," Fili shook his head firmly before reaching up to her more earnestly. "I is wittle!"

"Dear me," Nuil exclaimed as she lifted Fili into her lap, "you are far too big for this."

"Ook! Ook what Unca made me!" Fili brandished a little wooden sword for her, waving it in the air excitedly. He jabbed it out several times as if warding off invisible foes. So Eurig had spoken to Thorin then?

"Thorin made you this?" she said touching the smoothed wood.

"Yea! I be a swordman when I get big ike 'im," Fili proclaimed.

"Oooh!" she said trying to seem in awe of his words. Fili beamed at her, then bounced off her lap and to the floor, waving his sword through the air.

"Fili!" called Dis from another room, which had the young lads head shooting up.

"Ama'!" he cried running towards the door. He ran into Thorin, however, falling backwards with a cry of alarm. Thorin quickly scooped Fili up in his arms. A flash of alarm crossed the older dwarfs face before it was replaced with his usual stoic look.

"Unca!" Then Fili scowled at him. "You push me."

"I am very sorry," Thorin told him gravely. This did not appease Fili, and the little lad huffed.

"Orc!" Fili stabbed Thorin in the chest with his wooden sword, eliciting a surprised grunt from Thorin. "Aunnie! Make orc put me down!"

Thorin set Fili to his feet without her needing to tell him to, where Fili went running to her. Nuil leaned down and grabbed Fili's hands, shaking them slightly with a smile on her lips. "Did you get the mean, nasty orc?"

" 'es! I's a warrior!"

"Good. Now go to your amad," Nuil smiled. She swatted his bottom as he went tottling from the room, still waving his sword. He managed to swipe Thorin's legs before he disappeared out the door. Nuil smirked up at Thorin. "Apparently you are an orc."

Thorin frowned. "So it seems. A 'mean, nasty orc'."

"It's good to see you," Nuil murmured, rising to her feet. It brought her great happiness to see the small upturn of his lips. He entered her room, gazing at the furnishings, his eyes settled on the pack at the foot of the wardrobe. Then he frowned.

"You are leaving?"

Nuil gave a slight smile. "No. I'm very poor at putting things away, especially since I spend so little time in my room as it is. I put it there, and there it has stayed."

"Dis enjoys your company," Thorin said turning to her, no longer frowning.

"It is your nephew who takes up most of my time," Nuil chuckled. "He loves me so."

"Really?" His brows raised, a small smile growing on his face. Thorin clasped his hands behind his back, looking to the mantle and picking up a small frame. "You drew this?"

Nuil approached him, taking the picture from his hands and smiling at it. It was of a mountain, the only one in the picture, surrounded by rolling hills and a city sitting at its base. "Nay. My brother, Nogoth, drew this. He is the only one who I have shared with." Her gaze darkened, and with a sigh she set it back in its place. "He thought to keep the memory whole, as it was so that I would remember the good."

"Did it?"

"I should like to think so," Nuil replied looking to him. He was glaring at the wall. She hated to see such an expression on his face. "I remember good and bad, such is life. But nothing could mar such wonderful memories of the time I dwelt in Erebor."

"Oh?"

"Is it so difficult to believe?" she asked with a raised brow. Thorin merely grunted, giving her a side glance. Nuil knew there was more he wanted to say, but didn't push him. The dark circles under his eyes were testament to how trying his role of king was. She wouldn't push him, though she wanted to. This was the first time in a long while that they had the chance to speak to one another so freely. There were so many questions she had.

Thorin cleared his throat, turning to her as he clasped his hands behind his back. "I must go. There is a friend that I must meet with."

Nuil felt her shoulders slump before she could stop them. He caught the movement with a narrowing of his eyes. Well, at least they had the chance to speak with one another. "Oh."

"Would you care to join me?" he suddenly asked, looking uncomfortable. He kept his gaze on anything but her. Nuil smiled slightly, feeling a little uplifted.

"That depends on the where," she replied.

"A small tavern."

The corners of her lips lifted. "Well then, I would love to."

Thorin gave her a veiled look, the flicker in his eyes showed that he was surprised she had accepted. Silently he offered her his arm. Nuil took it and he led her from the room, down the hall and to the main living area. Dis was sitting on a sofa, Fili sitting before her as she braided his golden hair. His face was pinched into a childlike look of pain as she tugged on the strands. Dis lifted a brow questioningly.

"Where are you both off to?"

"To show Nuilweyil Ered Luin," Thorin replied, shifting from one foot to the other.

"Unaccompanied?"

Thorin's jaw clenched, and his eyes hardened. Dis smirked at her brother unabashedly. Nuil glanced him, noting the set of his jaw and sighed. Oh, Dis. Sometimes she was too much. But perhaps it was the sibling urge to embarrass and annoy elders siblings. Nuil certainly had moments like that.

"I doubt that is necessary," she murmured. "Your imagination is running away with you my friend."

"Oh?" Dis smiled, "go on then.' She shooed them away and returned to Fili's hair. The little dwarrow bounced, eyes flickering towards the door eagerly.

"Where ya goin'?" he asked curiously.

"To meet friends," Thorin replied. Despite the young dwarf being his nephew, Nuil could see Thorin's patience waning with each passing word.

"We shan't be gone long," she assured them. "Shall we?"

Thorin nodded to his sister and led her to the door. Once outside of the home, she noticed his shoulders relax slightly and couldn't help but smile. He wasn't so used to the domestic life she was beginning to lead. Nuil found herself becoming comfortable and content. She was liking this new part of her life, caring for Fili and living with her childhood friend. A warm bed and meal were becoming more of an expectation with each passing day. Her days of living in the wilds seemed so far away that they felt like a dream.

They walked in silence down the torchlit path until they came to a more frequented area. Nuil couldn't help but feel uncomfortable at the stares they received as they passed more dwarrow. It was a far cry from how she was usually viewed. She preferred to be ignored. Not ogled.

"I hope they're staring at you," Nuil muttered under her breath after passing yet another gaping dwarf.

Thorin took a moment before responding. His eyes slid downwards, watching her eyes scrunch up at the corners and her shoulders rise. It was easy to see her obvious discomfort. Her behavior nearly bordered on skittish. "None have ever seen me in the presence of a female other than my sister, in many long years," he told her quietly. "Especially one not of our own race."

"You never did explain to me what happened after you returned to Ered Luin," Nuil told him, purposefully avoiding mentioning Rana's name. "Besides, shouldn't a king have a wife and heirs?" He didn't even need a wife, Nuil mused, a lover that bore him a son would do. Thorin would have no shortages of unwilling lovers. She briefly wondered if he had ever had any.

"I have an heir," Thorin said bitingly, cutting her inner thoughts short.

Nuil was slightly startled by the sudden anger in his voice. "My apologies. I meant no offense. It only seems odd to me that- well . . ."

"I haven't wed yet?" there was a tone of bitter amusement in his voice. Nuil chose not to say anything more. Thorin chuckled slightly, a sort of patronizing sound, causing Nuil to look at him. "Believe me, it has been brought to my attention and pushed."

"Hm."

They continued in silence down another lit passage, until finally stopping at a door, were merry music and the strong smell of beer was flowing out. Loud laughter and drunken roaring met her ears. It certainly wasn't a place that she would willingly go, under different circumstances, but she had a dwarf king with her. Thorin turned to her, opening his mouth and shutting it, as if he thought better of speaking. With a slight nod to her, he pushed opened the door and was greeted by a round of cheers. Several tankards were raised into the air and the lighthearted atmosphered resumed.

He must come here a lot.

Thorin moved his warm hand to the small of her back guiding her through the crowd, and sending chills up her spine. Nuil glanced at him, encouraged by his warm gaze on her.

"Thorin!"

Nuil turned to meet the gaze of a dwarf she could never forget. His hair was shaved now, leaving only his beard and lower half of his head covered. Tattoos decorated his scalp and arms, making him look as big and imposing as she had remembered.

"Dwalin," Thorin returned. "You remember Nuilweyil?"

Dwalin settled his gaze on her. "Aye, bless me, only you were a tiny wee one then."

"Whatever happened to that hawk?" she asked with a smirk. Dwalin narrowed his eyes at her.

"I see that tongue of yours still works," he growled in a friendly manner.

"Lassie! I never expected you to be here," Balin cried moving to his brothers side. He too, like Thorin, had been a rare sight since Fili's birth. "How is the little lad?"

"The same, if not even more full of energy." Balin beamed at her and turned his gaze to Thorin.

"We expected just you tonight," he said and smiled at Nuil, "but this is a welcome surprise." Thorin gave the pair a thin smile, and the four found a table. After a silent period of drinking Balin turned to Thorin once more.

"How is the mine?"

"So far we have been lucky, some portions are unstable. I plan on getting those portions braced." He took a drink and stared at the tankard in his hands. "More metal has been pulled so far than any other mine, it's a good vein. Yet there is little else."

They weren't getting the precious metals they had hoped for. The last settlement that had resided in Ered Luin must have stripped the rock clean, but that had been many hundreds of years ago, back in the beginnings of the world, and before Melkor had been imprisoned. Surely there had to be something now?

"The jewelers with have to make do with metal then," Dwalin grunted.

"There is a way to get what we need," Thorin ventured, his hands tightening around his tankard. Balin looked warily at him, and Dwalin refused to raise his eyes. "There is always a chance that Erebor can be retaken."

"You forget the dragon," Balin reminded him. Nuil clenched her fists, staring down at her beer and watching her reflection as she stared back up at herself. Balin's gaze flickered to her. Her knew of her hate for the dragon. Yet he knew there would be little to keep his king from such a hoard. "Smaug may still be alive."

"None have seen Smaug for many years," Thorin argued firmly.

"Which may all be a rumor! Your father went, and we haven't heard from him since. Don't think on this Thorin," Balin urged. "You have a nephew that needs you, should you leave and never return, who will teach him? Guide him into the role he must one day fill? It is best not to rush into something like this. I know a few warriors that reside near Erebor, it would be best to make sure-"

"To sit by as our gold is stolen?!" Thorin sneered angrily. "I will not sit and watch my people suffer."

Balin sent Thorin a sympathetic look. "The mine is proving to be fruitful. Think of Fili, Lady Dis. When he has grown more, then . . . such a venture should be enacted."

* * *

They sat and drank for a little while longer, speaking of little nonessential things. Thorin remained mostly silent. When the two brothers left Nuil gazed at Thorin until he finally raised his gaze to meet hers. The blue depths were filled with frustration and upset, though he was hiding it well. Nuil knew better than to bring up the earlier conversation with Balin. At least not until he did.

Thorin sighed. "This is not how I imagined this evening."

"Oh?" She raised her brow. "I think it was fine. I was wondering where Dwalin has been, turns out that he provides protection to caravans. Now I will look for him more when I am on the road."

"Always looking forward," he murmured gazing at her with a bittersweet look. "Always wandering." Nuil pressed her lips together, fighting the urge to remind him that she had been in Ered Luin with his family for near four years now. As if sensing her ire, he lowered his eyes to the table. A small part of her understood his words and why he said them, for they were true. But perhaps she could change . . .

"You must think it foolish to even entertain the notion of reclaiming Erebor," he muttered darkly.

Nuil hummed softly. "That depends. Balin's worries are grounded, Fili needs you. Your people need you here." She noticed the waning anger in his eyes, replaced by unhappy realization. "But not impossible. I do not feel that it is necessary, but I will not stop you if it is what you want."

"I want?" The tone of surprise caught her off guard. He was surprised that she was mentioning his own wants? Was he so selfless now that he didn't even think of his own self? No, that wasn't true. He did, but not in the same manner she was asking. It was her, asking what he wanted, willing to do what he wanted, even though it didn't feel like the best decision.

And it really wasn't. Especially after she had found out that Thrain had gone missing when he had gone back East with the very same idea in mind. The people of Aule couldn't lose another leader. Times were hard, yes, but it was the way things were.

"Yes," she told him, reaching out and grasping his hand tightly. His eyes drifted to their hands, and he moved his other to fully enclose her own, the rough callouses brushing against her smoother skin. Thorin squeezed her hand tightly.

"If it is not?" was his quiet reply.

"Stay."

* * *

**This chapter was just super fluffy. And I ADORE little Fili. I don't really know how to write 'little kid speak' so bear with me. **

**_'Aunnie_' is Nuil's name that Fili calls her, because he could never get 'Aunt' down apparently. Plus coming from him it's so cute it stuck. And I couldn't find the Khuzdul word for Aunt. I did find 'mother-lady'- '_amadinh_' which I suppose is the dwarven equivalent of aunt. Or I could say '_amad-namad_' which is mother-sister. What do you guys think? **

**Next chapter soon! I have another camp this week and then school starts (oh, joy). Kili is coming! :)**

**Thank you to my lovely reviewers: _The Penned Tekrid_ (omg I didn't realize that she's his cousin now . . ._ ew_), _Comics4theFeels_, and _Chilled Souls of the Forgotten_. Also thank you to my followers and favoriters! **

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien save for the characters not in his works!**

* * *

**"For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first."**

**~Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games**

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

**T.A. 2864**

He was so beautiful. Right from his dark head of hair to his curled little toes. Just like his brother. He squirmed in his blankets as he was passed to Eurig, gazing up with his big brown eyes at his father. Eurig seemed enthralled by the newest addition to his family. He looked like his mother, save for his eyes. Fili was pulling at his fathers pants, trying to get a glimpse of his new little brother.

"Kili . . ." Eurig murmured proudly.

"Can I see? Can I see?" Fili asked, urgently. Much to Nuil's surprise Thorin came and scooped up the five year old and held him up. There was a look of pure delight on Fili's face before he laid eyes on his new brother.

"He's so small!"

"So were you, mimel ze," Nuil said smiling. Fili made a face at the term of endearment. Nuil knew he was growing out of that phase. Her brothers had never been called such things when her parents were around, it seemed that for males, such endearments ended when bravery and swords became the main focus.

"Why is he so squishy?" Fili asked after touching Kili's cheeks.

"He's not grown yet," Eurig told him gently. "Kili will grow just like you."

"Oh."

Nuil smiled at the four and decided that she was in need of a long nap. Just like when Fili was born, the process had been long and straining. Though she had only been there for Dis, holding her hand and urging her to keep going. Nuil glanced at her slightly swollen hand.

As much as they were beautiful and awe inspiring, Nuil wasn't sure if she wanted to put herself through that kind of pain. But if she ever did marry . . . perhaps? A little being created by her and from her, her own to raise and love.

Nuil turned away from the happy sight and wandered down the hall, unaware of the heavy blue gaze settled on her back.

* * *

**T.A. 2865**

"No, Fili," Nuil reprimanded the young dwarf. "Kili is not old enough to play with you . . . at least not with swords and run around to goodness knows where."

Fili heaved a sigh, scuffing his boots against the stone floor. He raise his blue eyes to give her the most heart wrenching look he could. _Nice try, little guy._ "But I'm bored!"

"Then you either need to find something that Kili can do or go find someone else to play with."

"Uncle won't like that Aunnie," Fili muttered.

"What? You playing with the other dwarrow children?"

Fili's glum look made her frown. _Thorin_, she grumbled with annoyance. _He's just a child_. Nuil gazed at her 'nephew' for a moment longer and finally sighed. "I wouldn't tell him, if you did go . . ." she hoped that Fili saw the conspiritory glint in her eyes. The corners of her lips lifted slightly at his wide blue eyes, so very similar to his mothers, and uncle.

"Really?" he asked timidly. Goodness, this boy. "Uncle doesn't-"

"What Thorin doesn't know, won't hurt him."

"But- I . . . I don't . . ." The look of consuming worry lining the young boys face brought worry bubbling to the surface of her heart. Brows drawing together she placed her hands on Fili's shoulders.

"What is it Fili? You can tell me," she told him with the utmost sincerity she could muster. It really was unfair for him to have to worry about who he played with at this age. Nuil never had this problem. Only when the children she played with decided to make fun of her, then there was a problem.

"I want Uncle to be proud of me," he said quietly. "I don't want him to be mad at me."

_Oh, Fili._ He was so worried about what Thorin thought of him. It vaguely crossed her mind that perhaps this same thing had happened when Thorin was a young lad. Wanting to make his father and grandfather proud. How lonely and sad it seemed.

Nuil brushed some of Fili's loose strands of golden hair from his face. "I'm sure, no matter what, as long as you're happy, Thorin will be proud of you. Even," she paused slightly. "-if he doesn't show it."

And if he isn't, Nuil thought darkly, I'll give Thorin a piece of my mind. Fili looked skeptical at her words, chewing the inside of his cheek as he wrung his well worn and beaten wooden sword in his hands.

"Just think, another year or two and Kili can play with you, just like how you want." They could bash each others heads in and still be right as rain.

"Alright, Aunnie," Fili finally murmured and then flashed her a dashing smile. He certainly had his fathers charming good looks.

"There we go! Now go have fun and return before dinner, or I won't be able to cover for you," she said. She watched him with a smile as he ran from the room, and looked down at the bubbly babe laying on his stomach by her feet. His brown eyes were on her and she smiled brightly to him.

"I bet that blanket isn't nearly as tasty as real food," she said, as he shoved the corner further into his mouth and kicked his feet in the air. He was proving to be far more difficult that Fili had been. He was almost crawling and practically fearless. He was by far more fussier, and more quick to angry tears. Kili had a certain fondness for yanking on any hair he could get in his grasp too.

Thorin had nearly dropped the poor boy when out of the blue, Kili had yanked one of his side braids shortly after being born. The look on his face had been priceless. It was also why she kept her hair braided at all times now, and out of the way.

She leaned down and picked up Kili with the blanket still in his mouth. "You're getting big too."

Kili bounced, gumming the blanket. His bright brown eyes staring innocently at her. He squealed suddenly, holding the blanket out to her. Nuil took it with a laugh, as he lifted his legs to kick. Almost ready to walk.

"Soon you will be grown too."

* * *

Nuil approached the door of Thorin's study. She brushed her gown down, glad there wasn't anything from Kili on it. He had gladly gone with his mother earlier for a nap. The strong doors were slightly ajar, so Nuil didn't really bother knocking. She paused in the doorway and watched.

_You grow too bold, Nuil_. It was dangerous for her to be so comfortable with the royal family. She was only a guest. Yet, she couldn't help herself. It was interesting to see Thorin sitting in the firelight, bent over rolls of parchment, instead of fighting. He was a warrior, a smith. Not a bookkeeper, or record taker.

Thorin paused and sighed, eyes reading over his work and running a hand through his hair. He then set the quill down and leaned back, raising his eyes. It startled him to see Nuil in the doorway, leaning against the frame with her arms folded. Her hazel eyes were bright, and watching him intently.

"Can I help you?"

"Perhaps," Nuil murmured softly. "May I come in?"

Thorin gestured to a chair by the fireplace, slowly rising from his own to join her. There was something in her eyes that told him she was unhappy about something. They had barely spoken to one another in her time here. He was always tied up in with his work and she was tending to his nephews. Save for that time he took her to the tavern.

"What is it?" he asked sitting in the chair next to her.

"It's Fili."

"What? Has something happened to him?" Thorin asked instantly, the overwhelming urge to go to his nephew nearly pulling him from his seat. Nuil gave a small smile.

"No. It is a worry, that I have, nothing more," Nuil said. She gazed at the fire. "He worries about you accepting him."

"I-" Thorin frowned. "Accepting him?" He wasn't quite sure what Nuilweyil was getting at. He loved his nephews, both of them. What could she possibly mean by that?

"Fili needs friends, Thorin," Nuil said, "Kili is nowhere near old enough to play the kind of games Fili is interested in. There are very few dwarf children that he can interact with. He wants to, Thorin. By Mahal, he does. But he's worried you won't like it."

"Fili knows he is the heir to the line of Durin, he knows his duty," Thorin replied, a hard edge entering his voice.

"He is a child," Nuil reminded him, turning her gaze to his hard face. "He should be happy, at least for a little while longer."

"Are you saying Fili isn't?" There was a threat in his tone.

"No. Worried. Are you really against him playing with the other dwarrow children here?"

"He is my heir-"

"You haven't answered my question," Nuil cut in firmly.

"Nuilweyil-"

"_Thorin."_

"Nuilweyil, he is my heir. He needs to act it."

"Even if it makes him unhappy?"

Thorin scowled. "I don't wish to make my nephew unhappy."

"Then be gentle, show him that you care and don't mind," Nuil urged. "I sent him out to play today."

"What?!"

"Thorin-"

"What gives you the right?" He could get hurt! Then what would Thorin do? What would he tell Dis if Fili was hurt, lost or Mahal forbid, killed?

"I'm his Aunt! Or have you forgotten that?" Nuil replied incensed. "Fili is terrified of letting you down. He just wants your love, and you need to show him it."

Thorin glared into the fire, fists clenched. Nuil slowly rose from her seat. "I just wanted to let you know. Fili loves you, Thorin, he wants to make you proud. Don't push him away with your pride." She turned to the door, letting out a shaky breath. _Nuil, you overstepped yourself._

"I think it's time you went home."

His words halted her at the door. Nuil gripped the wood tightly until her knuckles turned white. She looked back at him, unsurprised that he was still gazing at the fire, unmoving. The words bit at her, striking her as if it had been a physical blow.

_Now you've done it._

"As you wish," she murmured before leaving him in his silence, finding that she had nothing more to say. He wanted her gone, and who was she to overstep her bounds? Nuil wasn't even sure there were any words to convince him to let her stay. In those seven words she had been dismissed, his mind was made.

Thorin's shoulders slumped. Why did her words make him so angry? Why was it that whenever she was around him, it never went how he wanted it to? She was right though. _Thorin, you fool._ He knew his nephew adored him. Looked up to him and followed his every word as if it were law, hanging on to each piece that Thorin gave to him.

Thorin raised a shaking fist to his mouth, wishing he had held his tongue for a few seconds longer. Then perhaps she wouldn't have said those three words. She didn't even fight him.

And now he had pushed away the one person who he adored most.

* * *

Dis glared at him, her gaze unforgiving and hard. Beyond the door behind her he could hear the small sobs of his nephew. Fili. Then Eurig trying to comfort his distraught son. Nuil had not come to dinner, though Thorin hoped she would. Hoped that what had happened in his study was a dream. But it wasn't. He had to tell his nephew that he sent her away.

The look of utter distress in those blue eyes made him bitterly regret his words.

"How could you?" Dis seethed under her breath. "Did you not know how much she meant to him?"

"Dis-"

"I'll not have it. Fili loves the both of you, and you just broke his heart."

"Dis-"

"You go get her," Dis commanded. "Or I won't let you near him."

Thorin's face hardened. "_What?_"

"Nuil means the world to Fili, and you know it. She loves him just the same. Nuil left because you told her to. She respects you, and I dare to say loves you enough to do what hurts the most." Dis was shaking. Thorin took a step back, recoiling from her words. "Go get her before she gets too far. Go before it's too late and we never see her again."

"Dis-"

"I lost her once, Thorin, I won't lose her again."

That ended the matter. She turned and entered Fili's room, locking the door behind her with a resounding click. He stared at the door, half in disbelief and the other anger.

'_. . . loves you enough to do what hurts the most.'_

Thorin clenched his fists. Mahal, he didn't need this. He could always just ignore his sister, brush off the broken blue eyes of his nephew, and retreat to his room for the night. But the sting of both his nephews tears and Nuilweyil's departure made up his mind.

* * *

Nuil gazed at the stars, finding some solace in their steadfastness. They would never change and that was a good thing for her. But the stars held little comfort, not like they used to. Her mind kept turning back to Thorin's study, his words. She didn't even say goodbye. Just grabbed her bag and left. Her heart clenched.

Fili. Oh, Fili, I'm sorry.

Damn you, Thorin. She wouldn't defy him, not with something like this. But she hated that he couldn't see beyond his blasted pride. Nuil knew it wasn't her place to question their family affairs, and she had crossed that boundary. Especially with Thorin. Dis would have understood.

_This is all your own doing, Nuil._

Nuil clenched her eyes shut. It was no use crying, it would get her nowhere. She could only hope that Fili understood. How her heart hurt. It was just like when she had lost Frerin, her parents and brothers. _Mahal, it hurt! _Her right hand pressed over where her heart should be, willing the pain away. Willing the sting of tears from her eyes.

A clatter interrupted her thoughts. Sitting upright she gazed into the darkness, glad that she hadn't made a fire. Already out in the wild and she was going to be attacked, surely she wasn't that out of practice? The moon was full. An advantage and disadvantage. She could see, but so could her attacker. Nuil rose to her feet. Pulling her sword from its sheath with the faint sound of metal scrapping, she waited, until another twig snapping filled the air and she swung.

_Mahal!_

Nuil hissed glaring at the dwarf before her. The tip of her blade nearly touching his throat, resting just beneath where his neatly trimmed beard ended. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, brushing the blade.

"I could have killed you!"

"So could I," he replied. His own blade was drawn, hovering just under her raised arms and on her left side. They stared at one another until his hard gaze softened. Nuil lowered her sword.

"What do you want, Thorin?" she asked, meaning to sound harsh. It came out more strained than she would have liked.

"Come back," he said. "I was too harsh with my words. My anger overruled me."

Nuil eyed him with distrust, not knowing how much it stung him to see it. "Why? Only for you to throw me out whenever I let my doubts be known? Question something you don't agree with?"

Thorin hid his flinch at her words and sighed. "I was rash, understand me Nuilweyil. I take pride in my nephew, and hearing that he was miserable made me . . .lash out." Thorin dropped his gaze. "Miserable because of his fear of me."

"He doesn't fear you, Thorin," Nuil whispered. "He wants to make you proud. He believes that if he fails, at anything, you will be upset with him."

"I will not."

"Have you told him that?" Nuil asked. "Have you sat down with him? You teach him, yes. But know him?"

Thorin's shoulders slumped. "Forgive me."

"I already have," Nuil said. "May I return?"

Thorin sheathed his sword and offered her his arm. Nuil gave him a small smile and took it, taking comfort in his warm presence. She sighed and let the King Under the Mountain take her home.

* * *

Fili crashed into her legs the moment the door opened. It was late, so getting to the mansion was easy. Nuil was surprised that he had stayed up so late. He buried his red face in her legs and let out a choked sob. Shel dropped to her knees, pressing a kiss to his head and placing her hands on either side of his face.

Fili whipped his nose with his sleeve, giving little thought to what the dwarf standing at her side might think.

"You didn't say goodbye!"

"I know, and I am sorry, mimel ze." He made no face at the endearment. His lower lip quivered and he flung his arms around her neck. Nuil held him tightly to her and shushed him as he hiccuped. Rising to her feet she turned to Dis.

"May I?"

Dis waved her off, eyes on her brother. With a last fleeting glance at Thorin, Nuil left them to put Fili to bed.

"I hope you're happy," Dis snarled once the two had left the room. Eurig watched the two siblings in silence, jaw set tightly. He too was not happy that his son had been so upset.

"I'm not," Thorin muttered. "It wasn't my intention."

Dis sighed, coming to stand before him. "Thank you." Thorin nodded, not quite meeting her gaze. "Nuil really does care about you. She may not show it . . . in the most obvious way, but she does."

Thorin's jaw clenched. Dis leaned up and kissed his cheek, before taking Eurig's arm and leaving the room. His shoulders slumped. If Dis's words were true . . . Mahal part of him wished they were. Yet, there was always that gnawing doubt. She was a free spirit. He was a king. It seemed like fate never would be on his side.

* * *

**T.A. 2866**

Nuil jumped as the door to Thorin's study slammed open and the dwarf king came stomping out. His face was furious, his fists balled at his sides and he came to the living area. She watched his nostrils flare with anger as his eyes landed on her. Seeming to have nothing to say, he turned on his heel and stomped back to his study, slamming the door shut once more.

What in Mahal's name?

She set her sewing to the side and rose slowly. Thorin seemed, on edge, unhinged almost. She had never seen this from him before. What was going on? Swiftly she approached his study raising her knuckles to rap lightly on the wood. There was a poorly muffled growl before his voice rose.

"What?!"

Nuil pressed her lips into a thin line, "may I come in?" she asked calmly. There was a pause and Nuil wasn't sure if he was even going to respond before a very tired, "enter", reached her ears. Turning the handle she opened the door and did a double take.

Thorin's usually neat and ordered study was a mess. Books and rolls of parchment were scattered across the floor and some of his finest liquor glasses were shattered. The dwarf king himself was seated at his desk, arms resting limply on the armrests of his chair as he stared at the polished wood of his desk. Tentatively she stepped over the books, scrolls and glass.

"Thorin?" she asked as worry creeped into her voice. "What- whatever is the matter?"

She was standing before his desk now, watching his blue eyes as rage swirled in them along with carefully concealed hurt. He didn't answer right away, clenching and unclenching his jaw. But then he slowly placed a piece of parchment on the surface of the desk, sliding it towards her. Nuil picked it up, wary of what Thorin was doing and thinking. Hesitantly her eyes turned to the bold scrawl written on the parchment, and softly began to read them out loud.

"_Thorin_," she glanced at the dwarf and noticed that he had leaned down to rest his head in his hands, covering his face from her view, "_I look forward to our trade meetings this coming season. Congratulate Dis on the birth of her new son. I will be arriving in Ered Luin in a fortnight, bringing my wife and son. Your Cousin, Dain._"

She waited in silence, not quite sure why this news had upset Thorin. When she didn't say anything Thorin's shoulders began to shake. Her brows drew together, he wasn't crying was he? No, he wasn't. He lifted his head and gave her a sardonic smile, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. Nuil frowned at him, clutching the letter in her hands tightly.

"You don't know," he laughed bitingly.

"What do I not know?" she all but snapped at him. Nuil did not enjoy being laughed at, and found her temper beginning to run thin.

Thorin sighed, rubbing his hand over his face in one tired motion. Then he looked at her with a hard edge to his gaze. "Dain's _wife_, is Rana."

Nuil's eyes widened and she stumbled back slightly. _What?_ His wife? When had that happened? But she should have known, really. She had seen the two together. By Thorin's reaction eight years ago she had thought that they had only parted on less than friendly terms. Never had she imagined that Rana would be married. And now she had a son.

Thorin leaned back in his chair. "Would you like to hear the story?"

"I'm not sure I would," she murmured sliding the letter back across the desk to him. Not with how he was speaking to her.

He didn't seem to hear her. "You should have a seat." Wordlessly she complied, sitting stiffly in one of the chair by the fireplace. Thorin rose and joined her, standing by the hearth and facing the empty grill. He took a breath and began.

"Ten years after the battle of Azanulbizar, Dain came to visit, under the same reason he now comes today," Thorin said. "I suspected nothing. Rana and I were to be wed, I saw nothing of their shared glances, or brief touches, too blind was I. It was not until after I found out that I realized what a fool I had been. They married in secret. Only after they had wed did Rana even tell me what had transpired."

Nuil swallowed, feeling an overwhelming surge of guilt wash through her. If only she had told him . . .

"When my father found out he went into a rage, casting Rana and her father out of Ered Luin for . . . humiliating me." Thorin's fists clenched. "It was only then that I was able to see her true nature, and finally understood her actions. When the next trade meetings were held Dain returned, and he brought Rana with him. I was furious, so was my father. Rana tried to get herself into the good graces of all present, to turn the other envoys from the other dwarf kingdoms against us.

"Understandably, I was still slightly in love with her. Rana even tried to rekindle the old love we used to share. But wasn't the same. She was not as she was, changed from the dwarrowdam I had once known. Since then Dain and I have not been on good terms with one another. We tolerate each other, for the sake of our people."

"I'm so sorry," she murmured looking down at her lap. She felt an odd painful sensation in her chest when Thorin spoke of him and Rana, a tingling of . . . jealousy? But she was more sorry that she didn't tell Thorin sooner, spare him the anger and pain he was experiencing now.

He scoffed. "There's nothing you could do,"

_Yes. Yes, there was_, she thought sadly.

* * *

Nuil was hard pressed not to scowl at the two sitting before them. Well, three. Dain's son, a young dwarfling of eleven summers sat in between his parents. He was called Bain, son of Dain. A very fitting name, she thought morbidly. Thorin and Dis were conversing with their cousin stiffly, mainly just asking after the welfare of the Iron Hills.

Fili sat on her lap, watching his cousin Bain curiously, though his cousin seemed to be ignoring him. Nuil really didn't find that all much surprising. Kili was nestled in Dis's arms, sleeping quietly with his hands curled up by his face with his lips parted slightly. Nuil could almost be a little at ease in this situation. That was until Rana turned and gave her a patronizing smirk, and Nuil's blood ran cold.

* * *

**Really long chapter today, I felt like giving you all lots to read! Enjoy! So Nuil finally finds out what happened to Rana. I know a lot of you wanted her to get a punishment befitting her actions, or Nuil to roundhouse her or something like that. I'm sure I could make something like that happen, but this story is no where near over so . . .**

**Thank you to my reviewers!: _King of Truands, uno mega, Guest, Chilled Souls of the Forgotten,_ and _The Penned Tekrid_. Also thank you to my followers and favoriters, and readers, I hope that you enjoy this chapter!**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien except the characters not in his works.**

* * *

**Since I was young, I knew I'd find you  
But our love was a song sung by a dying swan  
And in the night, you hear me calling,  
You hear me calling  
And in your dreams you see me falling, falling.**

**~Oblivion, feat. Suzanne Sundfor**

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

**T.A. 2868**

"Then the old goat said to the farmer, 'why do I need to carry these stones?' And the farmer said to the goat, 'so that you can become strong like my oxen.' So the old goat carried the great big stones-"

"How big were they?" Kili asked eyes wide. Nuil glanced down at him where he sat on her lap. This was about the tenth time he had interrupted. He was so inquisitive, it was endearing really. But it would have been more amusing about five interruptions ago.

"As big as you," she replied. "Now hush, or we'll never get through the story."

Kili clamped his mouth shut, gazing at her with his big brown eyes obediently.

"So the old goat carried the great big stones, up, up, up, the mountain and the farmer began building the house. The old goat did this three times, and the house slowly grew, until it was finally finished and the farmer brought his wife to live in the house. But then they had a terrible winter, and the farmer and his wife ran out of food. So the farmer turned to the old goat and said, 'we're so hungry, can't we have one of your legs?' The old goat told the farmer yes, because he wanted to become strong like the farmers oxen. So the farmer and his wife ate the old goats leg."

Kili gasped. "Didn't the old goat die?"

"Not yet," Nuil said. "Well, the farmer and his wife got hungry again, so the farmer asked the goat for his other two legs, and the old goat said yes. This happened one more time before the old goat realized that he no longer had legs. Surely he could not become strong like an oxe without legs?" Kili shook his head, eyes wide. "So the old goat went to the farmer. 'Farmer, I cannot walk. How will I get strong like your oxen?' The farmer gave the old goat a sad look. 'There is a way, but you must let me eat your heart.' The old goat believed his master and let the farmer eat his heart."

Kili gasped again, gripping the fabric of her blouse tightly.

"Right before the old goat died, he realized that the farmer had lied to him. He would never become strong like his oxen."

"Why was the farmer so mean?" Kili asked with a frown, his fingers curled around her blouse with confusion written in his eyes.

"The farmer was a bad man, who took advantage of the old goat." Nuil smoothed out Kili's wild hair, lips upturned when she realized he had managed to take his braids out again. Dis would be furious. "He lied so that the goat would give him what he wanted."

"Didn't the goat know he could never be strong like an oxe?" Kili asked.

"Just because he was a goat didn't mean he couldn't be strong," Nuil explained to the bright young dwarf in her lap. "Just like your uncle or your father, each has different strengths. We are strong in our own ways, like the goat carrying the great stones up the mountain."

Kili made a noise of understanding, a slow smile forming on his lips. Nuil beamed at him, finding that whenever he smiled it brought one to her face as well. It was infectious. There was always a smile on Kili's face and when he was with Fili, he was fearless. The two were perfect balances for each other. Fili was Thorin's heir, making him slightly more mature. But Kili always managed to get him to smile and play around as if the burden didn't weigh on his shoulders.

"Aunnie?"

"Yes, my dear one?"

"Will you teach me to fight?" His innocent look made her smile widen. He was really Fili's brother. Eager and ready.

"Gladly, dear one."

* * *

Nuil watched Fili spar with his uncle, practice swords in their hands. Fili had grown much over the past four years. He was only a head shorter than his uncle and already boasting a thick growth of stubble on his fair skin. His blue eyes danced as his uncle lunged, and he blocked.

There was no denying that Fili would make an excellent swordsman. Dis was so proud and so was Eurig. Kili gripped her hand, jumping in the air whenever the two lunged or dodged attacks. A huge grin on his face as he cheered his older brother on. Nuil knew he was expecting to get his own practice sword any day now. Her youngest nephew was beside himself with anticipation.

They watched until Fili finally was on his back, overpowered by his uncle and breathing hard. His cheeks colored with exertion as Thorin helped him to his feet. Fili grinned at Thorin, looking very happy when he wrapped an arm around Fili's shoulders with a look of pride. Nuil knew how much he wanted to make his uncle proud. As they approached Kili broke away and ran to them, arms in the air.

"Uncle!"

Thorin gave Kili a rare smiled, leaning down to pick him up.

"Can I try too? I'm big now! I want to fight!" Kili spouted off. Fili beamed up at his brother.

"You can use my sword little brother!" Fili offered.

"Please?" Kili asked beseechingly, eyes on his uncle. His tiny hands gripped the front of Thorin's sweat soaked tunic in an almost desperate clingingness. Thorin's face softened at the eagerness of his youngest nephew. He gave Nuil a glance, noting her smile with warm eyes.

"I do believe you are ready," he said finally. Kili squealed, scrambling to get down. He put his hands on his hips and stared with every amount of seriousness his small form could muster at the small practice ring. Thorin watched with amusement. The Kili turned to look at her, his tiny form quivering with excitement.

"I'm gonna be big and strong, Aunnie!"

"Yes, you will be, Kili," she said with a chuckle. Fili went to his brother, bending down to show him his sword. He had one of his arms wrapped around Kili's shoulders protectively. Thorin approached her, Nuil had to keep her eyes on the boys to fight the furious blush that threatened to rise to her cheeks. His tunic was nearly soaked, the collar open and loose, revealing his skin and dark chest hairs hidden by the rest of the fabric.

They had not had many chances to speak since her near banishment three years ago. She would never admit it, but she was very glad Thorin had changed his mind and went to bring her back. So very glad. It helped that he seemed to be more aware of her opinions now, and since his near meltdown two years ago when Dain and his wife had come to visit, she seemed to better understand his moods and actions. But getting the chance to be in his presence was good enough for her. This was her home. It wasn't the cottage by Lake Evendim, nor the sprawling green hills. But it was tied to her, the stone, by blood and her fierce love for this family.

Thorin watched his nephews, keenly aware that Nuil was keeping her eyes on them on purpose. Quietly he cleared his throat, finally drawing her gaze with those hazel eyes. Bright and happy.

"How are you?" he asked softly. Nuil gave him a small smile, eyes fully on him.

"Well. And you? It seems as though your duties keep you apart from your family," Nuil said, _from me._ Thorin sighed slightly, a wave of exhaustion crossing his aging face. Nuil knew that his duties were strenuous, and demanding of him. He was too proud to back down and take the easy road, placing the welfare of his people before his own.

Nuil reached out boldly, brushing a few strands of his dark hair from his face. She gave him a smile, though it didn't convey what she wanted to express to the dwarf beside her. His blue eyes searched her face, both seeming to be at a loss for words. Finally Nuil spoke softly.

"You work too hard, Thorin," she murmured. "Have you been sleeping?"

Thorin reached out and took the hand that had brushed his hair away in his own. His hands were significantly larger than her own, calloused from years of smithing and battles. She knew hers were worn from time, but his were nearly a tough as stone. But it felt right. He gave her hand a squeeze, secretly marveling at how small her hands were.

"I'm fine," he replied. He looked to his nephews again, not letting go of her hand, warmth radiating from his skin. Nuil looked to Fili and Kili, smiling at them. Fili had Kili's back pressed against his chest as he showed Kili how to hold the sword, his hands over the smaller ones of his brother.

It was the same way her brothers had taught her how to wield a sword.

Kili beamed up at him, saying something in excitement. Fili reached a hand over to ruffle Kili's already messy hair.

* * *

Eurig was on the floor with his boys after they finished supper. They were retelling their father about their day, Fili jumping to his feet to show his father how he sparred with his uncle. They chatted excitedly, Kili bouncing as he told him how Fili let him use his sword. Dis was watching with a tender look in her eyes, not bothering to busy herself with anything, content to watch.

Nuil was in a chair opposite them, sewing quietly and stealing glances at the precious moment. The fabric in her hands was thick, used for cloaks. She had a finished cloak sitting at her feet, embroidered with golden suns and starbursts. The trim had fur around the hood, perfect for cold weather traveling. The one on her lap was of the same make, yet she was embroidering silver moons and stars. Once that was done she would add the fur.

Perfect gifts for her nephews when they finally reached maturity and began to have their own adventures. She had told Dis of this, pleased that her friend approved. What Dis did not know, was that she had made a cloak for each of them. Gifts for when her brothers finally called her home. She knew that they wanted to see her again, and she expected a summons any day now.

The thought brought an unhappy frown to her face. She didn't really want to leave Ered Luin. It was home to her, like Erebor had been. The people she loved were here. She did love her brothers, but they were hardly ever home, always abroad. Living with Dis and helping raise Fili and Kili had awoken something in her.

She wanted to settle down. Lead a life of peace, with a family of her own.

Nuil knew it was inevitable to be called home. She knew her time here would not last forever. It was eating at her, keeping her awake at night with worry.

Kili's laughter brought her out of her thoughts. She smiled as Eurig pinned his sons to the ground, his fingers dancing across their stomachs.

"Adad!" Fili gasped. "Adad!"

"Amad, help us!" Kili howled between laughter. Dis was chuckling, but offered no assistance to her sons. "Aunnie!"

Nuil pressed her lips together, shaking her head and trying not to laugh. Her gaze landed on Thorin. The dwarf was standing silently in the doorway watching. His arms were crossed over his chest, corners of his lips upturned. His eyes settled on her, blue eyes darkening slightly as his gaze turned soft. Nuil smiled, gesturing for him to join them. Thorin shook his head, his face regaining a tired look before he slowly back away into the shadows of the hall. Nuil sighed, shoulders slumping.

She understood. He felt as if he had no place in this moment. But he did. A dwarf with the weight of the world on his shoulders, and no relief. A burning desire to reclaim his homeland, and a fierce hatred. Nuil knew that Thorin was not at peace with his life, knew he felt the burdens of his people. If only he would let it go, at least for a little while . . . perhaps he could finally feel some peace.

* * *

Her mother had always taught her that dreams had meanings. Even the worst ones. Nuil had not believed her, finding her mother too superstitious in her beliefs. Yet a small part of her had tucked it away in the back of her mind. Clinging to her late mothers teachings.

_She was sitting in a grand room, long red tapestries hung from the walls. Shelves lined with books filled the room, as great torches blazed. Nuil wore a fine gown, embroidered with gold, and trimmed with gold. The fabric felt like silk against her skin, but there were many layers of skirts that covered her legs. Her gaze turned towards the walls in the room. The stone was cracked in some places, but not big enough to cause alarm._

_The book in her hands shut as the sound of little feet drew near. In through the open doors a little boy ran, his dark hair flying behind him as he landed in a heap at her feet. He wrapped his tiny arms around her legs and stared up at her with wide blue eyes. He had her nose, and chin. But his eyes and lips were that of another. _

_No words were spoken. He merely stared up at her, adoration in those blue eyes. Her heart went out to him. He was so beautiful, he couldn't possibly be hers. Her son. Yet every fiber of her being hoped that he was. His chest rose and fell rapidly, showing that he had been running before coming to her. But the smile on his lips let her know that he was in no danger._

_He just had to be hers. There was no other way to explain the deep love that pulled at her heart, the pride that filled her when she gazed at him. He just had to be. Finally the little one opened his mouth._

"_Amad?"_

Nuil jerked awake, bolting upright in her bed. A dream. It had all been a dream. She brushed her hair out of her face, taking a deep breath. She had never dreamed about children before, certainly not of her own for she had none. Nuil remembered her mothers wise words, her belief that dreams showed us what may lie in our futures.

Nuil shut her eyes almost despairingly. "Oh, mother," she moaned. "What does this mean?"

There was no response of course. A tiny voice in her mind however, told her that this would not be the last of the dream, and that it was no mere trick of the mind.

* * *

Nuil entered Thorin's study, smiling when her eyes landed on the hunched over dwarf king, softly snoring into the wood of the desk. He would be mortified to know that she had seen him in such a state. But she couldn't help herself, approaching him and taking the feathered quill out of his limp hands. She placed it with the other he had and shut the ink well.

She moved the parchments and letter out of the way and finally looked down at his sleeping face. He looked exhausted. Dark rings hung under his eyes, the lines on his face standing out sharply in the warm glow of the fire. Even the few strands of gray hair at his temple looked like silver. He didn't always have that, she mused, brushing the stray hairs back into his dark mane of hair. Nuil could see age and time creeping up on him.

He wouldn't be around forever, she reminded herself.

What a dark world it would be not to see him. She had known him since she was a child, admired and envied him. Yet the thought of losing him made her heart clench painfully. He may not love her, not in the way she did, but at least she had his friendship.

Nuil reached out and gently shook his shoulder, knowing that if he slept like this all night he would be a cantankerous beast in the morning. He stirred slowly, at first, giving her a tired groan. Then he sat bolt upright, hand going into his coat to where she suspected he had a dagger hidden. His blue eyes landed on her and he relaxed.

"Come to kill me, my dear?" he murmured with amusement coloring his sleep ridden voice.

Nuil smirked. "Only to get you to bed."

Thorin looked away and soft upturn of his lips hiding the smile that he was suppressing. He rubbed his face a moment later, looking to the papers piled on his desk wearily. "I still have work to do-"

"I'm sure it can wait, a king must sleep sometime." She gripped his arm tightly, pulling him to his feet. A sigh escaped his lips and he cast her an almost annoyed look.

"A king never sleeps," he murmured.

Nuil snorted, missing the amused look he gave her for such an action. "You have just lied, explain to me the state I just found you in."

"You shouldn't have been in here," Thorin sneered, without the malicious tone. "Didn't anyone ever teach you its rude to enter a private study?"

Nuil huffed moving towards the door. "You are in a right mood, Thorin Oakenshield. I only meant to spare you the pain of a sore back when I came."

Thorin grunted following her. Once outside in the hall he took her arm and wrapped it around his. Nuil couldn't stop the grin that spread across her face when he did this. It was so rare when he was this considerate. They walked in silence before he spoke.

"I never have thanked you for all that you have done for us."

"There's nothing to thank me for, I did all willingly," she replied.

Thorin nodded. "Aye. But you needn't."

"So I should not be here, helping Dis?"

"Is that the only reason why you're here?" he asked. Nuil was silent for a moment, she knew the answer to that question, but she just wasn't sure how he would take it.

"No."

"May I ask why?"

They were at her bedroom door. Nuil realized that she had been meaning to see Thorin to his out quarters but instead he had led them here. She pulled away from his slightly, looking from the floor to his face thoughtfully. He couldn't fault her for honesty, she supposed.

"I'm here because you are my family," Nuil said. "I do have my brothers, but I don't know them like I know you all. Their thoughts are turned to duty and fulfilling our fathers wishes, but here I have a purpose that makes me happy. Not endless wandering."

Thorin nodded, his eyes turning downwards, and he took a step closer to her. "It is not duty that ties you here, then?"

"Loyalty, and the love I carry for each of you," Nuil said. Thorin raised his eyes to hers, his gaze guarded and a little wary.

"And that love," he breathed, "is whole, real, and true?" He was close enough to touch her now, his own hand reaching out, fingers gently brushing her arm. He sounded so wary and cautious, which she understood.

"Yes," she said quietly. "Never have I doubted it, and the only way it has changed is by the intensity I've felt it."

"Speak plainly, Nuilweyil," he demanded in his deep voice, though now it was rough and full of emotion.

"Thorin, I would stay by your side to the ends of time if Aule permitted it. My home is where you are. Time has only strengthened my feelings."

His fingers curled around her arm, pulling her towards him. Nuil sucked in a sharp breath, heart pounding furiously in her chest, as his eyes searched her own. She lightheaded and dizzy all at once. Thorin slowly moved his hand up the column of her throat, sending spine tingling chills through her, saying nothing as his fingers wound themselves into her hair, held back in its usual braid.

Thorin pressed her close, moving his other hand to press into her lower back. He watched her chest rise and fall, and the heat rush up to her cheeks. _Such a lovely shade of red_, he mused. He had hoped that she had felt some duty towards his kin, but never imagined the loyalty she told him of. To him, of all dwarves, when she could have her pick of any.

The faint light from the torch at the end of the hall cast its faint glow over them, and he pulled her head towards his, pressing his lips to hers. Nuil's lips parted in surprise and he moved in, holding her to him. She shivered, hands moving to grasp his coat desperately.

It was like a thousand suns had exploded in her chest, everything was a dizzy symphony of drums in her ears, and her lips were on fire. The air was stolen from her lips, and Thorin's well groomed beard tickled her skin as he pressed in further, hands moving up and down her sides. Her legs wobbled and it was only his firm grip on her that kept her up.

He broke away, pressing kisses along her jaw line as she gasped for air. Then his lips were on hers once more, and she let herself get lost in his touch. When they finally broke away, both were breathing heavy, holding each other tightly. Thorin pressed his forehead to hers, regaining his breath, and she hers. Then he pulled away and pressed a tender kiss to her brow.

Nuil touched her lips, lowering her gaze. She missed his amused look, and only looked up when he spoke, a little breathlessly. "You act as if you've never been kissed, my lady."

"I haven't," she breathed. His heavy lidded blue gaze studied her silently, before his face turned to one of pleasure, as if her words had made him happy. His hands came up to cradle her face.

"I can fix that," he murmured and a smiled spread across her face.

* * *

**Yup. I can't stand these two dancing around each other any more, they fight like a married couple anyways. :) Hope none of the characters seemed too OOC. And I don't go into Dain and Rana's visit because they aren't really that important in this story, and I don't like writing them, lets just say they came and went and everyone was glad to see them go. Unfortunately they will show up later in the story. *pouts***

**Special thank you to my reviewers who have stuck with me so far! : _uno mega, RALover, Alu Riversong, The Penned Tekrid, Sam0728_. Also thank you to my readers, followers and favoriters. **

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: J.R.R. Tolkien owns everything save for the characters not in his works. Warning: violence and death in this chapter.**

* * *

**Oohh the reason I hold on**  
**Oohh cause I need this hole gone**  
**Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving**  
**Cause whenever you see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving**

**Not really sure how to feel about it**  
**Something in the way you move**  
**Makes me feel like I can't live without you**  
**It takes me all the way**  
**I want you to stay... Stay...**

**~Stay, Rihanna**

* * *

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

**T.A. 2869**

Fili was ten summers and Kili was five.

There was an unsettling feel in the air as Nuil watched her two nephews run around in the open air. It was a day where the two could be outside the mountain, get a feel for the land and not be kept in the deeps of the mountain. She turned her gaze to the tree line, narrowing at the dark undergrowth. The she returned her eyes to her nephews.

They were antsy. Their father had not returned from his trip when expected and it was now seven days passed his anticipated return. Dis was beside herself with worry. Nuil was also worried. More so than any of the other times that Eurig had returned late. There were whispers.

It was not uncommon to go to one of the taverns within the dwarven settlement and hear of attacks on travelers. There was always some story of a passing wanderer who had seen, experienced or heard of attacks. The rumors were spreading and growing rapidly. Nuil decided that they were a growing problem and hoped that Eurig was only delayed by business. Mahal, she hoped that he was well. Fili and Kili needed a father. But the more she thought about it the more that feeling in the pit of her stomach grew. Thorin tried to reassure them that Eurig was fine, but his words did little to dissuade the two females worries.

Kili stopped chasing his brother as a brightly colored butterfly fluttered in his face. He reached out for it, distracted from his brother. Kili turned and began to follow the insect, closer to the edge of the forest.

"Kili, stay where I can see you!" she called.

"Aunnie! Look at this!" Fili cried, drawing her attention to him. Nuil looked at him, frowning at the odd object he lifted from the tall grass. It was black, long, with one jagged edge with most of the metal rusting. It looked like- her eyes narrowed and she snatched it from his hand.

"An orc blade," she spat, thrusting it to the ground in disgust. Fili stared at it, eyes wide.

"Why is it here?" he asked quietly. His voice shook with undisguised fear. Nuil clenched her jaw then looked up. Eyes scanning the clearing she felt her breath catch. _Kili_. He was gone.

"Kili!" she yelled, rushing to the trees where she had seen him last. Dread filled the pit of her stomach. If anything happened to her sweet dear one she would never forgive herself. Nuil vaguely heard Fili follow after her crashing through the undergrowth after her. "Kili!"

Without any hesitation she drew her sword out, the shining metal catching the sunlight. Her heart was pounding in her chest. This was the same feeling she had felt when Frerin had died. She never brought him up if she could help it, his death a painful memory of hers. This feeling felt all too similar.

_Please. Please be safe._

A child's cry filled the air, startling several birds from their nests. "KILI!" Her legs pushed her further and suddenly the trees gave way to a small clearing. Nuil kept running, eying the large dark figure standing over her nephew as hostile. As she drew in the figure raised its head and glared at her.

An orc.

It's yellow eyes narrowed at her, blood running down his chin, as his gangly and discolored limbs hung at its sides. It howled at her, backing up as she placed herself in between it and Kili. Nuil knew Fili was right with her. She leveled her blade on the orc, a fierce sneer on her face as she spoke.

"Fili, get Kili out of here. Run. Get your Uncle," she ordered in a hard voice. She didn't see Fili's wide eyes, nor his shock at being addressed so harshly. Fili had never heard that come from his sweet tempered aunt. He stood frozen as the orc snarled at his aunt. Surely she couldn't take it on alone?

"I told you to run! RUN!"

Fili didn't need to be told again. Grabbing the hand of his crying little brother he dragged him into the trees and back towards the mountain, not looking back. Nuil let out an almost relieved breath and narrowed her eyes on the foul creature. It was breathing heavily, filling the space between them with the stench of rotting flesh. Bile rose in her throat.

It snarled in orcish, to what Nuil deemed, an insult of some sort. Her jaw clenched and she raised her blade higher. It howled at her with fury in its eyes before it lunged, taking her to the ground and impaling itself at the same time. What a stupid creature. They fell, hitting the ground with a dull thud. Nuil groaned, opening her eyes.

Yellow eyes stared down at her, clouding with death. Nuil's breath froze, eyes widening, memories of long past flashing before her eyes. The clouded over eyes, gaping mouth, and smell of rotting flesh. Buried under countless bodies in the dark. Nuil blinked, letting out a wail as she shoved the orc from off the top of her. Blood coated her hands and the front of her blouse, running down into the folds of her skirt.

With a grimace, Nuil pulled her blade out of the now still body, cleaning it on the grass and holding it tightly. Her hands shook slightly, but she determinedly looked around. No orc traveled alone, her mind whispered to her. Where there was one there had to be more. Cautiously she entered the line of trees, going deeper into the woods. If probably wasn't the best decision, but she had to know how many there were. Every now and then she would come across a patch of broken bush or trampled undergrowth. Bending down she examined the trail, the imprint of a heavy boot, until she neared a clearing.

Nuil crouched down behind a bush, peering out carefully. Her eyes widened at the sight before her. Several dozen orcs had overrun a caravan, picking off the few dwarves that were left fighting for their lives. Anger poured through her. She easily recognized the emblem sewn into the wagon coverings. She stood, furious and stepped out of her hiding spot.

"Over here! You pieces of filth!" she roared, raising her sword. The orcs nearest to her, raised their heads and growled at her, leaving their current victims and stalking towards her. Nuil advanced on the first with a yell, cutting it down without giving it the chance to reach her. The others pounced, coming in on all sides. She sliced and cut, weaving through them. A few fell with cries of agony as limbs were severed and stomachs sliced opened. But their sharp fingers dug into her skin, ripping at her clothing and hair.

Another yell left her lips as she cut down the last orc before her. The sounds of fighting had died down and Nuil realized that she wasn't alone in the skirmish anymore. Breathing heavily she watched as several dwarves finished off the last of the orcs. She was exhausted, her limbs felt heavy and her hands shook. The harsh reality of this fight showed her how much she had let herself go.

She was so used to taking care of Fili and Kili that she had let go of the possibility of having to fight anymore. She had gone soft. A heavy frown crossed her face.

"Nuilweyil!"

The rough and familiar voice pulled her from her inner musings. She turned and gave Thorin a smile of relief as he approached her, his stride purposeful as he drew near.

"Fili and Kili are safe?" she asked.

He didn't reply, pulling her into a tight embrace instead, burying his face into her hair. He held her tightly, almost as if to tell himself that she was really there. Nuil wrapped her arms around him, careful to keep her blade from cutting into him.

"They are with Dis," he murmured pulling away. His blue eyes rested on her tired face, full of worry. "Fili was beside himself."

"I'm glad they're safe," she sighed. Her sword fell from her grasp as her exhaustion finally crept to the surface. Her dreams had been plagued of late with nightmares, so she was not rested as she would have liked. Thorin gripped her arms tightly, to hold her upright if she began to collapse.

"Nuilweyil?"

She waved her hand, "I am well, tired is all."

Then his gaze hardened as she took in her full appearance. He noted the blood covering the front of her clothing, the fabric torn from her blouse revealing the skin beneath. Her skin was cut in many places, long claw marks left from the orcs attack.

"Are you hurt?" he asked, worrying creeping into his voice. His hands ghosted over her arms, down to her hands which he held tightly. Nuil gave him a small tired smile.

"I will be fine with a good nights rest, Thorin." He sighed at her stubbornness, pressing his lips to hers briefly and giving her another once over.

"My lord!" a call rose up from on of that wagons. Thorin turned as a dwarf approached them. His hands released hers, and he did not notice the flash of hurt in Nuil's eyes. But she understood. "We have found Lord Eurig, my king."

Nuil felt her heart drop. The tone that the dwarf used boded ill. She followed the two dwarrow to the wagon, the boards had been nearly ripped apart, the canvas torn. They rounded the corner and Nuil felt her knees give out beneath her. She hit the ground with a choked cry. Her hands dug into the dirt beneath her fingers. Hazel eyes blurred with tears.

_No. Mahal no_.

* * *

Nuil sat on the sofa in a daze, watching as Thorin spoke with his sister. Their words didn't reach her ears but Dis's reaction spoke for them. Her face suddenly crumpled, and a cry passed her lips as she collapsed in her brothers arms. Tears poured from her eyes and she pounded her fists against his chest. They sank to the floor as Thorin cradled his little sister against him.

Fili and Kili rushed to Nuil, wrapping their arms around her and burying their faces into her shoulders. She reached up, stroking their heads and whispering words of comfort as small sobs escaped their lips. A child should never lose a parent, she would know. Nuil kissed the side of each of their heads, holding them close.

* * *

The tomb was in the grandest part of Ered Luin. Great care had been taken in the funeral of Eurig son of Erig, husband of Dis, father of Fili and Kili. He was laid in the royal tombs, carved painstakingly out of the rock with the utmost detail. He wore the finest robes found in Ered Luin, rich cloth embroidered in gold. They closed the stone casket once Thorin placed Eurig's sword in the dwarfs hands, Dis would not get to see her husband for the last time.

The wounds had been to great. The desecration upon his body . . . Nuil swallowed thickly as bile rose from her throat. Fili and Kili stood silently by the mothers side, each firmly gripping one of her hands in their own. The wept noiselessly, tears trailing down their cheeks, staring at the floor. Nuil blinked, desperately trying to let the salty tears fall from her own. It was not her place to cry.

But how she wanted to. His eyes were what Nuil remembered best. Soft kind brown, a hint of mischief. Kili had those eyes. Fili had the mane of golden hair . . . like his father. Yet all she saw when she looked into those brown eyes, was a vague emptiness that was called death. No spark, no light. Just dull, unblinking death.

She felt as if she was losing her family all over again. The pain tugging at her heart, the clenching of the organ that was only supposed to know love. Nuil remembered the dark nights in Mirkwood, filled with angry tears and pleas with the Valar to bring her mother, father and brothers back to her. She felt sick, as she gazed at the closed stone casket, in the pit of her stomach. It rolled around, pulling at her insides.

Nuil hadn't slept since they had found him. The nightmares were back. Eurig's face added to the horrors that filled her sleep. Blinking hard again, Nuil curled her hand around the letter within her pocket. It was from her brother Noledhe, demanding that she return home. Nuil couldn't do that, not when they needed her. Not after this.

Her brothers didn't understand. They didn't crave what she craved. A family, peace . . . love. Nuil knew she was world weary, and this was the first place since Erebor that felt like home. Eurig had been the first to welcome her here . . . The parchment crackled as she gripped it tighter. Was this her fault?

Of course not.

But it should have been her. If she had been there sooner . . . fought harder . . . not been so content where she was. Perhaps Eurig could've lived. They all could have, she thought bitterly. Your parents, brothers, Frerin . . . even Eurig.

Nuil waited, as Eurig's family said their farewells. As Dis cried over the tomb, her hand clutching the stone image of Eurig's hand. Her soft whimpers reached Nuil's ears. She lowered her gaze, feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt.

"Don't leave me . . .Eurig . . . we need you . . ."

Fili and Kili stayed at her side the whole time until Thorin pulled them away. He gave them to her, trying to look at her, but Nuil kept her gaze rooted on the floor or at her nephews. She took one of their hands in her own and began to lead them away. Thorin stared after her, watching as Nuil led Fili and Kili out of the newly built catacombs. He returned to his sisters side, wrapping an arm around her shaking shoulders. He knew his sister loved her husband deeply, though Thorin had never really approved of Eurig. But if his sister loved him as deeply as this, to become broken over his death, than Eurig did one thing right by Dis. He loved her, and she him. He gave her two sons.

Thorin only hoped that he could do his best to help Dis raise them. He owed that much to Eurig.

* * *

Fili and Kili were curled up together as Nuil hummed a lullaby to them. She tucked a large blanket around their sleeping forms, brushing their hair from their faces. Her mother used to sing to her when she was this little. But Nuil didn't have her mothers talent for singing, so she hummed it to them, softly whispering the words when the melody went too high for her to hum.

"Over the mountains we will go . . ." she took another breath and hummed, " . . . our home over rivers low . . ." Kili wrapped his arms around Fili, the elder mumbling and blearily looking to his brother before drifting back to sleep. " . . . sleep softly, in the meadows as I carry you home with me . . ."

There was a scuff of a boot from behind her. Nuil straightened, looking up from where she sat on the floor, her arm still stretched towards the little sleeping dwarrow. Thorin entered the room, hands behind his back, his eyes straying from her, following her arm, and to Fili and Kili. For a moment his blue eyes softened, before returning to her and hardening.

Nuil wondered what she had done. Had she made him angry? She knew he was upset over something. The twitch in the corner of his lips told her this, the deep unsettling unhappiness in his eyes.

Slowly he pulled something out from his pocket in his coat. Nuil's eyes followed the crinkled parchment, narrowing at the seal. Her brothers seal.

"Where did you get that?" she asked lowly.

"You were planning on leaving," he merely stated, an edge in his voice. He had been near intolerable since Eurig's death. Always snapping at someone, yelling if need be. Dis would sit for hours in the sitting room, silently working on something. Nuil found it suffocating, the oppressing sadness that permeated the air. Fili and Kili were her only solace and reprieve from the depressing two.

They at least smiled. They laughed, and tried to be happy. They were children, trying to make their mother and uncle happy, trying not to dwell on their loss.

Nuil rose to her feet, marching towards Thorin and brushing past him into the hall. He followed her, shutting the bedroom door with a click. The hall was dark, only the light from the living area allowing them to see each other. Thorin held the letter out to her, which she took, trying hard not to snatch it from him.

"When were you going to tell us?" He demanded. "Or where you not going to tell us at all? We would wake and you would be gone, with only a note to tell of your departure." His fists were clenched and he stared at her with hard eyes, nearly growling. Yet she saw the hurt deep down in those blue eyes.

Nuil took a deep breath fighting with the instinct to reply with a snide remark. "Of course not," Nuil said resting her hands on her hips. "I wasn't even planning on leaving. I had no intention of leaving anytime soon, even if he sent one of my brothers to fetch me. How did you get this anyways? Going through my room?" She raised a challenging brow.

Thorin took a step towards her. "I found it in the sitting room in passing, if you must know," he hissed. "I only sought to know your intentions. If you had left without word it would crush Dis."

"You think I would leave Dis without saying goodbye?" Nuil asked aghast and deeply offended.

"You have before," he sneered. What did he mean, before- _oh_. Nuil's eyes narrowed and white rage boiled up through her. He thought she did that on purpose? He thought that she let herself be nearly crushed to death in that mountain. That she let herself travel through the dark forest of Mirkwood, alone and barely old enough to be on her own.

"How. Dare. You." Shaking she turned away from him, angry with him, at herself, and Noledhe for sending that blasted letter.

"How dare I?" He breathed incredulously. "Do you not want to see you brothers? Surely you feel more inclined to follow them than stay here? You left without saying goodbye, Nuilweyil."

Nuil turned to him. Azanulbizar. Her face crumpled.

"You blame me for the actions of others? Of my brothers?" she breathed. Her shoulders slumped. "You think that I only care for my brothers . . . have I not done enough to earn a place amongst you?" She shook her head. "What of my words, and promises?"

_I would stay by your side to the end of time if Aule permitted it._

Thorin reached out towards her, but hesitated, slowly dropping his hand.

"You cannot spend your whole life here," he murmured. "Our lives are different, you have your own family-"

"Are Fili and Kili not my family also? Is not Dis a sister to me? What of you?" Why was he doing this?

"You are not a dwarf!" he snapped, losing his temper, voice raising.

Nuil sucked in a sharp breath, feeling as if he had dealt a physical blow to her. Not a dwarf? Was that the problem, all this time? She lowered her gaze, hurt beyond belief. Nuil recoiled from him, backing up and distancing herself. Thorin seemed to realize his words too late, reaching towards her, regret shining in his blue eyes.

"Nuilweyil, I did not-"

"You are right," she cut him off. "I'm not a dwarf, I was a fool to think that I ever could have been anything more. Just a wanderer."

"That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean, Thorin?" she asked quietly the sting of tears threatening to fill her eyes.

"We are not your responsibility. You don't have to be here-"

"Even if I want to? Even if I am willing, and dedicated . . . loyal?" Nuil questioned. She could not say what she wanted to say, what her heart told her she should say. It wasn't her place, and it seemed, as if it never would be.

Thorin sighed, looking tired and weary. "I only mean that you should visit your brothers. It has been many years, and you have not seen them . . ."

". . . very well."

* * *

She pressed her palm flat to the cold stone, bowing her head and trying not to let the tears welling in her eyes fall. A deep pain filled her chest, she felt like she was being held under water, her heart ripped out from beneath her ribs. But she was doing this for him.

Always for him.

"Frerin you always knew what to say, to make things better," she murmured tiredly. "It's not the same without you."

Her forehead met the cool stone next as she leaned forward on her knees. She had never really visited her old friend's grave. Too scared of what she would experience or feel. Perhaps guilty that she was so close to his brother. Another pang filled her and she shut her eyes. Both hands now rose to the stone coffin, pressed flat.

"Forgive me."

Nuil took a shuddering breath.

"You were always a brother to me . . . perhaps if you had lived, I would have come to love you."

Her fingers curled into fists and then she pounded one of them against the stone, sending a shooting pain up her arm.

"Nows he's gone, and I have to go. Frerin, I don't want to go."

Another shudder ran over her as she steeled herself, hysteria held at bay for the moment.

"I love them too much. Please, Mahal _help_ me."

With her head bowed against the tomb of her childhood friend, whom she loved and missed, she finally let herself go. The sound of her soft weeping echoed from the dark tomb, and down the lone corridor fading into the night.

* * *

Leaving tore her apart. They cried. Dis weeped as they embraced each other, Fili and Kili clung to her legs, begging, pleading with her to stay. Nuil bended down, taking each of their faces in her hands and pressing a kiss to their brows. Kili rubbed the snot running down his red face with his sleeve, hiccuping.

Wanting nothing more than to tell them she would stay she turned to the bundle beside her.

"These are for you," she said. "So that when you go traveling, you will be protected always." She clasped the large cloaks around their necks, smiling as the wool pooled around their feet. Fili and Kili's faces lit up, and their smiles returned.

"We can travel with you!" Kili cried happily. "When we're big!"

Nuil laughed, ruffling his messy brown hair. "Yes."

She gave one to Dis, and another to Thorin. Face falling she gave Dis another one, pressing it into her friends hands and swallowing.

"I meant it as a gift to him . . ."

Dis clutched it tightly. "He would have loved it."

Thorin escorted her from their home. Silently leading her through the settlement and to the bright world outside the mountain. She paused at the gates, turning to him. After so long, Nuil wasn't sure she was ready to face the world again. To travel alone in the wilds. And for the first time in many years she felt fear towards the prospect of being on her own.

"Thorin," she began, fear shining in her hazel eyes.

She was surprised to be pulled into a tight embrace, one of Thorin's large hands curling around the back of her head and holding her close. Nuil wrapped her arms tightly around his body, breathing in his scent.

Smoke, oak (not surprising), and the smell of earth.

Perfectly Thorin.

He pulled away, pressing his lips to her brow, shutting his eyes tightly as if it pained him that this was happening. Nuil shut her eyes and soaked in the moment. She didn't know when she would see Thorin again. Or Dis, Fili and Kili. There was always the chance that she would never seen them again. She could feel her heart breaking and she wanted nothing more than to beg him to let her stay.

"I love you," he murmured so quietly that she wasn't sure she had heard it at first. With a hand still in her hair, and another on her lower back he pulled her in for a passionate and fiery kiss. When would they have the chance to do this again? She did not know. But she savored it, memorizing the feel of his hands, the softness of his lips. A few stray tears escaped her eyes.

Thorin pulled away, looking down at her, whipping the tears away with his thumb.

"Stay safe."

* * *

**T.A. 2896**

**27 years later . . .**

She was in the Shire again. This time in Hobbiton. It was not unusual for her to receive the stares that followed her wherever she went in the Shire. No, as she wandered through the hillside paths admiring the flowers and the smells of baking food, she noticed that she had a new shadow following her. A few times she would stop suddenly, listen to the sound of surprised breathing, glance over her shoulder and smile.

On her third day in Hobbiton, her shadow finally mustered up the courage to talk to her.

"Es'cuse me!" the little voice called. Nuil glanced down at the little child hobbit at her side. He was practically running to keep up with her. His dark blond curls were covered in tree leaves and sticks. Nuil stopped, giving the poor lad a break.

"Yes?"

"Are you an elf?" he asked quickly, his cheeks coloring as his eyes went down to his little hairy feet.

Nuil laughed slightly, amusement in her eyes. "I am afraid not, little one," she said. She watched his shoulders slump.

"But you're so pretty!"

"I thank you," she hummed appreciatively. It wasn't often that she was told she was pretty. "But I'm not an elf. I am a wanderer and traveler of the land."

His eyes grew big with delight. "Really! I want to be an adventurer too! Can you tell me about it! Have you seen elves? Dwarves? Tall people? What's it like outside the Shire? Are there really mountains that touch the sky? What about wizards? Have you met any wizards?"

Nuil laughed. "Slow down! I shan't be leaving anytime soon." She smiled when the little lad took a deep breath and waited, looking expectantly up at her.

"Now," she hummed brightly. "What may I call you, young sir?"

The little hobbit grinned, straightening his rumpled clothes though it didn't help much, and looked at her proudly.

"I'm Bilbo Baggins!"

* * *

**Thank you to all my lovely reviewers!: _Alu Riversong, uno mega, Comics4theFeels, Lift the Wings, ohmyfickleheart, KingofTruands, Sam0728, The Penned Tekrid, Chilled Souls of the Forgotten, The Slug Club_, and _Guest_. Also a thank you to those who have followed, favorited and readers. :)**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien save for the characters not in his works.**

* * *

**I can't feel the way I did before  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored  
Time won't heal this damage anymore  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored  
**

**~Faint, Linkin Park**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

**T.A. 2941**

**45 years later . . . **

Nuil hummed as she made her way down the lane, her fingers brushing over the tops of the wildflowers growing alongside it. There was a sad sort of melancholic smile on her face. It was a smile she often wore now, but only when she was alone and her mind was left to wander. The sun was setting on the horizon, casting warm orange light over Hobbiton, nestled down at the base of the hills. She could hear mothers calling to their children, supper was approaching.

She opened a gate leading up to the round green door of Bag End. Nuil raised her hand, knuckles poised over the wood when a blue glimmer caught her attention. Pausing she bent down to look at the strange blue mark, realizing with a raise of her brows that it was a dwarven rune.

_Burglar. Work Wanted_.

How odd. What was a dwarven rune doing on Bilbo's door? Surely he wasn't trying it out to see if any dwarves would come this way. That would be very foolish. Bilbo was no burglar. And dwarves did not take kindly to lying, at least they didn't from her experience. With a frown and sigh she knocked on the door before opening it to let herself in.

"I'm back!" she called down the hallway, hanging her cloak up on a hook, and taking off her somewhat muddy boots to spare Bilbo's pristine floors. There was a clatter of dishes from the kitchen before the hobbit in question came out of the sitting room to her left, drying his hands on a dishtowel.

"You're early," he said quickly, but a smile grew on his face. "Hungry? I've put a kettle on and I can throw another fish in the frying pan."

Nuil shook her head, smiling. "I think I'll pass, but thank you. I'm feeling a little under the weather." She was weary, and needed a little sleep, she figured. Nuil knew she wasn't ill, but as of late she had felt . . . older. She hardly looked it, her hair still the same shade of dark brown and she still held her youthful countenance. But her body was feeling it.

Bilbo tutted. "It's all this wandering, you do," he said following her down the main hallway as she worked her way back to the room she resided in. "As long as you have been doing it, I'm surprised this hasn't happened sooner."

"I wouldn't talk Bilbo, you used to join me," she said with a smirk. Bilbo stopped, his cheeks reddening.

"Yes, well, I was very young," he said quickly. "But I came to my senses!" He shook the dishtowel at her. "You're lucky I am friends with you, Baggin's are very respectable folk-"

"-and I'm not," Nuil rolled her eyes. "Don't forget who you are speaking to, _young man_," she teased. Bilbo smiled as she reached her room.

"Well, come join me when you feel up to it. I have things to talk about, with you."

Nuil waved her hand and went into her room, shutting the door behind her. She sighed, rubbing her face and quickly changing into a gray blouse and blue skirt, tossing her dirty tunic and pants down to be washed. Her gaze settled on the door, and she frowned. He wasn't the little hobbit she had once known. With age he had become more like his father. But she did see glimpses of his Tookish blood every now and then. With a grateful sigh she laid down in her bed, letting sleep take her.

* * *

_There was a weight on her shoulder, a chill on her skin as the late night air nipped at her exposed ankles. She turned her head, seeing that her father was there pointing at something in the night sky. Nuil blinked, marveling at his strong face and full beard. His brown eyes glittered under the stars._

"_Papa . . ." she breathed in awe and sadness. She had forgotten what he looked like. _

"_You see that?" he asked. Nuil turned her gaze to the solitary peak of Erebor, a sight she had not seen in many years. Above it, was a arch of bright stars and suddenly she remembered. The Mountain Crown. She gasped slightly._

"_I call it the mountain crown," Nolen told her, his voice full of pride. "It is the Valar's way of showing us that Erebor is tied to everything. It has a place in legend, and will stand forever."_

"_Abad bovan," she murmured. Nolan looked at her questioningly. "It means mountain crown in Khuzdul," she told him. He said the words himself, a smile lingering on his lips. She remembered this, from so long ago . . ._

"_That is fitting don't you think, dear one?" he asked her after some time. Nuil looked up at her father. The same as when she had last seen him. She still admired the gleam of awe in his eyes as he stared up at the stars. The new constellation that he had found. She always knew her father was a strong man, warrior even. She was glad to admire the stillness and softness he exuded at that moment. He was her father, and nothing could change that._

"_Papa . . ."_

_He turned to her then, his eyes sad and solemn. She could see great age within them, great mourning. It hurt her to see such emotion there, when she was so used to seeing strength and power. He seemed to age before her eyes, hunched with time. Was this what he would have looked like had he lived?_

"_My little one," he murmured softly, running his hand through her loose hair. "How you have grown."_

_But she was a child here. Surely that is what he saw?_

"_Meldamar and I have watched you and your brothers," he went on. "We're so proud. So proud." Tears pricked her __eyes, and with wild abandon she flung her arms around him. Taking great comfort in being able to feel his body. He felt warm, but she knew this was a dream. "But so sad . . . dear one, you should not mourn the past."_

_Nuil pulled back slightly, looking up into his face. "Papa I failed you, mama died-"_

"_Hush. It was the will of the Valar, and their will be done."_

"_I spit on their will!" Nuil snapped clenching her jaw. "I wish I had died with you." Nolen frowned, holding her tightly._

"_Do not speak such words," he told her sternly. "If you had died you would not be there for your brothers, nor would you be in Fili and Kili's lives. You would not be in Dis or Thorin's, all whom you love." Nuil deflated, knowing her father was correct. He almost always was. "Do you love him?"_

_Nuil jerked, brows drawing together. _

"_You know of whom I speak," Nolen said. _

_She flushed. Aule, she did not know for sure. Yet her heart told her she did. She was willing to do anything for him, all of them. Nuil did not reply, clenching her jaw shut. She felt for him, but they were different, he a king and she a wandering traveler. So few was the time they could spend with one another. He had his kingly duties to fulfill. Their shared moments were a gift that she cherished, but she did not know if they would last._

"_There are events in motion," Nolen said pulling away from her, "that will affect the course of the world. You are tied it all, but nothing rests upon you. But he is. Should he fail, darkness will rise and Middle Earth will fall. Erebor is tied to everything."_

"_Erebor? Father, Smaug has taken it," Nuil murmured. Nolen smiled, a knowing look entering his eyes._

"_It is time to wake up, little one."_

"_Papa, I don't understand." She clung to the front of his tunic, knowing that he was leaving, but not wanting him to go. Nolen removed himself from her grasp, cupping her cheeks in his hands._

"_We love you."_

"_Papa."_

"_Nuil, wake up."_

"_No, please stay."_

"_Wake up."_

* * *

She woke in darkness, the fire from the hearth burning low. There was no light coming from the window telling her that it was well into the night. Nuil moaned slightly, feeling the ache in her limbs from exhaustion and overexertion. There was noise from beyond her door, and she could hear it growing louder. With a start she realized that it was coming near her door.

Several sets of voices, if she was correct.

What was Bilbo doing? Had he not gone to bed yet?

There was a knock on her door followed by a brief silence.

"Nuil? It's Bilbo, are you alright? May I come in?"

Annoyance for the small hobbit spiked within her. _Just what was he doing?_ She was too tired to even bother replying, choosing instead to roll away from the door and remain silent. If it was danger she hardly cared. The Shire was a safe place, it was not likely that she would be attacked. Nuil just wanted to sleep. She hardly cared for what he wanted to talk to her about, and hoped that he would forgive her just this once.

The voices rose again, and she heard the door click. So he was coming in then. She listened as Bilbo's bare feet hit the floor, and only a shaft of light from the hall showing his face to her when he sat on the bed. His hand reached out and rested on her forehead, a frown pulling at his lips.

"You're warm," he murmured with concern. "Are you unwell?"

"You worry too much," she replied lowly, removing his hand with a flick of her wrist. She was warmed that he was concerned about her, when it should be the other way around. "You didn't tell me you were having guests." At this Bilbo ran a hand nervously through his curly light brown locks, his gaze flicking to the lit doorway.

"Well- they weren't expected," he whispered to her. "And they've eaten everything in the pantry, I'm quite surprised you slept through it all."

"Are you done, Mr. Boggins? We'd like to see her," came a voice from the doorway that Nuil instantly recognized. She sat up suddenly, nearly sending Bilbo to the floor. She caught him, steadying him as he stood with a scowl on his face.

"It's Baggin's," he said annoyed, "and she is my _guest_." Nuil shot him a stern glare and smiled at the two familiar silhouettes in the doorway. She held her arms out to them. There were here! What a surprise!

"Fili, Kili."

"Aunnie!"

"Amadinh!"

The bed dipped suddenly and two dwarves were in her arms, squeezing the life out of her. Nuil wound her hands into their tunics and coats, holding them close while pressing a kiss to the side of their heads respectively. She had visited Ered Luin since her leaving shortly after Eurig's death. She had last seen the two ten summers ago. Kili had been very eager to show her his bow, an odd skill for a dwarf considering that most preferred swords and axes. But it seemed that he was a natural. Fili was quite a proficient sword wielder, using two and nearly besting her even. Imagine that.

They pulled away and Nuil touched their chins, smiling and pleased with what she saw.

"My, how your little ones have grown," she murmured warmly, "Fili your beard has grown, and Kili-" she patted his cheek, knowing that he hated it "-you also have grown. A fine couple of dwarven lads."

Fili grinned at her, the braids on his beard swinging as he moved from the bed, Kili following his example once the flash of annoyance had passed from his features. They looked at her apologetically, but she waved it away and rose to her feet. Bilbo watched the exchange in silence, his mouth slightly agape and his brow furrowed.

"You know each other?" he asked, breaking the silence. Nuil rested her hand on his shoulder and gave it a gently squeeze. She felt a little guilty for having never told him, even though Fili and Kili knew a little of where she had been and what race she resided with. It had just never come up or mentioned.

"Aye," she said. "I have helped raise them since birth. Their mother is a dear friend of mine, and that is where I went ten summers ago."

Bilbo's face fell slightly and he looked away from her. She realized that she had hurt him, not on purpose. How could she not have told him? Nuil caught his chin and raised his face so that she could see his eyes.

Bilbo had always thought that he was special to Nuil. She had been with him since his youngest memories. His mother had even taken a liking to her and the two were almost always in each others company when Nuil was not playing with him.

She had been his childhood companion, when none of the other hobbit children would play with him. But the two dwarves before them were a startling reminder that she had a life before meeting him. A life that she very rarely shared with him.

"Bilbo, do not let this sadden you. I have loved every moment here with you," she said, "I have known many people in my time, but that does not mean you are any less to me than they are."

"Aunnie," Kili asked, brow furrowed as he stared at the two. Nuil raised her gaze to meet his brown eyes. "Is he- uh- he your-" he made a slight face "-husband?"

Fili glanced at his brother, amusement written on his face as Kili clamped his jaw shut. Bilbo spluttered indignantly, and Nuil grinned. Before she could respond Bilbo raised his voice, sounding miffed and quite put out. Nuil could only imagine the state of his home, judging from his reaction.

"Husband!" he pulled on his curly hair. "Indeed not! Nuil is incredibly old-"

"Bilbo!" she exclaimed.

"-and is more of an aunt to me, dare I say mother- though my own mother, bless her, can never be replaced," Bilbo's voice lowered so that he was more talking to himself than them. It rose again, along with his tiny fist, "but that is beside the point! Husband indeed!" Bilbo gave the youngest dwarf a disgusted look.

Kili's face had a tinge of embarrassment added to his cheeks, and he had the grace to look slightly shamefaced while Bilbo quivered in upset anger. Fili clapped his brother on the shoulder with a shake of his head.

"I do believe our uncle would take offense to that, nadad," Fili chuckled. "Aunnie, a wife to a hobbit?" He clicked his teeth together, "uncle would certainly have to impress her to get her back."

"As if," Kili grunted. "Last I saw they were madly in love."

"You never know . . ."

Nuil laughed, throwing her head back and grabbing the three males, pushing them from the room into the lighted hall. She very rarely laughed with such vigor, it surprised the three.

"Aye, how I've missed you," she said to Fili and Kili. She looped her arm through Bilbo's despite his shortness. The hobbit was giving the two brothers a particularly sour look. "Ridiculous as ever."

Fili smirked, looking down the hall to where the sound of voices was coming from. "I believe there is someone that would like to meet you." His smirk turned into a grin as Nuil's brow rose questioningly. But she had a suspicion of who that person already was. Ten years was a long time when in love, she mused silently. Too long.

"Do remind me again why you are here," she said softly, allowing them to lead her down the hall and to the dining room. "Or have you come to carry me away, like you threatened?" Fili's eyes danced with mirth remembering the threat he had given when she had left Ered Luin last. Nuil sighed when her question was met with silence and they rounded the corner, in full view of the dining room. Her eyes landed on a figure, facing aways from her, but one that she would recognize anywhere.

Her heart stopped.

Then began to pound.

* * *

**Sorry this is a little late and a little short. I just couldn't get it to do what I wanted it to do. :( If there's any confusion let me know and I'll try to explain and fix it. This weekend has been SUPER busy. And then school starts this week . . . yay.**

**A lovely thank you to my readers!: uno mega, The Penned Tekrid, Chilled Souls of the Forgotten, Comics4theFeels, Sam0728, xenocanaan, Lunar678 and Guest. You are all amazing and just bring a smile to my face, even after a really sad chapter. Thank you.**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, save for the characters not in his works.**

* * *

**Lived the life so endlessly  
Saw beyond what others see  
I tried to heal your broken heart  
With all that I could  
Will you stay?  
Will you stay away forever?**

**How do I live without the ones I love?**  
**Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned**  
**Place and time always on my mind**  
**I have so much to say but you're so far away**

**~So Far Away, Avenged Sevenfold**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

**T.A. 2941**

**Bag End**

He bent over his soup, eating it silently for a good while, aware of the expectant looks from his kin. The hobbit had disappeared with his nephews in tow, muttering about a friend that had not woken earlier. Thorin did not like this one bit. He glanced at Gandalf in between bites with mild annoyance.

He expected that- that- _hobbit_, to be the burglar?

He was small, weak looking, and had no knowledge of weaponry.

It would be suicide to send the hobbit with them. It would end in misery, he was sure of it. Mr. Baggin's was timid, like a mouse he mused, and would be dead before journey's end that much was certain. He hated to think of that kind of blood on his hands, but it was the reality of the situation. There was no place in the wilds for weakness. It was as good as asking for death.

"What news of the meeting in Ered Luin? Did they all come?" Balin asked breaking the silence at last. Thorin set the small spoon in the bowl, pushing it away. It seemed he would not be eating more tonight, no matter.

"Aye, envoys from all seven kingdoms."

"Ah, all of them!" Balin seemed pleased by this.

"And did the dwarves of the Iron Hills say? Is Dain with us?" Dwalin asked gruffly, watching Thorin intently.

"They will not come," he muttered lowly. His fists clenched in the memory. Dain was a coward. He would not risk the lives of his people to help aid them, even if they were to succeed. And for that, his hatred towards his cousin only grew. Dain had met with him, listened to his words, and flatly rejected him after speaking with his advisors. In bitterness he had left Ered Luin, cursing Dain. "They will not risk it."

Several groans erupted from around the table.

"They say this quest is ours, and ours alone."

He had not noticed how silent it had become, drinking some of the ale set before him when the hobbits voice rose up. Fili and Kili and slid into their seats at the other end of the table, smirking. He eyed them warily, knowing instantly that they were up to something.

"Y-you're going on a quest?"

Thorin turned, gazing at the hobbit with a frown until . . . his eyes landed on her. Many years had passed, but she still was the same woman he remembered. Her hair, usually bound by a braid, was loose and tumbling past her shoulders. The scar on the side of her face was the same as before, if not a little more faded. Thorin felt his heart clench at the sight of her, his breathing freeze from within his chest. The hazel eyes he had grown to adore and admire shone brightly as he gazed at her, the pale skin of her cheeks turning a light shade of pink. Even after all these years, she still responded the same to their sudden meetings.

But the most important question running through his mind at the moment was: Why was she here?

The spell was broken when Gandalf spoke, and Thorin averted his eyes back to the table. His heart was thundering within his chest. Even after all these years . . . it was like he was seeing her for the first time. What was the saying? Time makes the heart grow fonder? Hadn't his father used those same words when speaking of his mother? All he wanted to do was embrace her, but he was surrounded by his kin and this was no time to act on it.

"Bilbo, my lad! Let us have a little more light," Gandalf said. He then pulled something from his robes, spreading it on the table. The hobbit wandered off, and Thorin leaned forward, frowning at the map. "Far to the East, over ranges and rivers, through woodlands and wastelands, lies a single solitary peak," he pointed to the mountain on the map.

"The . . . Lonely Mountain," the hobbit read slowly.

"Aye. Oin has read the portents, and the portents say it is time," Gloin said, nodding emphatically. He raised his mug to his lips and took a swallow of ale as his brother joined in.

"Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain, as it was foretold," Oin added. "When the birds of yore return to Erebor, the reign of the beast will end."

Nuil glanced at Bilbo as he froze in his spot. "Beast? What beast?"

"Well that would be Smaug the Terrible," Bofur said first. Thorin glanced at him, his frown deepening. "Chiefest and greatest calamity of our age. Airborne fire breather, teeth like razors, claws like meat hooks. Extremely fond of precious metals."

"Yes, I know what a dragon is," Bilbo said somewhat agitated and annoyed, his gaze flickering to Nuil. She had told many stories involving dragons in his childhood. Which of course, he loved. But Nuil herself was stiff, eyes glued to Bofur as he spoke, not a trace of a smile on her face. When he spoke of Smaug, all she could picture was the fire, the stench and the heat. All she wanted to do was find some dark, cool corner and take a deep breath. She had to remind herself that she was still in Bilbo's smial, not back in the mountain itself.

"I'm not afraid!" said a young dwarf at the end of the table jumping to his feet. "I'm up for it. I'll give him a taste of dwarvish iron right up his jacksie!" The dwarf next to him pulled him down with a growl as the table erupted in loud murmurs.

"A dragon is not a trifling matter," Nuil spoke raising her voice but remaining calm, despite how she really felt. They silenced, listening as she spoke for the first time. "They are cunning, greedy, and far smarter than any of us may realize." She met each of the dwarrows eyes meaningfully, ending with Thorin who turned his gaze back to the map with a frown. Balin nodded.

"It'll be difficult with an army behind us," he said, "but we number just thirteen. Not thirteen of the best, nor brightest."

Shouts erupted from the table, as the dwarrow present took insult to his words, until Fili slammed his fist down gaining their attention. "We may be few in number, but we're fighters. All of us." He smacked the table, "to the last dwarf!"

"And you forget," Kili added eagerly, "we have a wizard in our company. Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time." It was a rousing little speech, Nuil thought, but it seemed far fetched. Especially when Gandalf began to protest.

"Well, now-"

"How many then?" Dori asked.

"What?"

"How many dragons have you killed?"

Gandalf coughed uncomfortably.

"Go on then, give us a number!" Nuil pressed herself into the wall when they suddenly rose to their feet, yelling at one another and waving their fists. She was used to this kind of behavior, the fights often turning violent, but this was a small enclosed space and Nuil was in no mood to receive any bruises should fists start flying. Thorin watched silently for a moment before rising to his feet and raising his voice above their own.

"No more!"

The dwarrow gathered instantly fell back into their seats, as Thorin stared them down. "If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread, the dragon Smaug has not been seen for sixty years. Eyes look east to the mountain, assessing, wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people lies unprotected, do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor! Du bekar!-" he raised his fist and the company roared, "Du bekar!"

"Do you forget the front gate is sealed," Balin cut in, dampening their spirits and reminding them all that this was no easy feat. Nuil shifted in her spot, not having liked Thorin's words but eager to see where this was going. Everything in her screamed to leave the mountain be, to not tempt the wrath of a dragon. "There is no way into the mountain."

"That my dear Balin, is not entirely true," said Gandalf, a iron key suddenly appearing in his hands. Nuil heard Thorin's breath catch, his blue eyes trained on the key with a look of recognition. Gandalf offered it to Thorin.

"How came you by this?" he breathed.

"It was given to me by your father, Thrain, for safe keeping. It is yours now," Gandalf replied. Thorin took the key with a look of reverence.

"If there is a key, there must be a door," Fili said. Gandalf gave Fili had small half smile and then pointed to the map with his pipe. From what Nuil could see they were runes, Khuzdul.

"These runes speak of a hidden passage to the lower halls."

"There's another way in," Kili clapped his brother on the back smiling gleefully.

"If we can find it," Gandalf said. "Dwarf doors are invisible when closed." He sighed. "The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map, and I do not have the skill to find it. But, there are others in Middle Earth who can," he ended looking at Thorin. "The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth and no small amount of courage."

He looked meaningfully at Bilbo and suddenly Nuil understood why that marking had been on his door earlier. She grit her teeth together, and held her tongue. Just what did this wizard expect? A hobbit, living in the comforts of his smial to just up and leave it, to travel the wilds when he could be sitting by a warm hearth with a full belly?

"But if we are careful and clever, I believe that it can be done."

"That's why we need a burglar!" exclaimed the dwarf who had risen with an exclamation of fearlessness.

"Hm! A good one too," Bilbo said looking at the map and hooking his thumbs in his suspenders. "An expert I'd imagine."

"And are you?" Gloin asked leaning forward.

Bilbo looked behind himself, and frowned. He looked at Gloin in confusion. "Am I what?"

Oin straightened, his ear horn still in his ear. "He said he's an expert!" Several dwarves huffed at his deaf assumption.

"Me? No, no, no! I'm not a burglar," Bilbo said sounding offended. "I've never stolen a thing in my life." Nuil let out a scoff, crossing her arms. _Little liar_. She sent him a look that clearly said, 'what about my throwing knives?' Bilbo pointedly avoided her gaze.

Balin hummed. "I have to agree with Mr. Baggins. He's hardly burglar material."

"Aye, the wild is no place for folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves," Dwalin agreed. Another wave of raised voices went around the room, some upset and others in agreement with the two brothers. The all knew that a burglar was needed, what were they to do if they couldn't get one? Gandalf gave them all an infuriated scowl before he straightened and rose.

The room grew dark and the air felt heavy as they fell silent. Nuil had never had any dealing with wizards before, and shrank away from Gandalf in fright as he suddenly seemed to grow. "Enough! If I say Mr. Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he is." The room lightened as the wizard breathed in a calming breath. "Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most if they choose. And while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of dwarf, the scent of a hobbit is all but unknown to him which gives us a distinct advantage." He turned to Thorin.

"You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company," he said while sitting, "And I have chosen Mr. Baggins. There is a lot more to him than appearances suggest, and he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know, including himself. " He looked at Thorin knowingly.

"You must trust me on this."

"Very well," Thorin said a moment later, biting on his own words. How he hated that the wizard's words seemed right. He certainly wasn't going to make it easy for the little hobbit. He would have to learn how to fend for himself, and earn his own keep. "We'll do it _your_ way."

"No, no," Bilbo tried to object as panic filled his voice. Nuil came forward, entirely displeased with how this was going. Bilbo was under her care, he was her responsibility. She had promised Belladonna to watch over Bilbo.

"Give him the contract."

Balin stood and handed the contract to Thorin, who in turn shoved it roughly into Bilbo's chest. "It's just the usual; summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, and so forth."

"Funeral arrangements?" Bilbo echoed clearly startled and began reading the contract. Nuil watched silently as he read out loud to himself, growing paler with each word. Her gaze was drawn away when Thorin rose from his seat and leaned down to speak so that only Gandalf could hear what he had to say. But she did, and fury swept through her.

"I cannot guarantee his safety."

"Understood."

"Nor will I be responsible for his fate."

Gandalf hesitated, looking at Thorin. "Agreed."

How could Gandalf so easily sign away Bilbo's fate? Throw him off into the wilds and let whatever happens, happen? He was her responsibility, and here was a wizard challenging her promises to a dead friend. Nuil could not let Belladonna down, not like she had with her father. Were Bilbo to die, she would never forgive herself. It would be another life she couldn't protect. More blood on her already dirty hands.

And Thorin! How could he say such a thing?! Had he not seen Bilbo? While she genuinely cared for his safety and welfare, he was wholly unprepared for such a quest. Thorin was just going to sit back and let Bilbo, basically, throw his life away? And a burglar, of all things! This was madness. It had to all be the wizards doing. All him. He must have been the one to even bring up the whole idea.

Nuil would have continued to stew had it not been for Bilbo's alarmed exclamation.

"_Incineration?!_"

"Oh, aye. It'll melt the flesh of your bones in the blink of an eye," Bofur said eagerly. Nuil clenched her jaw, thinking of her parents and brothers.

"You all right, laddie?" Balin asked. Bilbo bent over and took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I'll be. Feel a bit faint." Nuil pushed away from the wall, hovering near him.

"Think furnace, with wings"

"Yeah, I-I-I need air," Bilbo huffed, looking weak. Nuil shot Bofur a glare, not that the dwarf noticed, before resting a gentle hand on Bilbo's shoulder.

"Flash of light, searing pain, then _poof!_ You're nothing more than a pile of ash."

Bilbo took a deep breath trying to steady himself. Looked at them, and then straightened his shoulders. He seemed to come back to himself until, "Nope," he said before going limp. Nuil caught him in her arms, easily, shooting a glare to the dwarf.

"Very helpful, Bofur," Gandalf sighed. With a final cold glance to the dwarves, Nuil lifted Bilbo as best she could and carried him to the sitting room. _They were really helping convince Bilbo by scaring him_, she thought sarcastically.

* * *

**Not sure how I feel about this chapter. This one and the last one I've really struggled with, and I honestly almost deleted ch.20 after I posted it. But the next chapter I'm in love with, so I think it will be okay. For now. Meh. Oh, wow, this is another short chapter. :( Sorry.**

**I kind of followed the movie and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I love the movie, but I don't want to just quote lines word for word. Which I did here. Tell me what you think, I'm open to ideas.**

**Many many many many thank you's to my amazing reviewers: Comics4theFeels, The Penned Tekrid, Sam0728, Just4Me, uno mega, Chilled Souls of the Forgotten, y0ur-DoWnFaLl, and Guest. You all are amazing and I just love hearing from you all. Also thanks to readers, followers and favoriters!**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my characters. J.R.R. Tolkien owns the rest.**

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**"I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you." **

**~Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

**T.A. 2941**

Nuil watched as Bilbo took a sip from the cup of tea she had made him. He seemed much calmer now, but she couldn't help that she was literally hovering in the doorway watching his every move. The wizard, Gandalf, had not spoken a word to her, acting almost as if she was not present. Yet this wizard seemed willing to send Bilbo off into the wilds without a care of his well being.

It was not to be born.

She would not allow it. She made a promise that she intended to keep this time, no matter what. Nuil was not deaf to the mutterings of some of them members of Thorin's company. They didn't seem too impressed by the hobbit. Nor did they want to look after him, or make sure he stayed safe. Of course there were a few kinder views, a few who seemed willing to help. Even Balin had mentioned her joining them, but it had been met with an instant uproar. It was decided very quickly, she was not to come. Nuil scoffed, rolling her eyes.

As if they could stop her.

She had not been raised the way she had been raised to sit at home and be pretty, or ladylike. She was the daughter of Nolen. She had seven brothers, three surviving. As much as they wanted to keep her safe, they would not have her sit at home doing domestic housework until she married and went to do it for a husband. Nuil was sure that her marrying years were over, her future was so clouded that she was unsure of it. She still held her youth in looks, not a gray hair to be seen, but she felt her age acutely.

And Bilbo was a member of her family. A nephew so to speak. Much like a mother would for a child, Nuil would do anything for him. That meant keeping him alive, so coming she was. Thirteen dwarves would not be able to stop her. They could tie her up, but she would still follow them.

Bilbo and Gandalf began speaking, the former becoming agitated and then slowly resigned. Gandalf sat in a chair opposite him. Nuil shut her eyes and took a deep breath. The anger she felt towards the wizard was difficult to dispel. But she did try to do so. Upon opening them she spotted Balin making his way down a hallway, and followed. If any dwarf was to see reason, it was the aged warrior. His protests she had agreed with. They were the most like minded about this quest.

Balin sat on a bench in the hallway, with a sigh.

"Balin," she said as she approached. His eyes shined when he saw her, but he did not rise.

"Lassie," he said smiling. "It has been many years."

"A decade, friend," she replied sitting beside him. Balin shifted slightly.

"A long decade. I barely saw you when you were in Ered Luin," Balin told her. Nuil offered an apologetic smile, she had nothing to excuse herself with.

"I've actually come to speak to you concerning Bilbo-"

"The hafling will not come," said Thorin walking towards them with a scowl on his face, entering their conversation and resting against the wall, crossing his arms. He nodded to Balin before gazing at her silently. Despite her resolve against Bilbo going, she still felt the need to defend him. He may not be of hardy material, but he had a quick wit and a good head. When he chose to use it. She understood that he had his limitations, and didn't look like much, but one could never know with these hobbits.

She had met a few who turned out to be bitter and cynical beings that could make even tough weathered hobbit men cry. The few being Bilbo's relatives, the Sackville-Baggins . . . more importantly his cousin, Lobelia.

But she was getting distracted, and narrowed her eyes at Thorin. Nuil raised her chin.

"You do not know Bilbo," Nuil said, concern entering her voice. "I have watched him grow from a young fauntling, I know his ways."

"Do you."

"What is it that you wished to speak of about? Mr. Baggins?" Balin asked, glancing at Thorin. Nuil's brows drew together a frown on her lips. Yes, that is what she wanted to speak about. But she would have rathered it be alone and without Thorin. As much as she was happy to see him, this was something she didn't want him butting in on. But it seemed that he was, and there was no way around it.

"He is in my care, I am responsible for his safety," she said, keeping her eyes on Balin, "his life was placed into my hands and I must ensure that he remains safe- alive."

"He is not your responsibility," Thorin frowned. He did not understand the protectiveness she showed towards the hobbit. But he now knew that this was where she had been living all those long years. She had always refused to give him answers concerning where she was residing, but he knew now.

"I promised Belladonna, his mother, to watch over him. I do not intend to break that promise," she told him seriously with a stern look directed at him. Ah, he understood now. "If he comes you know I will follow."

"You will not." His eyes gleamed, and his face became dark. He would not risk her life, not for all the gold in Erebor. He was already taking his nephews, and had the company to worry about. Mahal, his nephews. If anything happened to them, Dis would have his head. Nuil was to stay safe. The danger of this venture was too great for him to risk her life, he could not bear the thought of her death. Nuil's eyes flashed with anger but she did not retort. He had no authority over what she could and could not do.

If he wanted that kind of power, he should have married her sooner.

There attention was turned when Bilbo entered the hall walking down and away from them. Nuil knew he was going to his room. He hummed to himself, walking rigidly, a trademark sign that he was unhappy. She frowned as he turned the corner.

"It appears, we have lost our burglar," Balin sighed. "Probably for the best. He would be hard pressed to survived the wilds, let alone make it unscathed." He sighed once more, this time more tiredly. "The odds were always against us. After all, what are we? Merchants, miners, tinkers, toy makers, ha. Hardly the stuff of legend. Not any more." Nuil placed a hand on his arm, a frown marring her face. They _were_ the stuff of legend, they had been through so much. She still saw that in the dwarven race. Even though so few did these days.

"There are a few old warriors amongst us," Thorin said, lips tugging at the corners.

"Old warriors," Balin said tiredly.

"I would take each and every one of these dwarves over an army from the Iron Hills. For when I called upon them, they answered." He stood straight now, a proud edge to his voice. "Loyalty, honor, a willing heart, I can ask no more than that."

Balin stood, suddenly understanding what Thorin was saying. "You don't have to do this. You have a choice. We have settled well. You've done honorably by our people. You have built a new life for us in the Blue Mountains. A life of peace and plenty. A life that is worth more than all the gold in Erebor."

"From my grandfather to my father, this-" he held the key up that Gandalf had given to him "-has come to me. They dreamt of the day when the dwarves of Erebor would reclaim their homeland. My grandfather passed this task to my father. The oath- command, is mine to fulfill." Balin stared at the key sadly.

"There is no choice, Balin." Thorin said before looking at Nuil. A pained look lingering in the depths of his blue eyes. "Not for me."

Balin nodded resignedly. "Then we are with you laddie." He clapped Thorin's arm. "We will see it done." The old dwarf then walked away, leaving Nuil and Thorin together.

Nuil looked up at Thorin sadly, wanting nothing more than to comfort him. But she knew that he didn't need it. Didn't want it. She knew that he did have a choice, but he felt bound by the honor of his father and grandfather. _Oh, Thror, why did you have to be so greedy_, she bemoaned to herself. Nuil wanted nothing more than to see Thorin at peace with his life. This hurt, that affected all of them, remained and had not healed. It lingered like a bad dream, clutching at their lives, a constant reminder of the past.

His eyes turned to her, and her previous thoughts flew out of her mind. Comfort was what he needed.

Slowly she stood and moved before him, searching his face with concerned hazel eyes. There had once been a time where he had smiled freely, she remembered. It had been brief. But, oh, how she wanted that time to return. She wanted to see that smile.

"Thorin-"

"Promise to me that you will not come," he said suddenly, and she sensed an underlying tone of distress in his voice. Nuil saw that he was serious, meaning every word. She saw the softness in his eyes that spoke of the care that he was trying to show her. Nuil shook her head, watching his shoulders slacken, and she felt guilty.

"You know I cannot," she whispered. She raised her hand and rested it on his cheek, feeling him lean into her touch, placing one of his hands over her own. Her thumb rubbed the hairs of his dark beard, feeling the clench of his jaw. Nuil's own fingers grew numb from the warm touch, spreading up her arm. Thorin's hand held hers tightly, before slackening. Nuil slid her hand from his, ghosting over his lips before dropping from him completely.

"I will follow you."

"Nuilweyil."

"I'm not afraid of death, Thorin. I would do anything to fix what can never be undone." To protect you. To protect Fili and Kili. To protect Bilbo. To help reclaim what was once yours. To make you whole. She watched his eyes fill with pain, knowing that she was the cause. Reaching out once more she brushed his jaw lightly before pulling away. Nuil couldn't help but touch him, knowing that this was a rare moment to be had.

Thorin's own hands rose, settling on her shoulders before moving up the slender line of her throat. His calloused hands moving over her smooth skin sent shivers up her spine. Nuil swallowed, but held her hands up to his lips. As his hands halted by her jaw, a thumb on each side of her head resting before her ears, in a grip that tilted her head back so their eyes met, she spoke.

"I will help you reclaim your homeland, Thorin," she murmured, pulse quickening as his thumbs stroked the side of her head. "Though I do not deem it wise, facing a dragon, you have my support." She did not resist him as he pressed closer, her hands still on his lips. "I will follow you, no matter what."

He took one of his hands and moved her hands away from his lips, placing them on his chest over where his heart lay. Silently, watching her, he rested his brow against her own. His eyes shut.

"Mahal help me," he murmured, causing alarm bells to go off in her head. "We are so few, how are we to succeed?" Nuil was frightened by his words. Where was the strong dwarf king she knew? But she knew this side of him, he had never let it speak though. She had seen the doubt in his eyes, the worry. But never had he voiced it. Never to her. Her hands rose to his face, and his eyes opened, searching hers for any sign of condemnation.

"So you try," she said encouragingly. Thorin searched her face for pity. He found none. But Nuil would never call him weak. Never. Never pity him. Ever.

"And to what end do we go?"

"I know not," she whispered in reply. "But as you said before, your company is loyal and willing of heart. They would follow you to whatever end you meet."

"And you?" he questioned softly, gazing into her eyes, watching her hazel orbs intently. He watched a smiled pull at her lips.

"I already told you I would follow you," she murmured, looking at him through her eyelashes. "All the way across Middle Earth and past the Sundering Seas." Nuil watched as his gaze darkened. She only had a moment to breath before he pressed his lips fiercely to hers. A fire filled her veins, and she relished it. Nuil leaned against him, losing herself in the kiss, winding her hands in his dark hair as one of his own clutched at her waist tightly.

They could spend hours together, doing nothing but spending time in silence at each others sides. Nuil enjoyed those still moments, but their kisses . . . she enjoyed the most. Ten years since their last meeting and she still felt as if this was new to her. But never had they gone farther than the standards of propriety. He was a king, and she had been raised well. They had duties. But her mind wandered, to a someday. A someday when she could be his wife.

A someday where they were happy and not plagued by what they faced now. But this was the present, and there was little time for dreaming. Nuil loved him. Yes. Had life been different, maybe they would have been wed by now. But they weren't, so she took what she could receive and gave the same in return. Love.

She broke away, pressing a lingering but chaste kiss to the side of his lips, feeling the pounding of his heart under her hands. Thorin turned her face up, hooking a finger beneath her chin.

"Honor, loyalty-"

"And a willing heart," she murmured, watching as his eyes shined at her words. Tenderness filled his face. A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. Her own were red and swollen from his administrations.

"So willing," Thorin said quietly, brushing a hand through her loose hair, "is there anything you wouldn't do?" Nuil gazed at him thoughtfully for a moment, before slowly pulling out of his comfortable embrace. She still felt the warmth of his body lingering on her. Raising her hands to his lips, she took a deep breath, a sad look crossing her face. For a moment Thorin thought he had upset her, but then a bittersweet look filled her face and she pressed her lips to his once more.

Thorin wanted to ask her why she was so solemn, when only a few short moments ago she seemed happy. But he would rather have these moments, alone in the darkened corners of a hallway, knowing of what lay ahead of them, than nothing. She gave his troubled and worried thoughts a calm that he could only find in her comforting words. Nuil pulled away, stepping away from him as her fingers lingered on his chest, slipping away as she spoke:

"I would die for you."

* * *

Thorin watched her walk away from him. She disappeared down the hall in the direction that the hobbit had taken. Her words shook him to his core. He had spoken of loyalty, honor, and a willing heart, but never did he expect those words to come from her. He knew she loved him, and he her. And whenever she spoke of her devotion it awoke something in him, a thunderous creature in his chest that demanded her kiss her.

But her words were of unwavering devotion.

They shook him.

More than her regular words of love.

Her assurity was resolute, truly meant. There was no lie in her eyes. And it pained him, knowing that she would willingly throw her life away for his. The more he went over her words, the more the ill feeling in the pit of his stomach grew. If she were to die, it would be the end of him. At least when she was away he knew where she was or that she was alive.

He had been completely surprised to see her here. But a part of him was glad.

A heavy weight settled in his chest, and though he was glad to see her well, he wished she had never known. Yet her words earlier had soothed his fears about this quest, for now at least.

* * *

Their voices filled the night, echoing through Bad End. Nuil lay in her bed, facing the window. She was sure that Bilbo was still up. But instead of dwelling on the hobbit she listened. A deep harmony that would bring any who had survived the ordeal with Smaug to tears. Her eyes slowly closed, as the song weaved itself into her dreams, of fire and death.

'_Far over, the Misty Mountains cold_

_To dungeons deep and caverns old_

_We must away, ere break of day_

_To find our long forgotten gold_

_The pines were roaring, on the height_

_The winds were moaning, in the night_

_The fire was red, it flaming spread_

_The trees like torches, blazed with light'_

* * *

**The beginning of this chapter was a little hard to write, but I think the middle smoothed out a little bit. I'm trying to change some of the dialogue to that it doesn't follow the movie too terribly much. But I mainly kept it that same here with a few added words or phrases. Hopefully I'll get better as I go along. I had to add the song because I love it too much, and it's one of my favorite moments. :P Tell me if anything doesn't make sense!**

**Thank you to my reviewers!: _Just4Me, The Penned Tekrid, Chilled Souls of the Forgotten, Sam0728, and Guest:_(since I can't PM you) um, good point. I guess I'm missing stuff like that the more I try to get this out. Wasn't very well thought out there, was it? When this portion is over, I'll go back and flush that part a bit. Thanks!**

**Also school starts for me tomorrow, so the next update will have to be on Saturday. Sorry, but I won't have all day to write anymore. :'( Next chapter they will hit the road, so it won't be as boring as this was. **

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: J.R.R. Tolkien owns all save for the characters not in his works.**

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**I'll follow you down through the eye of the storm**  
**Don't worry I'll keep you warm.**  
**I'll follow you down while we're passing through space**  
**I don't care if we fall from grace**  
**I'll follow you...**

**If I could find assurance to leave you behind**  
**I know my better half would fade**  
**I'll follow you down.**

_******~I'll Follow You, Shinedown**_

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

**T.A. 2941**

The morning was bright and cool, as expected from early spring. The sun had barely just risen, but she had been awake far longer. Sleep did not come easy, and she had been packing since rising from fretful dreams. Her pack pay on the bed beside her, full and ready. Nuil gazed around the room sadly, knowing that it may be the last time she may ever see it.

Protecting four people, all who had a high likelihood of dying, boded ill for her chances of survival. Nuil did not mourn this though, she was rather resigned to it. She was old, far younger than her brothers, but still old. They would mourn her passing, but she had lived a good life . . . as good a life as she could have considering the circumstances. She meant what she had said to Thorin the night before.

Perhaps she did live to see Erebor restored to its former glory, and Thorin reunite his people. What would she do then? He was a king, he would be pressed to marry and raise an heir. Even if Fili was his heir already. It would be expected of Thorin to settle with a wife. She would not be the choice of his advisers, that she knew. Nuil was tolerated by the dwarves. Tolerated.

But a small part of her hoped, and dreamed.

With a sigh, she rose from the bed. She left the room without a backwards glance and made her way down the hall to the round front door. Nuil could hear the snoring of the dwarves from the living room. As she passed she could see several bundles, some with feet poking out from the bottoms of blankets, others half laying on each other. She could see Kili laying on his brother, feet propped up on Bofur's stomach. It brought a smile to her face.

Thorin was nowhere in sight, so she assumed he had taken a guest room. It didn't surprise her, but she did want to at least say goodbye for the time being. Nuil would not have woken of course, merely given him a parting kiss, putting his sleeping face to memory. But there was no time for that, no matter how much she wanted to. Pulling on her cloak she turned the latch on the green round door and met the cool morning air.

Birds were already singing as she descended Bilbo's garden to the gate and lane. Nuil made sure to lock it, resting her hands on wood. With one last glance at Bag End she walked away. Disappearing into the small gathering of trees beyond the hill.

* * *

Bilbo ran as fast as his feet would carry him, the contract flapping wildly in his hands. His pack bounced with every stride he made. He breathed hard as he crested yet another hill. _She had left him!_ Nuil had left, without so much as a simple goodbye or letter. Bilbo was slightly hurt by that little detail. He figured that perhaps she was with the company. She was a traveler, and he had heard of her many adventures when he was a child. He admired her.

Perhaps he could have his own adventure with her? It was the thought that had made him leave his hole, running like a wild fauntling across the rolling hills and smials as his neighbors called out to him. He very well simply couldn't lie to them when they inquired after where he was going and his response had many of his fellows cringing.

Had be not been in such a rush, Bilbo would have worried about what they thought of him. He was after all a respectable hobbit.

Finally he came to the company, running down through the grove of trees. "Wait! Wait!" He jumped over a fallen branch, waving his arms madly. "Wait!"

They stopped, watching as he breathlessly halted beside Balin's pony. He took several deep breaths to collect himself. "I did it! I'm coming," Bilbo panted as passed the contract to Balin, smiling to the others a bit proudly. His eyes swept over them, looking for a familiar brown hair and kind face. Balin raise his brows as he read Bilbo's handwriting.

"Well, everything seems to be in order. Welcome to the company of Thorin Oakenshield, Mr. Baggins," he said. Bilbo nodded, catching the utterly sour look Thorin was giving him. For the life of him, Bilbo couldn't understand what he had done to make the dwarf leader so upset with him.

"Give him a pony."

"Oh, no, I can walk. I rather like walking."

"Move out."

Bilbo began to walk, wanting to be nowhere near a pony, only to be yanked into the air suddenly. He yelped, finding himself on the back of a rather spirited pony before he could blink. Kili and Fili flashed him wide grins.

"There you are, little cousin!" Kili announced.

"Cousin?!"

"Aye," said Fili. "You are Aunnie's nephew also."

"Aunnie?" Bilbo echoed.

"Aunt," Fili corrected. "It seems that I could not say it correctly when I was little, and the name stuck. She never corrects it."

"Well, she should!" Bilbo sputtered. He was very particular about proper names and spellings and all that what-not. 'Aunnie' was hardly appropriate. Kili laughed at his disgruntled face.

"Lighten up, burglar!"

"I'm- I'm not a burglar!" he yelled as the two rode ahead laughing. First they ransack his pantry, and now they were laughing at him!

"My dear Bilbo, you are a burglar. You signed the contract," Gandalf told him coming to his side. "Don't mind them. They are young in the years of their people, and it is rare to find such joviality."

"I thought Nuil was with you," Bilbo said changing the subject. He didn't want to talk about dwarves at the moment. He'd had enough to last him, thank you very much. His brow furrowed with worry as his thoughts turned to his friend. The wizard smacked his lips thoughtfully, looking as if he didn't want to speak.

"She left in the early hours of the morning," Gandalf said carefully. "Her whereabouts are entirely unknown."

"Oh." Bilbo was a little dispirited by this, hoping that she was to be here. But is seemed she really had left without saying goodbye. Part of him had hoped that she would be here, waiting. He had thought that she left without saying goodbye just to get him to come. Apparently he was wrong. Bilbo sighed watching as the dwarves began throwing bags of clinking metal to one another. He realized that it was money.

"What's all that about?" he asked the wizard, brows pulling together.

"Oh, they took wages on whether or not you'd turn up."

"I see," Bilbo said shoulders slumping. But they sank lower when Gandalf went on.

"Most of them bet that you wouldn't."

"And what did you think?"

In response a bag was thrown to Gandalf. He chuckled before putting it in his bags. "My dear fellow, I never doubted you for a second."

Bilbo hummed, glad that the wizard had some confidence in him seeing as so few of the dwarves did, before a great sneeze tore through him. He searched his pockets for his usual handkerchief, feeling that he had to sneeze again, finding that he didn't have any. With dread he realized that he had forgotten them back in Bag End. Confound it all.

He should never have left his smial. As his stomach rumbled he was reminded that he could've been enjoying second breakfast at that moment. Bilbo sneezed again, cursing slightly, before looking up.

He voice his need and was rebuked, rather laughingly, and thrown a rag from Bofur's cloak. With disgust but seeing that they would not be turning back, he silently pocketed the nasty rag.

"You'll have to manage without pocket handkerchiefs, and a good many other things, Bilbo Baggins," Gandalf said thoughtfully when the commotion had died down, "before we reach our journey's end. You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers of the Shire. But home is now behind you, the world is ahead."

* * *

She followed the company, keeping up with their pace surprisingly well. Nuil knew that once they reached open lands their pace would quicken, and she would lag behind. But it should be only a day at least. For now she had the comfort of seeing Bilbo and the others. Even if by nightfall her legs ached from walking the whole way. Her time spent in one place, growing at ease with the luxuries of life had made her soft. Far softer than she realized.

It was mainly uneventful for her, left with her own thoughts as company and the steady growing aches in her legs. Bilbo seemed to be in good hands at the moment. Kili and Fili had even gone as far as calling him 'cousin'. Nuil smiled, they truly were treasures. She was in the trees alongside them, careful to stay out of sight. She knew if Thorin saw her he would be very displeased.

Nuil knew that he loved her. Wanted her safety, but he also knew that she wouldn't be left behind.

So he took his annoyance and anger at not being able to hinder her out on the hobbit. Thorin had done nothing but glare at Bilbo the moment he had come running after them. She stood for a moment, gazing at his back as he rode. Her heart clenched painfully, sorrow and frustration filling her. He was strong and proud, loyal and the best dwarf she had ever known. But he really was thickheaded. He should know that even if Bilbo had stayed behind she would still follow. Taking a deep breath, Nuil moved her feet, following.

They traveled all day, out from the calm rolling hills of the Shire, to the long stretches of wild where there were few passing travelers to be seen. True to Nuil's belief, she began to lag behind. Once they had reached more open road Thorin had picked up the pace. She was near running at some points to keep them within her line of sight, which meant that she could always see them in the distance.

When nightfall fell, the company camped on a high ridge with a strong outcropping of rocks overlooking the forest covered terrain around them. Nuil made it to their camp an hour after they had, and found that supper had been made and they were settling in for the night. She stayed in the shadows, watching as she pulled bread from her pack and ate silently. Nuil watched as several members of the company began to settle down for the night, drifting to sleep. Fili and Kili were left to tend the fire. The elder smoking his pipe while the younger worked on fashioning himself more arrows. Gandalf lay against the rocks, smoking his own pipe. Thorin rested near his nephews, arms crossed and eyes closed. He looked peaceful, which she wished he looked more often. But he was hardly anywhere near sleep, holding himself rigidly.

Bilbo tossed and turned for a good hour before he finally rose to his feet, with a disgruntled look. Nuil followed him with her eyes as he went to his pony, Myrtle if she was remembering correctly, feeding it an apple. He spoke to his pony softly, and she smiled. It looked like Bilbo had finally warmed up to the animal even after his earlier complaints. He really could be a little over dramatic at times when pushed outside his comfort. She was slowly beginning to see the more Tookish side of him, faintly but shining through.

A screech tore through the air.

Nuil stiffened, gazing out over the land and gripping the hilt of her sword tightly. An orc or an animal, one of the two, she hardly cared. It still sounded dangerous, but far enough away to not be an imminent threat. Bilbo looked at Fili and Kili with alarm written on his face.

"What was that?" he asked, voice rising.

Kili looked out and then at Bilbo a deadly serious glint in his eyes. "Orcs."

"_Orcs?!"_

Thorin jerked awake, opening his eyes immediately alert. Nuil felt a chill rising up her spine, as old memories threatened to resurface. She turned a glare on the two, even though she didn't mean it wholeheartedly, and they could not see her. Bilbo looked positively terrified as they went on.

"Throat cutters," Fili said. "There'll be dozens of them. The lone-lands will be crawling with them."

"They strike in the wee small hours when everyone's asleep," Kili added glancing around as if checking for the orcs. "Quick and quiet, no screams. Just lots of blood." Bilbo looked back out over the land and Kili shared a smile with his brother. _Why those little whelps. Teasing_ Bilbo and making fun out of something that was serious. Thorin saw their exchange a dark look crossing his face as he approached them.

"You think that's funny?" he growled. "You think a night raid by orcs is a joke?"

Kili's face fell, knowing that he had done something to upset his uncle, "we didn't mean anything by it."

"No." Thorin snapped. "You didn't. You know nothing of the world." He walked away from them towards the cliff and facing the open land. Nuil felt her heart twinge painfully at the sadness that underlined his voice. Only she had heard it. They stared after him shamefaced and Bilbo looked on in shock. Balin rose and approached the reprimanded dwarrow.

"Don't mind him, laddie," Balin sighed leaning against the rock. "Thorin had more cause than most to hate orcs. After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain, King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient Dwarf kingdom of Moria. But our enemy got there first. Moria had been taken by legions of orcs led by the most vile of all their race: Azog the Defiler. The giant Gundabad orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He began by beheading the king. Thror, Thorin's grandfather had entered Khazad-dum hoping to take back some of our sacred halls, bring wealth to our people. But in the dark he was tortured, his head carven into with the words 'AZOG' and thrown back out for us to find." Nuil shuddered from where she sat, remembering the horror she felt when she had learned of Thror's fate. He had held a dear place in her heart, and she had never had the chance to tell him goodbye. But hate filled her, learning of the late kings death and what the orcs had done to his body.

"Thrain, Thorin's father was driven mad with grief and declared war on Azog. We fought, but we were few in number. Thousands of orcs, it seemed, dwelled in our ancient halls, rising out and replacing their own even before we had slew them. Defeat and death were upon us." Balin looked up, a glint in his eye.

Nuil pressed her fist to her mouth, remembering all too well Azanulbizar. The deaths were too many. And as the years had passed, she had learned to _try_ and move on. Yet hearing Balin's recounting sent tremors through her and Nuil was sure that if she were to open her mouth she would make a sound and be found out. She glared at her feet, wondering why she was affected so, with such intensity after all these long years. Balin's voice drew her back from her musings and she listened, though she no longer wished to.

"That is when I saw him. A young dwarf prince facing down the pale orc. He stood alone, against this terrible foe. His armor rent, wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield. Azog the Defiler, learned that day that the line of Durin, would not be so easily broken."

Nuil shut her eyes, knowing that Balin's words were not entirely true. Frerin had died that day, there was one that Azog had killed. She clenched her fists, forcing herself to listen to the rest of the tale. She knew it all, but remembering it- was difficult. Even after all these years.

"Our forces rallied, and drove the orcs back. Our enemy had been defeated. But there was no feast nor song that night. Four our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived." Balin's voice caught and he shared a look with his brother, Dwalin. Unbeknowest to Nuil, the brothers had lost their father, Fundin, in that battle. Balin looked away first clearing his throat, returning his gaze to Thorin's back with a look of determination. "And I thought to myself then, there is one who I could follow. There is one, I could call king."

"And the pale orc, what happened to him?" Bilbo asked, after a pause. Kili was opening gaping at his uncle, while Fili seemed to be trying to straighten his shoulders, a motion that was more to give off the confidence that he wanted to feel and shake the overwhelming burden of responsibility that was soon to rest on his own shoulders.

"He slunk back into the hole whence he came," Thorin said returning to the camp. "That filth died of his wounds long ago." He turned away from them, unaware of the look shared between Balin and Gandalf. But Bilbo wasn't done with his questions. His eyes startlingly clear and intent.

"And Nuil? She mentioned Azanulbizar from her past . . ." his voice grew quiet. "She was there, wasn't she?"

Balin sighed, "aye, laddie."

Bilbo took a deep breath, sitting back and oblivious to the stare that he was receiving from Thorin and his nephews. The three knew she hardly brought up her past, making the hobbits knowledge of it a surprise. Nuil bit the inside of her cheek. She had mentioned Azanulbizar in one of her tales, unprepared for his keen interest and had been forced to divulge one too many things. He was always asking her questions.

"Do you- do you know what happened to her, there?" he went on unable to curb his curiosity. "I never could get her to explain."

"Aunnie doesn't talk about those things," Kili said speaking up. "She never has."

"If she doesn't tell you herself, you will never know," Fili added solemnly. Thorin remained quiet, even when Bilbo's curious gaze settled on him. The hobbit knew that Thorin knew what had happened with her, but he wasn't about to tell him. As far as Thorin knew, she was probably watching them this very moment. It was her story to tell, not his.

"Get some rest, Master Baggins," he said instead. "We leave early in the morning."

Nothing else was said that night. Save for Thorin looking into the trees surrounding their camp, with eyes full of worry. Little did he know that Nuil sat just a few feet from him, watching as he looked for her. She would show herself, just not yet. How she wanted to, to save him from his worry. In the shadows she opened her lips, but no sound came out as she mouthed three simple words: 'I love you.'

And somehow, Thorin knew.

* * *

**First can I say, what a week! Whew! I never realized how busy I was until now. This is the first time in several days that I've been able to get on a computer. Going, going, going. Hope this chapter makes sense, it sort of jumps around a bit, so hopefully it's not too hard to follow. Let me know.**

**Special thanks to my reviewers!: _uno mega, Chilled Souls of the Forgotten, The Penned Tekrid, Just4Me, Sam0728, and Comics4theFeels_. Your input really helps! And thanks to my readers and followers as well!**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: J.R.R. Tolkien owns all the works save for the characters not in his story.**

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**"all of those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain"**

**~Blade Runner**

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

**T.A. 2941**

The weather took a turn after a few fair days of travel and finally arrived one morning. Dark clouds rolled in and a steady stream of rain followed for most of the day. Poor Bilbo had not brought a cloak with him and was utterly soaked to the bone within minutes of the first droplets. She was glad that he was toward the back of the company and when his pony took a fancy to a spot of flowers, slipped her cloak into one of his saddlebags without his notice.

Bilbo discovered the mostly dry cloak that evening when they stopped, staring at it in a very puzzled manner before gratefully pulling it around his shoulders. It was much too large for his short stature, but it kept the water from him as he curled up to sleep. She watched the company from the shadows as they settled down for the night.

Gloin and Oin had trouble starting a fire and the first night was spent without a warm supper and the steady drip, drip, of water droplets falling from the leaves. Nuil curled up around the base of a tree, watching them settle down. She was tucked away in the shadow with no possibility of being seen or found. But there was one who still watched.

Thorin stood looking into the trees, a crease between his brows, blue eyes searching the trees. Just like he had before on the outcropping of rocks a few days prior. Nuil knew he was looking for her. She had told him that she would follow; he was expecting her to show herself. Which she would not do. She would do without the comforts of camp for as long as possible, not only to make the company happy, but also to stay out of the way. They didn't need her now. Not yet.

He opened his mouth to say something, but then snapped it shut as he glanced at the dwarves surrounding him. Nuil knew he wanted to speak with her, wanted to, but couldn't. She did too. So near. It would be easy too. But she had made a choice and she would stand by it. He would just need to understand. So she stayed where she was. Thorin sighed. Clenching his jaw he sat on a log at the edge of camp, lighting his pipe and taking first watch.

Satisfied, Nuil shut her eyes and slept.

* * *

The next morning was dull and gray. Dew covered everything, leaving the dwarves wet and in foul moods as Thorin called for them to move again. A quite tasteless breakfast followed and they were riding again. Bilbo looked quite miserable, and felt it too. He was only glad that he had found the cloak he wore. It had kept him warm through the chilled night. Which he was grateful for.

Didn't mean he was in any better of a mood.

Fili and Kili rode beside him all through the morning, casting him strange looks. Fili was frowning while Kili tilted his head to the side, eyes narrowed. They would look away briefly before turning their eyes to him again. It was like they recognized something, but were unsure about it. Bilbo sighed, pulling the cloak tight against his cold body. Couldn't they bother anyone else?

"What is it?" he asked them, annoyance lacing his voice.

"Where did you get that?" Kili asked, frowning. "You did not have it yesterday."

"I found it in my pack," Bilbo replied stiffly and a bit defensively, "must have forgotten that I brought it." Fili snorted, not believing his words. Bilbo felt slightly insulted that he didn't. He didn't steal it, that was for certain. Though he was the company 'burglar' he wasn't really one at all. Bilbo was still questioning the reasoning behind Gandalf's intentions when he was given that title.

"It's not yours though," Fili mused, "much too large." He shared a glance with his brother before pulling his pony closer and picking up the hem of the cloak, looking at it closely.

"Excuse me!"

Fili's brows shot up into his hairline. "Mahal! This is Aunnie's. But how did you get it?" he said incredulously. He cast his blue eyes around the road. Kili sat up straighter following Fili's example. They both seemed warmed by the fact that it was Nuil's cloak. Bilbo couldn't help the bitter resentment towards the two for their close ties with the woman. For most of his life, Bilbo had thought that Nuil had only him. That perhaps . . . he was special to her.

"You don't think she is following us?" Kili asked Fili, eyes bright with excitement. Fili gave a slow nod.

"Aye, that would make sense." He glanced at Bilbo. "Aunnie seems to be following you cousin." His lips parted in a smile.

What? Nuil had come? Bilbo whipped his head around searching for any sign of her. Would she be walking behind them, or traveling ahead? Fili clapped him on the shoulder, nearly sending Bilbo to the muddy ground from the force.

"She won't show herself, if there's one thing we know about Aunnie, it's that she will remain hidden until she wants to be found," he told him.

"Perhaps that is why uncle is in such a foul mood," Kili whispered leaning closer to his brother to not be overheard. But Thorin was all the way at the head of the company. Fili smiled at his brother. Bilbo watched the two with his mouth slightly agape.

_Plop._

A fat raindrop landed on his head, and he looking up, feeling more hit his face. _Bother it all, not more rain._ Bilbo groaned and lifted the hood of Nuil's cloak over his head. Fili and Kili grimaced, doing the same with their own.

"Looks like there will be no fire tonight either," Fili sighed despairingly. Bilbo deflated, slumping in his saddle. Oh, why did he leave his warm chair and fireplace. He could be eating a fine dinner right now. Not shivering to death in the wilds.

* * *

It rained most of the afternoon. Nuil was glad that Bilbo had her cloak, even if it meant that she was soaked to the bone. She shivered slightly, but she was used to the exposure. And she was healthy. The downpour became torrential at one point, making the dirt beneath her feet turn to mud. It sucked at her boots, pulling her down and slowing her progress. It was above her ankles in some parts of the road.

She was nearly two miles behind the company now.

Hopefully they would stay safe till she caught up with them.

She had overheard Bilbo and her nephews earlier that day, and was glad that Kili and Fili thought she was following them. It was not hard to see how happy the knowledge made them, and how relieved Bilbo looked. Nuil brushed the wet strands of hair escaping her braid from her face. A tired breath left her lips. The rain was letting up, that was one relief. Near nightfall the rain had stopped enough to allow a welcomed reprieve. Hopefully it would not rain through the night.

Nuil didn't mind the rain, it was just that she now had no protection from the elements. She could handle it, she knew. Bilbo needed her cloak more, that's all that mattered.

Huffing she tried to pick up her pace, hoping that maybe tonight she would get to enjoy some warmth of a fire. Sneak into camp when they had all gone to sleep and warm by the coals. . . it sounded very nice. She came to a bridge not long before the sun went down. The Hoarwell River, if she remembered correctly. It was swollen from the rain, rushing past and carrying debris in its murky waters. The banks had risen a good several feet.

But the bridge was crossable. Mostly.

Little tiny rivers of water ran over the stone bridge, the only thing keeping her from the rushing river. If she were to take one step off the bridge, or stray near the edge she could be swept away with the current. It was dangerous crossing it, and she wondered why the company had crossed it. Thorin must have realized that there was a risk to crossing such a large body of water, especially with a company of fourteen and a wizard. He must be determined to get as far as possible, she thought.

The mud was up to her knees, caked and dried by the time she came to their camp. Nuil knew she would have to wash it off, and did not enjoy the idea of going back down to the river. In fact, she did not like where the company's camp was either. Too close to the river. But perhaps it was better for them to sleep on dry ground. It was not what she would have chosen. Nuil would have picked high ground, that way if it rained again it would not all sit in the camp. Or the river rise and wash them away.

Nevertheless, she sat at the base of a tree and sighed. She was tired and grateful for the rest. It felt nice to stretch her legs after the grueling day of walking through mud. Nuil shut her eyes, but only for a moment. She just needed to rest. Her mind began to wander.

"Stop it!"

"Don't let it get away!"

Nuil jerked, eyes snapping open as the camp came alive. She saw a pony bolting off into the trees, Fili and Kili running after it. She frowned, watching before she realized where the pony was running towards.

The river.

Surging to her feet she took off after them, running through the camp as she followed. Several alarmed shouts rose after her but she disappeared through the trees. Low foliage whipped at her face and arms, scratching and cutting as she left the safety of the trees. The river bank was roaring with water. River rocks shifted under her feet as she kept running.

Kili was grabbing the pony's bridle, while Fili was trying to calm it. But their near frantic actions only made the animal even more agitated. The pony jerked, rising up and ripping the bridle from Kili's grasp. Kili stumbled, trying to avoid the pony's hooves. Fili grabbed the saddle, where supplies were still strapped onto, forcing the pony back down.

Then the pony bucked, knocking Kili into the water. A yell escaped Nuil's lips as Kili disappeared into the dark rushing water. His arms broke the surface as he was swept downstream. Fili made to move after Kili, but the pony gave another whinny, stumbling into the water. Fili, tried pulling it back out, knowing that the food supply was on the pony. But his eyes were on the figure in the water, desperately trying to keep his head up and calling for help. Fili wasn't paying attention. It only took a moment for the water to pull the pony in.

And with the pony, Fili also.

"No!"

* * *

**Yeah. A short chapter. I did try and make it longer, but it didn't work out and I am upset about that. But the next one is longer, and it's basically a second parter to this one. Can anyone tell me where I'm getting the next part of my plot line from? :) Trying to update as often as possible, because I do have up to chapter 35 written, but I have school and homework. Which I totally blew off tonight to do this.**

**To my lovely reviewers! Just imagine me giving you all a batch of freshly baked cookies: _Fangirlatyourservice, Sam0728, Just4Me, Chilled Souls of the Forgotten_. And a thank you to my readers and followers! I just looked and I have over 100 reviews to this story, and it's only to chapter 24. That's never happened to me before! :)**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: J.R.R. Tolkien owns all, save for the characters and other things not in his works.**

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**Clouds are comin  
Air get's heavy  
Looks like trouble on a rainy day  
Sun starts sinking  
Can't see my shadow  
Looks like trouble on a rainy day  
Holes uncovered  
Walls will crumble  
All spells trouble on a rainy day**

**~Rainy Day, Guster**

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE**

**T.A. 2941**

**Somewhere along the Hoarwell River . . .**

His limbs shook slightly under the strain of the rushing water. His fingers clinging desperately to the rock that was the only thing between him and the rapids. It was no easy feat, for the rock was slick with the water splashing up from the river. Fili raised his eyes once more to scan his surroundings, looking for any sign of his brother. The sky was nearly black now, making the river look dark and ominous.

Mahal, he hoped they found Kili.

Then him.

The water lapped at his chest, soaking him to the bone in frigid icy water. His feet were so cold he could no longer feel them any longer. Fili grit his teeth to keep his teeth from clattering together. Squeezing his eyes shut Fili tried not to think about the water or the weakness seeping into his arms.

He tried to think of Thorin. His uncle would be strong in this situation. His uncle would look for a way out, a path to take. He wished his uncle was here. Everything was always easier when Thorin was around.

Now that Fili was on his own, the startling lack of people frightened him. Fili always had someone. Kili or Thorin. Even his mother and Dwalin on occasion. At the moment, he was utterly alone. Fili lifted his head once more. Using what energy he had left, Fili strained, trying to pull himself from the water. He gasped as his side spasmed, pain shooting through his chest. His fingers almost slid from the rock, but he managed to hold on.

Barely.

If he didn't get out of the river soon he was going to freeze to death or drown.

"Help! Please . . ." he managed to yell above the roar of the river. "Thorin!" He listened for a moment, hoping that he was heard. But other than the roar of the river he heard nothing. He really was alone. Fili sighed, resting his head against the rock, eyes drifting shut. Rest, that's all he needed. His mind wandered as the river lulled him to sleep, but he didn't dream, no. Not quite.

But there was a mountain, covered in a cloud of mist. Dark rain, and the cry of a woman. He thought it was Erebor, vaguely remembering the tales he had been told as a young dwarfling. But it wasn't. It was a long chain of mountain. It was the crack of lightning in this odd dream that brought him back to the river.

There was the sound of feet scuffing against rock, pebbles splashing into water. Fili's eyes fluttered open lazily. It was pitch black, the sky shining with glittering stars. He had drifted far longer than he thought. He was really shaking now, arms trembling and his fingers had cramped up. Hope flared in his chest slightly, and he threw caution to the wind. If it was orcs, perhaps they would end his torture in the river anyways.

"Thorin?" he croaked.

A flame filled his line of vision, a torch, he realized a moment later as it was jammed into a crevice in the rock. Two hands reached out, grabbing him under his arms and hauling him upwards. His savior grunted, under the strain of his weight.

"You're heavier than I remember."

The voice, he recognized. His tired eyes flew open, not focusing as he breathed, "Aunnie."

"Aye, mimel ze," she murmured kindly, laying him on his back on the riverbed. He shivered violently, the cool air worsening his condition.

"You- c-came," he said, very happy to see her. He never expected to see her, let alone have her pull him from the river. One of her tiny calloused hands pressed against his lips. Her hand was so amazingly warm, he thought slowly.

"Shh, little one. Sleep."

He obeyed, slipping eagerly back into blissful darkness. Fili dreamed of torches, a kind familiar face and a soft lullaby he hadn't heard in years.

* * *

"You think he'll be alright?" came a worried voice near him, sounding muffled but very much like his brother, Kili. Fili breathed in deeply, feeling wondrously warm and comfortable. The biting cold no longer bothered him and it was a relief. A very welcome relief.

"Fili will be fine, Kili," came the deep reply of his uncle. Thorin! He was there! A firm and weathered hand settled on his chest, and Fili knew it was Thorin's. Fili fought the bleary sleep that was trying to pull him back into unconsciousness and opened his eyes slowly.

He was met with a warm glow from a fire not far away from him, and Thorin's face peering down at him with relief. A small smile curled on his uncle's lips, and soon Kili's face came into his line of vision. Fili felt instantly relieved, even if Kili looked like a drowned rat, shivering slightly. Fili reached out and tugged on some of his loose, damp hair fondly.

"You look cold," he said quietly.

Kili shrugged, putting a hand on his chest. "I'll be fine. It's you who has the blue lips."

"How do you feel?" Thorin asked. Fili frowned, stretching from beneath the cloaks piled on top of him. His legs were a little cold, his chest hurt. He had been stripped of his wet clothing, finding that he was only in a pair of pants. His chest had been bound, but he hadn't remembered being wounded.

". . . sore."

"Aye, laddie," Oin said drawing near. "Broken and bruised ribs from being tossed about that river. You're lucky she found you when she did."

Fili remembered. Aunnie. She had pulled him out. Where was she? He needed to see her, thank her and . . . just know she was there. She always made him feel safe. When he was little he loved being in her arms and earning smiles from her. She made everything right. He tried to sit up, only to be held down by Thorin and Kili.

"Aunnie? Is she-" Fili began looking to his uncle eagerly. Thorin's lips twisted into a sad and almost bitter smile. One that Fili didn't understand. Surely he would be glad that she was with them once more?

"She's here," he replied quietly. "Sleeping."

"She carried you all the way here!" Kili told him with amazement in his voice. "You had to have been several miles downriver! Now, she was dragging your feet, but she still carried you. Aunnie is so small . . . I never knew she had it in her."

Fili's brows drew together in worry. Aunnie had carried him? Why would she do that? He had heard her say he was heavier than she remembered. Surely she hadn't been- why? Kili shifted closer. Fili could see he was shaking a little bit more, and knew that he had given up warm cloaks for him.

"Is she all right?" Fili asked. Thorin clenched his jaw but nodded.

"Just tired, sleeping. As you should be," Thorin told him. He patted his shoulder before rising and moving away. Kili scooted closer and Fili lifted the cloaks. His younger brother instantly settled down next to him, letting out a sigh of relief. Fili felt his little brother wrap his hand around his own. Kili turned towards him, remarkably warmer.

"I'm glad you are all right."

* * *

Thorin settled down next to his bedroll, pressing his back against the boulder behind him. He watched Kili climb under the pile of cloaks with Fili. Both were exhausted and cold. Their food was all but gone, along with the pony. They were foolish, but he understood the reasoning. The food was needed, and now they had nothing. He had thirteen dwarves to feed, a hobbit, wizard and ponies. Though the last group could eat whatever grew along the roads.

Then there was Nuil.

Gloin and a few others were not at all happy that she was here. He was surprised that Balin, of all of the dwarrow present, was against her. They usually agreed with one another, much to his irritation. Thorin wanted her to be here, at least where he could see her and know she was safe. Nuil could fend for herself, he knew. But it worried him when he didn't know where she was.

He rested his hand against her head, winding his fingers through her loose hair. The soft brown strands parted for his fingers, his thumb stroking her cheek over the faded white scar that ran from her eyebrow to her jaw. Not even the scar could mar her beauty in his eyes. Even if she was beardless. He shut his eyes and leaned his head against the boulder. Perhaps he could keep her with the company, just to keep an eye on her.

He woke sometime in the early hours of the next morning when he felt a blanket draped across his body. Stirring he saw Nuil give him a gentle smile. Her hand rested on his cheek. Thorin leaned into her touch, allowing himself this one pleasure, he grabbed her hand when she tried to pull away.

"You should rest," he murmured quietly. Thorin could see the dark bags under her hazel eyes. She would be lying if she told him she was fine. Nuil's lips curled.

"I have to go do some things."

"No, you don't," he replied, gripping her hand even tighter.

"Sleep, Thorin, I will be near," Nuil said with a hint of a smile in her eyes. He could not fight her, Thorin felt his will caving at her gentle command. Still fighting it, his eyes slid shut. He felt her press her lips to his brow and then she was gone. He drifted for a moment, fighting to remain awake and follow her. But sleep won out and he faded into nothingness.

* * *

The next morning, no one was expecting to have a very good meal, let alone anything decent to eat. They were pleasantly surprised to find several rabbits set around the fire, which had been fed and was blazing brightly. Bombur exclaimed happily as he skinned the rabbits that he was the most happiest dwarf in the world. Not long after Nuil entered the camp.

She did not expect the round of 'thank you's' and 'bless you, lassie's' to be given and paused uncertainly at the edge of camp. Kili came to her side, in dry clothes, offering her a plate of freshly cooked meat with a grin.

"For you, Aunnie," he said.

"Thank you, Kili," Nuil replied taking the plate. He took her arm and led her to where his uncle sat, grinning as he left the two. Thorin looked up from his own portion nodding to her. It was the only 'good morning' he was willing to give at the moment. They ate silently while the others began to pack up the camp. Fili rose stiffly, helped back into his dry clothes by Kili, and joined their silent meal.

"How do you feel?" Nuil asked him, searching his face intently. Fili rolled his shoulders and gave her a smile.

"Worn but well, thank you, Aunnie," he said. Nuil hummed, her cheeks coloring slightly.

"Should I receive any more praise, I think I shall cease to lend my hand," Nuil murmured. Thorin grunted.

"It is justly given, Nuilweyil," Thorin told her, settling his full gaze on her. Nuil looked away, her face reddening further. Thorin glanced at his grinning nephews, sending them a firm glare until they averted their eyes. He placed one of his hands over hers, holding it softly. "You have my deepest gratitude."

"Stop it, Thorin," Nuil murmured a hint of laughter in her voice. She looked at him. Nuil loved how he held her hand, how gentle he was with her, despite his rough demeanor. She knew he would never bring harm to her or any he cared for, no matter how angry he was. Nuil only wished she could hold him and let him know how grateful she was to have him.

She wanted that moment back from Bad End, to have him all to herself. She wanted to tell him of the fear that had filled her, watching her nephews fall into that river, and the hours it took before she found them. She wanted him to enfold her in his arms.

_Don't be a fool_, she chided herself, _he has more important things to worry about than you._

"You should go," Nuil said, giving his hand a squeeze. Thorin began to protest, but she held her hand to his lips, silencing him. Standing she gave him one final endearing smile before pulling away and going to a wide-eyed eager hobbit. Thorin watched her, finding that he was doing such an action often, before looking to his nephews. The two had wide smiles stretched across their faces, from ear to ear.

He raised a challenging brow to them.

"We were wondering, Uncle," Fili said.

"When Aunnie would really become our aunt," Kili finished. Their brows raised as if to say 'you know what we mean'. Thorin growled at them, rising to his feet.

"That is none of your concern, get ready to leave."

* * *

Nuil cupped Bilbo's cheek, looking down at him. He seemed a little tired and weary, but not ill. Which was very good. He held her cloak tightly in his hands, wrapped around his shoulders still like a blanket meant to comfort.

"How goes it?" she asked.

"I miss my hole," Bilbo said honestly. "The weather is terrible and I'm constantly cold, though I must thank you for lending me your cloak. Once we find somewhere that I can purchase my own-" a frown marred his face "-you know, I quite forgot to bring money."

Nuil laughed. "That is quite alright, my dear. I have plenty to give to you," Bilbo opened his mouth to protest but she raised a hand, "and you will have gold to spare once this journey is over. I will collect then."

Bilbo beamed at her.

"I had thought you had abandoned me," he murmured suddenly, ducking his head in embarrassment. "It seems you were always looking out for me."

"Well, I hope I should be. Besides, it was not my intention to abandon you. I knew you would come," Nuil told him. Bilbo brightened slightly.

"Will you travel with us today? I would so love to speak with you."

Nuil ruffled his blond curls. "I am sorry to disappoint, but there is still opposition to my joining the company."

"I see no opposition from Thorin."

Nuil flushed. "Bilbo," she sighed, "it is not his approval I seek, but the whole company's. I do not wish for any of them to be at odds with their leader."

"Should they not respect his wishes, if he is their leader?"

Ah, very astute Bilbo. She smiled fondly. "Aye. But it does not mean that they don't always agree. I would rather have them all want me to be a member, than grudgingly allow me." Bilbo's face fell and she patted his shoulder, noticing Thorin rise from across the clearing and begin to get the others moving. "But I will be right behind you, don't you fear."

* * *

**Hopefully everything makes sense, if not, let me know. I will be doing a Major Edit of this story once I finish the first part. So everything will be fixed, eventually.**

**Thank you to my lovely reviewers!: The Penned Tekrid, Fangirlatyourservice, Chilled Souls of the Forgotten, Sam0728, Just4Me, totaliny, Lillianpost, and RALover89. You are amazing and well . . . I can't hug you, so imagine me hugging you. That sounded better in my head. Also thank you to my readers, and followers! Hope you are enjoying the story!**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien save for the characters and events not in his works.**

* * *

**Personal responsibility  
Personal responsibility  
Personal responsibility  
Personal responsibility**

**~Archive, Bullet**

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX  
T.A. 2941**

True to her word, once they set out again she melted back into the land, following, but not joining the company. Bilbo would glance back every-so often hoping to catch a glimpse of her, only to see nothing. Sometimes he even wondered if she really was following them at all. One time he looked over his shoulder, he fancied that he saw her in the distance, a dark shape moving after them. Gandalf was always quick to divert his attention from doing this too often.

Nearing a week of on-and-off rain, the company had had quite enough. The cloak Nuil had lent to Bilbo was soaked and only weighing him down on his pony. The hood helped when the wind picked up and carried the cold droplets, but the water still ran down his face from the top of his head. He dreaded to think of how Nuil was faring. She had no cloak.

The company had not seen the woman since her last appearance, and it grated on their leaders nerves. It made him furious when he had found out Nuil had given her cloak to the hobbit. _Foolish woman_, he growled to himself. She would catch a cold and be ill, and they would never know. Didn't she know that she was just like them? She wasn't above the elements, nor was she a master of them. Thorin would admit, grudgingly, that he had been short with the hobbit ever since this was revealed to him. But it was Master Baggins own stupidity that had been the cause.

The rain became worse around midday. They were all miserable.

"Here, Mr. Gandalf!" cried Dori. "Can't you do something about this deluge?"

"It is raining master dwarf, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done," Gandalf replied his voice laced with annoyance. "If you wish to change the weather you should find yourself another wizard."

"Are there any?" Bilbo asked curiously when Dori grumpily slumped back into his saddle without another word.

"What?"

"Other wizards."

"There are five of us. The greatest of our order is Saruman, the white. Then there are the two blue wizards-" he paused slightly, "-you know I've quite forgotten their names."

Bilbo nodded. "And who is the fifth?"

"That would be Radagast the brown."

"Is he a great wizard, or more like you?"

Gandalf was silent for a moment, seeming to chew on the words that he wanted to say but knew he couldn't. Finally he spoke, his voice carefully calm and seemingly bright. "I think Radagast is a great wizard in his own way. He is a gentle soul, who prefers the company of animals to others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forestlands to the East. And a good thing too, for always evil will look to find a foothold in this world."

Bilbo nodded. "Ah." He leaned back into the saddle, giving Myrtle an affectionate pat and turning his gaze to the woods. It was not long before his thoughts turned back to his cozy hearth and dry home.

"What do you mean you have forgotten their names?" Kili asked as he spurred his pony ahead to near the wizard. Everything about wizards was foreign to him, they seemed so odd and so strange. While he respected Gandalf a great deal, there was just something about them that seemed off. Perhaps it was Gandalf's overgrown eyebrows, and mysterious ways. It wasn't strange for a dwarf like himself to be a little leery of the wizard. Dwarves were always suspicious of new and strange things.

Gandalf looked over his shoulder, giving the young dwarf a thoughtful gaze. For Kili was by far, the most willing to ask him things that he didn't understand. The rest of the company usually grumbled under their breath about what they didn't understand, or take insult.

"Why, my lad, it is not that I don't know their names, for I once could recall them quite well," said Gandalf. "It is that I have not seen them for many long years, and as with time, many things can pass out of knowledge. I am sure once I meet them I would remember their names quite well."

"How old are you, exactly?" Kili asked, raising his eyebrows. He fully expected the wizard to only be about three hundred years old. However Gandalf pressed his lips together and didn't respond, looking ahead with a frown on his face. "Well? It can't be that long since you last saw them? Maybe age has caught up with you!"

"Kili!" Thorin barked from ahead as the wizard turned in his saddle looking miffed. "Enough."

Kili slumped in his saddle. "I was only curious."

Thorin nearly rolled his eyes. Nearly. He scowled at his nephew. Thorin almost sent him a kinder look, taking pity on the dejection written across Kili's face, until he caught the smile pulling at the corners of his lips. _The little whelp._ It was the same look he had shared with Fili that night on the outcropping of rocks, when they had teased their burglar about orcs. He turned, looking ahead, slightly exasperated, slightly amused.

* * *

_Thorin looked up from his chair in the comfort of his home in Ered Luin. The heavy tome in his hands seemed to grow heavier as sleep threatened to take him. But his eyes landed on Nuil, Fili tugging at her skirt as she was sewing, silently spending the evening with him. She paused looking down to the young lad, a smile easily coming to her face. _

"_Fili?"_

_Her voice was gentle, never raised at the boy unless he was up to something mischievous. It was late at night and Thorin could not understand why he was awake. He had been put to bed a good hour ago. Dis would be very displeased to find out her eldest was bothering her friend- his aunt._

_Fili's face was pinched, with fear and he looked on the verge of tears. Thorin caught the worried glance she cast over at him. Fili's blue eyes were full of emotion and brimming with unshed tears. As quickly as the smile had appeared on Nuil's face, it vanished replaced by a look of alarm._

"_Fili? What's wrong, mimel ze?"_

_Instead of replying he raised his arms up to her, biting his lip and turning his back to Thorin. Nuil's worried face turned to one of alarm and she pulled Fili up into her lap, cradling him to her chest. Thorin shut his book, looking to her for any sign that he was needed. He was not a fool, he could see his nephew shaking in her arms, small noises coming from him. The lad was crying. His face buried in the crook of her neck. _

"_Shhh, dear one, I am here," she said soothingly to him. Her hand rubbed his back as his tiny hands fisted into the front of her blouse. "Hush."_

"_A-Aunnie," Fili raised his head to look at her after several minutes of weeping. His voice shook and he wiped his nose with his sleeve. "Amadinh, I dreamed you left us. You never came back."_

"_Is this what has caused these tears, mimel ze?" she questioned her eyes filling with shame. Thorin swallowed, knowing that his nephew was dreaming of the night he had told Nuil to leave. It was his fault, not hers that Fili was crying. Slowly Fili nodded, sniffling pitifully. _

_Nuil pulled him to her, clutching him so tightly that Thorin was surprised the little lad didn't cry out. Her warm brown eyes fluttered over to glance at Thorin's briefly, he could see the wetness in them._

"_I will never leave you, thakul mimel ze," she said before kissing the top of his golden hair. "Ever." Fili's arms wrapped around her neck and he lifted himself up to kiss her cheek, close to the edge of her mouth._

"_Azyung zu, Aunnie," Fili said quietly. She gave him a smile._

"_Azyung zu, mimel ze."_

* * *

He blinked, dispelling the memory from his mind as he turned to look back over the company. His blue eyes swept over his dwarves, taking in their appearances. He was glad that the rain had stopped early that morning. After nearly two weeks of being wet and cold, the reprieve was welcomed and it showed. Bofur was laughing at something said between him and the hobbit. Thorin noted that Nuil's cloak was still wrapped around his shoulders. He had seen that same action so many times before . . .

* * *

_He opened the door, exhausted from his day of work. It was not the straining work of a smith, hammering at iron and steel by hot furnaces, but it felt like it. Negotiating trade agreements, peace talks with neighboring villages . . . he was not suited for it. He was meant for the battle fields, and wars, not sitting in a room all day making peace and tolerating the preening and simpering lords who met with him._

_Thorin stumbled, catching himself by shooting out a hand to support himself. Looking down at his feet he was pleasantly surprised to find his two nephews piled on top of each other, sleeping. Kili was pressed against Fili's chest, mouth hanging open and his hands curled around the cloak enveloping them._

_He felt his heart warm at the sight. They had waited for him._

_Bending down he lifted Kili into his arms. The lad let out a whine of protest, still firmly gripping the cloak. With a jolt of surprise he recognized the stitch work. Nuil's gift to them, the cloaks. It was Fili's, the golden embroidery glimmering in the faint light. Swallowing he lifted Fili into his arms, careful to keep the cloak within their grasps. _

_It had only been a few months since her departure. But it felt like ages. Her presence was missed, it was like a great hole had open up in their lives. It made the loss of Eurig even more painful. Thorin was constantly expecting her to be standing in the doorway of his study when he was up late working, with her body leaning against the door frame, arms crossed and intently watching him. Her chair at the dinner table was empty. He longed to speak with her again, hear her voice and taste the sweetness of her lips._

_Thorin shook his head, gazing down at his nephews in his arms as they slumbered on. Kissing their heads he made his way to their room, setting them down in Kili's bed. They seemed to be inseparable, and he didn't have the will to part them. Kili curled up next to his brother, a hand coming to rest on his golden haired siblings braids. Thorin tucked the cloak around them. He put a hand on each of their heads and stared at them for a moment. Taking in their innocence, their peaceful faces. Then he pulled away._

* * *

He sighed.

Slowly his gaze alighted in his nephews. Fili sat in his saddle with a calm look on his face, gazing around at the flatlands intently. He looked back at his brother, a small smile tugging his lips. Kili was slumped over in his saddle, eyes shut and sleeping. Fili held the reigns of his pony, guiding him while Kili slept, snoring softly.

They reminded him of his brother, Frerin. Like Fili and Kili, they had shared a strong bond. In their early years, when they were barely able to lift a battle axe or raise a hammer, he and Frerin had been like bread and butter. Over time, their duties had pulled them apart, but they still had that bond. A lump rose in Thorin's throat but he quickly swallowed it. It was the past, there was nothing he could do. Thorin turned his gaze out over the land, thinking. He heard laughter from the company, but paid little attention.

When he reclaimed Erebor. That Lonely Mountain that he so desperately wanted to restore his people to. To have them stand tall and proud once more, to be respected and admired by all. He wanted the glory, he wanted to make his father and grandfather proud. Fulfill their dreams.

But what of his own dreams? A part of his mind questioned. Wasn't he entitled to some happiness? Did he not have a right to make himself happy? He knew it was his duty, to his kin and people. His duty as King. Yet he wanted what he had dreamed of for years, his own happiness. When all this was over and done, perhaps he would be given that chance.

His gaze turned to the land, wondering and secretly hoping.

"What's that?" cried one of the company. Thorin stiffened, turning. It was Ori who had spoken. His hand was pointing at something coming towards them from the northeast. It was in the distance, moving fast. Thorin turned his pony, Minty, narrowing his eyes.

Kili jerked awake, blinking and rubbing his eyes as Fili drew closer to him. Gandalf frowned.

"It is on a horse," he murmured.

"What do we do?" cried Dori, panic in his voice. Several other murmurs joined his. Thorin grit his teeth. Of all the things that could happen-

"Move, there is cover ahead!"

The dwarves urged their ponies into a fast canter, over the flatlands. The beasts breathed heavily from the sudden exertion, some neighing with protest as they neared the edge of the wooded land before them. The rider was still following and gaining. Gandalf wheeled around.

"Into the trees! Be silent!" he commanded. Thorin glared at the wizard but the company did as he said, disappearing into the trees while Gandalf rode out to meet the rider. He scowled darkly, wondering what the wizard was up to. They watched as the horses slowed and whomever it was speak with Gandalf.

Thorin pressed his lips into a thin line, watching the exchange carefully. Dwalin came to his side.

"What do ya' think it is?" he asked gruffly.

"A spy, perhaps," Thorin growled. It could be any number of things, it could even kill their wizard and then what were they to do? His hand went to the hilt of his sword gripping it tightly while his other reached for his ax. Finally Gandalf turned towards them, leading the rider towards them. The company stiffened. Several yards before the trees the rider stopped and Gandalf called out.

"It is all right! He is a friend," Gandalf said. They looked to one another and then to the wizard, clearly not trusting of his words.

They slowly emerged from the trees, riding their ponies and giving the stranger wary and unfriendly glares. His clothing was dirty, covered in dirt and stains from things they really didn't want to know. Thorin found his appearance oddly familiar, brown hair and brown eyes strong nose and restless gaze. It almost reminded him of . . .

The man gave him a respectful nod.

"Hail, Thorin son of Thrain, son of Thror, King under the Mountain," he said once they had pulled their ponies to a halt. His company rested their eyes on him, shifting in their saddles warily. "It has been many long years since we last met."

"Nogoth, son of Nolen," Thorin inclined his head stiffly. "Indeed it has." He frowned then. "What brings you to these lands?" At this Nogoth nodded slightly.

"My sister often roams these lands," he said with a faint smile, "she is the only one who traverses them frequently, and my brothers bird has not been able to find her. Mayhaps you have seen her? She is often in the company of dwarves."

Thorin narrowed his eyes slightly. "How did you find us?"

"A vendor in Bree mentioned a group of dwarves passing through, followed by a woman resembling my sister," Nogoth replied. "It is not hard to follow a trail, though the rain has made it difficult. I lost her tracks shortly after the rain began, I had hoped she would be with you."

Alarm shot through Thorin. Lost her tracks? Did that mean she was not following them any more? He had known that she would not enter their camp again after the incident with the river, but he had at least hoped she would come and speak with him when the watch was on his shift.

Gandalf cleared his throat. "I believe your sister is still following us, Master Nogoth. If you stay with us, you may speak with her at nightfall."

"Why is she not with you?" Nogoth demanded, eyes narrowing at Thorin. "Why does she not have a pony, or travel with your company?"

Thorin grit his teeth together, furious that he was asking him these questions. He had no right. He knew nothing of the situation, nor what Nuil was planning or intended. Not that Thorin himself, truly knew all of what Nuil was doing. Dwalin huffed, muttering under his breath as Fili and Kili began to talk to each animatedly.

Gandalf sighed, seeing that Thorin and Nogoth were at a stalemate. Neither willing to speak or answer one another. "Come, let us find a camp for the night. Then we will begin our discussion, once a little food is in our bellies."

Bombur declared that that was a good idea and spurred his pony onwards. The company and Nogoth trailed after Gandalf and the fat dwarf, with Thorin bringing up the rear like a thunderous storm cloud.

* * *

**Yeah. I know, LONG wait. I sincerely apologize. My life has gotten insane. Since the last chapter, I had to get stitches after an accident at practice, my teachers thought it was okay to give me tons of homework, had that really annoying summer/fall cold going around, and my brother is on the computer 24/7. Ugh. **

**I will also admit that I hit the dreaded writers block with this story. This chapter was so hard for me to edit because I got stuck on the one I am currently writing and I had a nightmare that Nuil turned into a MarySue(which is ridiculous), but also a little bit true. So I've sort of been avoiding this story and working on others, which I know is not cool. Plus I've realized that I'm not explaining things that well, and I'm trying to fix it, and make everything make sense. This probably doesn't make sense (fisting my hair and banging head against table). Writer Problems. **

**Thank you to my awesome reviewers,: RALover89, Comics4theFeels, The Penned Tekrid, Chilled Souls of the Forgotten, Sam0728, and Just4Me. I'll try to make things clearer and just better when I explain things in the story. I'm pretty bad at just glossing over information and not explaining. Without you all this story would probably be a whole lot worse.**

**As always, Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien except for the characters not in his works!**

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**"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you." **

**~Friedrich Nietzsche**

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN**

**T.A. 2941**

Nuil rested a hand on the trunk of the tree beside her. Utterly spent and exhausted. She would have loved to show herself to the company, but she could name several dwarves, and a hobbit, who would be alarmed by her appearance. During the past week she had slipped and fallen into the mud, coating her whole front. Nuil had done her best to clean if off, but she could still feel it caked to her.

She was absolutely positive that there were bags under her eyes, not from the lack of sleep, but from the toll the company's pace was taking. Her legs ached, and her feet burned. It was like she was a hundred years younger and learning how to wield a blade for the first time again. With her free hand she whipped her brow and raised her eyes to the camp.

The dwarves were gathered around the fire, blazing, as Bombur fixed super. Gandalf was sitting among them, smoking his pipe along with Thorin and another whom she felt herself stiffen at seeing.

It couldn't be, could it?

Slowly she released a breath and straightened her tunic from underneath the dirty jerkin she wore. The dried mud cracked in the folds of her clothing, turning to dust. Grimacing, Nuil brushed what could be brushed off from herself. She would need to bathe soon. Her eyes landed on the figure talking to Thorin, and she knew that he was only there for her. Hiding would just have to wait, it seemed. Quietly she approached the edge of the camp and stood just outside the shadows but stepped no further. She waited for them to notice her, holding her tongue.

It was Kili who saw her fist.

"Aunnie!" he cried jumping to his feet and rushing to her side. He flung his arms around her nearly knocking her back into the trees. Nuil staggered, and the young dwarf quickly let go, his hand firmly holding her upright. Her brother had risen from where he sat beside Thorin, a firm frown etched upon his face. Thorin's gaze was on her, eyes narrowed. "We were worried."

Nuil pulled back and smiled. "Just a little slow, I'm afraid."

Thorin rose, and unlike her brother, approached her. His footsteps deliberate and steady as he crossed the camp to her. The dirt and small rocks crunching beneath his boots. All the while her brothers gaze followed the dwarf, untrustingly. Thorin paused at her side.

"We need to speak," -he cast a glance to his nephew- "alone," he said. Kili ducked his head and hurried back over to Fili who gave her a bright smile. Nuil offered them one of her own, before returning her eyes to Thorin. His lips were pressed into a thin line, the tall tale sign that he was displeased. Without a word Thorin stalked past her and back into the shadow of the trees. Nuil looked to her brother, their gazes somewhat detached and empty, before she turned and followed him.

Nuil entered the trees, blindly following after Thorin. Whatever had happened in her absence had not been good. She could feel it. There was a certain aloofness in her brother that unnerved her. She had expected him to rise and greet her, like they usually did. But he did not, merely looking at her. No, not at her. Through her. Something was not right with her brother.

So caught up in her thoughts, Nuil did not see Thorin until she was grabbed and pinned to a tree. Her hand shot out and made contact with a face, eliciting a grunt of pain. Nuil gasped, but was held more firmly to the tree. A strong arm held a firm grip on her right shoulder, but she made no move.

"What was that for?" she hissed. "You nearly scared me half to death."

"Well, you struck me, I would say we're even," came Thorin's aggravated voice. He raised his head holding his nose, while giving her a fierce glare. Nuil scowled at him. He released his nose and now held both her shoulders firmly in his strong hands. Nuil could see blood trickling down from his nose and felt a well of guilt rise within her.

"Forgive me," she murmured, whipping the blood away with her thumb. He sighed, eyes softening. But he was still stiff and angry, Nuil could feel it in the set of his shoulders as he hands came to rest there.

"Did you tell your brother where we were going?" he asked. Nuil frowned.

"I have told no one anything, I have not spoken with my brothers since last autumn," she replied with confusion in her voice. "I don't understand how he found you. I was surprised."

"You told no one?" he asked, watching her reaction intently.

"Do you think I would?" Nuil replied harshly, almost spitting her next words. "Have none of my words meant anything?"

"It does not explain to me why he is here, and why is insists on accusing me-"

"Accusing you?" she cut in gently as his voice rose.

"He seems to feel entitled to anything he wishes to know," Thorin growled. Nuil's brow furrowed.

"He is only worried."

Thorin raise a brow. Almost mockingly. She sighed wearily. Nuil rested her hands on his chest, and though he could not feel the heat of her touch, he could feel the weight of her hands. She was leaning on him. Looking closely he realized that she looked spent. Her eyes were glassy and she trembled slightly. He rubbed the fabric of her tunic between his fingers, noticing the gritty texture. She smelled like the earth.

"Nuilweyil," he breathed lifting her chin with his hand. "Are you unwell?" His other hand left her shoulders and pressed against the skin of her cheek, moving to her forehead. She was slightly warmer than he would have liked. Her breath caught and his eyes flickered toward her lips, remembering . . .

She pushed his hands away. "I'm fine, Thorin."

"No, you're not."

"Look, I will speak to Nogoth-"

"Nuilweyil, you are warm," he pressed.

"I said I was fine!" she insisted hotly. "The sooner I speak to Nogoth the sooner I may rest." He reached for her again, but she brushed his hands away and left, walking back towards the camp. He stared after her with a frown playing across his face.

Mahal, she was stubborn.

* * *

"Why is it that you're here, Nogoth," she asked as they sat beside each other. The company glanced towards them every-so-often as they muttered to one another. Gandalf watched the siblings in silence. "Surely Noledhe could have sent a missive by bird."

Nogoth gripped her hands tightly. His face was impassive.

"It couldn't find you and this is of the most important nature," he replied. As he said these words, Thorin emerged from the trees looking sour as he crossed the camp to join them. He sat on Nuil's other side, pulling a pipe from his coat silently.

Nuil's brows drew together. "What is it?"

"Nedoheen spotted an- unusual sighting from the Ettenmoors about two fortnights ago," Nogoth said keeping his voice low enough so that the other members of the company couldn't overhear them. "You know trolls live in there-"

"I am well aware of that fact," she replied miffed.

"-and they have been spotted," he went on ignoring her, "migrating south."

"Migrating south?" she murmured with concern. Gandalf's pipe lowered and he gazed at the two thoughtfully.

"Trolls have not been South since a darker power ruled these lands," Gandalf muttered darkly.

Nogoth nodded. "Precisely. I've come to warn you, little sister. Noledhe wanted you to return home, and I am of the same mind." He stood suddenly, releasing his hold on her hands and holding himself proudly. "Come sister."

Nuil shot to her feet, hazel eyes regarding her brother with carefully contained anger. Her hands clenched, which Nogoth saw and Thorin and Gandalf as well. Her lips pressed into a thin line, and while she stood a good several inches shorter than him, stared him down. Nogoth shifted slightly, his gaze not wavering from her own.

"You cannot tell me what to do, brother," she finally uttered in a voice so low Thorin was almost uncertain he had heard it. "You haven't been able to do so in _many_ years."

"So you would stay?" he asked in disbelief. "They care nothing for you! Look at you! You're exhausted, and-" he waved his hands at her "-covered in mud. I see the hobbit with your cloak, so do not tell me you have been dry for these past days. You would have fallen ill and died on the road and they would never be the wiser."

"That is untrue!" she snapped, eyes blazing. "I am here."

"Yes," Nogoth replied with a sour note in his voice. "But would they offer you shelter, feed you, nurse you back to health? They would sooner leave you than have to wait on you. I'm no fool to not see that they are heading East." His dark gaze landed on Thorin, full of loathing and disgust.

Thorin glared at Nogoth, a few choice words coming to mind that he would've liked to use on the man had he not been Nuil's elder brother. His fists clenched tightly until they were white, a veins pulsed in his temple. Nuil stepped closer to her brother, in between the glaring males.

"I am not a child! I do not need to be coddled and safe guarded," she hissed. "I would have thought you to remember as such, _brother_." Nuil shook her head. "Has my time abroad ruined your opinion of my aptitude? Have I not shown myself?"

"As it stands you are still my sister, and as such you will act like it," Nogoth replied with a hard tone to his voice. "Too long have you run wild among these lands, there is danger now and you will heed the calls of your kin. I have a horse, we can make for Bree in a few days time." He reached for her arm, but she wrenched it free, stepping away from him.

"There is nothing you can do or say that will make me leave, Nogoth," she murmured. They shouldn't be fighting, that she knew. They were siblings, not rivals. Pain entered her hazel eyes. He should at least try to see her side, understand why she had to be here. "You are my brother, but they are also family."

"Family? Does family treat each other this way?" He gestured to her.

Nuil shook her head, tiredly. "I made a promise, you know I do not break my promises lightly."

"Even if it means throwing your life away?"

Nuil reeled away from Nogoth, stumbling to the ground. His words felt like a physical blow, but she saw the hurt and anger in her brothers eyes. She knew he would never feel the same way she felt about these dwarves. He hadn't watched two of them grow up since they were babes, he hadn't soothed their hurts, worries and tears. But she had.

She wouldn't just abandon them.

Even if it meant turning her back on her kin. It hurt. It was losing her parents and brothers all over again. Leaving Kili and Fili with their mourning mother, Dis. Leaving Thorin when he most likely needed her most. She made promises, she loved them.

Thorin set a hand on her shoulder, taking her hand in his other and helping her to her feet. His gaze was hard and his jaw was locked. He turned toward her brother, avoiding her eyes.

"Take her with you, she will be far safer with you than following us," he said. There was a trace of defeat in his voice. Nuil withdrew her hand from his with a sharp gasp.

"Thorin!"

Nogoth looked at the dwarf king, a new light entering his eyes. "I thank you, Thorin son of Thrain, son of Thror, King under the Mountain." Nuil pulled away from them both.

"You would send me away, just like that?" she breathed, hurt. Thorin would not look her in the eye and she felt the sting of tears. _How could he?!_ She had pledged her loyalty to him, she had promised. How could he send her away like this? Nogoth grabbed her arm, jerking her towards him.

"Let us go, little sister, we have much ground to travel," he told her firmly. She fought his grasp, finding him much stronger than she remembered. His hand held her firm and she kicked out at him. Several members of the company had risen, alarm on their faces.

"Unhand me, Nogoth," she growled loudly. With her free hand she raised it as if to strike him. Seeing this, he wrapped his arm around her waist and struck her midsection with a firm blow. Pain bloomed from her stomach, and black spots danced in her vision. She gasped before falling limp in his arms. Fili and Kili gave outraged yells.

"Put her down!"

"Let her go!"

Thorin stared at Nogoth, a fierce glare etched on his face. He said nothing however as he took Nuil to his horse, placing her in the saddle and climbing up behind her. He wanted nothing more than to smash the man's head into the ground, and take her limp form from him. But he wouldn't. Nuil was bent forward, eyes closed and breathing deeply. Nogoth looked down at Thorin who had yet to stop glaring at him.

"You have my thanks," he murmured.

* * *

"Aren't you going to stop him?" Fili demanded as Nogoth rode off into the night. His blue eyes blazed with ill restrained fury as he stomped over to Thorin. "You're just going to let him take her?!" Thorin glanced at his nephew, a mask of indifference on his face. He felt horrible, truly. But it was for her own good.

Kili stared after the retreating rider with a look of shock. Bilbo had risen from his bedroll, looking stricken. She was gone? Nuil was gone? Bilbo clutched her cloak tightly around his shoulders, feeling himself shake. He wanted to curl up and weep. She couldn't be gone. He turned his gaze to the leader of their company, a hurt and reproachful emotion in his wide blue eyes.

"Aren't you going to say something, uncle?" Kili asked softly, almost dejectedly.

What could he say? He had just willing sent away the one person that- he clenched his fists. It was for her own good, he kept reminding himself. He couldn't see her dead, not like Frerin and Eurig. Fili was staring at him with the utmost loathing he had ever seen on the lads face. It cut him like a knife, but it had to be.

"Get some rest," he told them firmly as he wandered to the edge of camp. There would be little sleep for him this night.

* * *

**As always, let me know if something doesn't make sense. **

**Special thank you to my reviewers!: Comics4theFeels, Sam0728, RALover89, Just4Me, and Fangirlatyourservice. Also thank you to my readers, and favoriters! Hopefully I've answered most of your questions, if not, let me know. I'll get back to responding to reviews once I get my schedule under control!**

**Probably will post another chapter Sunday. :3 Thorin you are in some serious trouble!**

**Read and Review!**

**~filimeala**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's, the rest is the works of J.R.R. Tolkien.**

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**"But maybe you never really had someone, she thought now. Maybe, no matter how much you loved them, they could slip through your fingers like water, and there was nothing you could do about it." **

**~Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels**

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT**

**T.A. 2941**

Fili and Kili remained stonily silent the next morning, refusing to even acknowledge Thorin, let alone look at him. They spoke with one another, keeping close and sometimes including the sullen hobbit as the day progressed. Whenever Thorin happened to look back, they were always glaring at him. As if their silent and reproachful treatment wasn't punishment enough- his feelings about the situation were eating at him.

Thorin felt horrible.

Everything was putting him on edge, and he was tired of the glares coming from his nephews. It usually didn't bother him that much when they were mad at him, all it took was a warm joke or an embrace from him and they were all smiles again. This . . . was different. Even the company was doing it, in their own subtly contempt way. Throughout the day they had mostly remained silent since last night's incident.

Even Gloin, the most outspoken against Nuil joining the company, seemed upset. Had they wished she stay behind and not come along? Hadn't they thought it the best? Thorin would've gladly gone to get her, seeing their reactions now, but he had to worry about his men. He couldn't go off after her. Not now at least.

_But now she was going to be safe_, his mind told him. She would be protected by her brothers.

He glanced at Gandalf, noting with a jolt that the wizard was even glaring at him. _Mahal!_ Was he being condemned by them all? He was their leader, their king, they should respect his decisions. He did what he thought was best. '_What you thought was best, or what eased your mind?'_ a treacherous part of him asked. He clenched his jaw.

"You all right, laddie?" Balin asked coming to ride beside him. Thorin glance over at the seasoned warrior, somewhat surprised by the lack of animosity.

"Don't worry about me, Balin," he grumbled lowly. "I will be fine."

"They're just upset," Balin continued as if he hadn't spoken. He meant the company and Thorin gave a small nod. "It's only shock, she was always there, but now she won't be. They don't understand why you sent her away. Perhaps they will in time, but not yet."

Thorin said nothing, but silently hoped Balin's words were true.

"You love her, don't you."

It was not a question. He stiffened, keeping his gaze on the path ahead. Balin chuckled. "You don't have to deny what I already see, laddie. I recognize love when I see it. My question is, does she know?"

"I never denied anything," Thorin growled.

"Aye."

They rode in silence for a long stretch, listening to the occasional bird song and watching the trees above them. It was a fair day, a far cry from the rain they had been getting.

"You never answered my question," Balin finally said. Thorin grit his teeth, wishing away the the sensation of his gut twisting painfully.

"No, I don't believe she does."

Balin hummed, a glint in his eyes. Thorin knew that look. The old dwarf knew something he didn't. But he didn't ask. Though is grated on his nerves, and sent his temper spiking. He pressed his lips together in a firm line. His words were not entirely true, but his actions most likely made Nuil's affections towards him turn sour. At least now.

* * *

_She was leaving again, Fili and Kili wrapping themselves around her legs and begging her to stay. But she couldn't, there was a little lad out there she had promised she would return to for his birthday. His nephews faces fell and they looked at her with tear stricken faces._

"_Is he better than us?" Fili asked._

"_Oh, no, dearest," she murmured pulling him into a hug. "Like you, he holds a place in my heart, but you will always be on my mind."_

"_I bet he's better at the sword than we are," Kili mumbled dejectedly, sniffling, no doubt thinking of his lack of skill in that area. A sore spot for the young dwarf. Nuil ruffled his dark locks fondly and kissed his forehead._

"_Nay, he wouldn't know which end was which, mimel ze," she replied with a laugh. "He is like a babe compared to you."_

"_Oh," they said in unison, smiles lighting their faces. _

"_Please come back soon!" Kili begged as soon as she touched the door. Thorin stood at her side, ready to escort her from the city. Nuil smiled at him, then raised her eyes to Dis as she placed a hand on her sons shoulders. Dis looked well, tired from raising two wild sons, but well. _

"_I will," she promised. _

_They walked in near silence to the gates of Ered Luin, before he pulled her to the side. The small secluded alcove shielded them from prying eyes and he grasped her hands tightly within his own. Nuil met his eyes with confused hazel ones. _

"_Thorin, what-"_

"_Nuilweyil," he interrupted. He watched her swallow. The white column of her throat pulsing with the movement. He lifted his eyes, suddenly very uncertain. "Would you perhaps think of staying with us-"_

_She smiled at him. "I've done this, I remained here for ten years before having to leave. I don't understand what you are quite saying."_

"_I mean," he took a deep breath. He didn't do this, he had never done this before, there had never been anyone that he had even considered doing this with before. Yes, he had thought of marrying Rana, he nearly had, but she had never made him . . . feel like this. It was so much different than the wild abandon he had had with Rana. She wasn't Rana. Watching her with Fili and Kili, it had made him realize that he wanted- "Would you stay, with me."_

"_Thorin?" she breathed, eyes widening. "What about your people? You told me that you felt-"_

"_I'm not asking you to do this now," he said. "But when you are ready, Nuilweyil."_

_A brilliant red blush colored her cheeks, rising up from her throat. "I-I would greatly like that," she murmured. A smile came to his lips, a truly wonderful smile that she mirrored._

"_It would please you, to become my wife?"_

_She shyly met his eyes, "yes." A deep laugh escaped his lips and he held her close to him, elated. It brought him joy to know that she wanted him, like he wanted her. She was kind, and caring, while respecting him and his people. She was strong and of good heart. And he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. His only regret was that he took so long to ask her._

"_I will have to ask for your hand from your brothers then," he murmured. She laughed._

"_Indeed."_

_Then he kissed her._

* * *

Thorin almost smiled as the memory faded. He should have realized sooner that the lad she was going to was Master Baggins. But he still could feel the joy he had felt that day, when he had asked, the elation of her acceptance. The sadness of her parting. They had never acted on the words spoken that day, but he still felt the same.

She knew he wanted to marry her, but love her? He had never said the words.

Surely she was now of a different mind, angry and resentful of his actions. He had been less than kind as of late. The prospect sent despair through him, slowly eating away at him. She would hate him. He remained in silence for the rest of the day, stewing over his thoughts in silent agony.

He called for camp to be set up when they came upon an open clearing, the ruins of an old house standing in the center. The structure had a large gaping hole along the side and the only thing still standing strong was the stone fireplace. "We'll make camp here!" Thorin called to the rest of the company before dismounting. Gandalf ambled towards the farmhouse, a frown marring his face.

"I used to know a farmer and his family that lived here," he murmured quietly running his fingers over the broken stones. "I think it would be wiser to move on," he said turning towards him. Thorin felt a surge of anger towards the wizard. It was his decision, not the wizards. He approached with a heavy frown.

"We could make for the hidden valley."

"I have told you already," he murmured lowly, "I will not go near that _place_."

"Why not?" Gandalf asked as Thorin approached the fireplace. "The elves could help us, we could get food and rest, advice!"

Fury flashed through him, the wizard was a fool. "I do not need their advice," he said turning.

"We have a map that we cannot read, Lord Elrond could help us."

"_Help?_" Thorin scoffed. "A dragon attacks Erebor, what help came from the elves? Orcs plunder Moria, desecrate our sacred halls. The elves looked on and did nothing!" Fury rose with each word and he stepped toward the wizard, glaring up at him. Just thinking about those dirty back-stabbing tree lovers made him see red. "You ask me to seek the very people who betrayed my grandfather, betrayed my father."

Gandalf sighed furiously. "You are neither of them. I did not give you that map and key for you to hold onto the past."

"I did not know that they were your to keep," he growled. Gandalf heaved a sigh through his teeth, looking put out and angry. With a shake of his head he turned and stalked away. The hobbit turned to the wizard with worry in his eyes.

"Everything all right? Gandalf where are you going?" he asked holding onto Myrtle's reigns. Gandalf breezed by him.

"To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense," he replied.

"And who's that?" Bilbo asked.

"Myself! Mr. Baggins," he yelled. Bilbo's ears turned red and lowered his head. Thorin watched him go, fury still burning in his veins.

"Come on Bombur, we're hungry," he called to the fat dwarf, his gaze swept to the others. He snapped orders to them, jolting them out of watching the wizard stalk off into the trees. "Oin, Gloin, get a fire going. Fili, Kili watch the ponies."

They set to work at his commands, his nephews casting him loath filled looks before leading the ponies away. Thorin sighed. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Her head lolled on her shoulder, wind pulling at her hair as the steady rhythm of hoofs beating against the earth brought her out of her sleep. Her limbs felt chilled but her back was pleasantly warm. As she rocked back and forth, images of last night flashed in her mind and suddenly her eyes flew open. The first thing she thought was: _Where am I?_

Nuil turned her eyes to the land that was speeding past, taking in her surroundings. She was on a horse, in the middle of flat lands with her brother behind her. She sucked in a sharp breath, looking to see the sun rising in the East. They were going North at the moment.

"You're awake," murmured Nogoth from behind her. She stiffened. How could she forget him? What he did and how- how frustrating he had been. One of his arms was wrapped around her stomach to keep her from falling off, while the other was looped in the reigns.

"You _hit_ me," she breathed with disbelief. She could hardly believe it. In all her years no one had used force to make her do anything. At least not her brothers. They never laid a hand on her when they weren't sparring or mock fighting.

"I believe if I remember correctly, I stunned you," he replied self righteously. "You were getting out of hand."

"_Out of hand?_" she hissed outraged. "That gives you the right to treat me this way?" He didn't reply. Ah, she had got him. He knew what he did was wrong, he was just too proud to admit it. That alone made her temper spike. Nuil breathed out through her nose with annoyance. "Stop the horse."

He ignored her.

Typical of him.

"Stop the horse!" she said again. She was met with silence. Nuil huffed, gripping his arm tightly. Well, if he wasn't going to stop, then she was going to make him. Nuil would show him just how 'out of hand' she could be. Taking his arm that was wrapped around her waist, she latched onto it tightly and tilted sideways sharply as hard as she could.

Nogoth gave a yell of alarm before they toppled from the saddle. His hands still gripping the reins, pulling the horse flat on its side as it screamed. The siblings rolled, while the horse picked itself up watching its riders with wary eyes. Nuil lay on her back for a moment, breathing hard, regaining her breath. Slowly she rose shakily to her feet, glaring at Nogoth as he pick himself up.

"What in Manwe's name are you doing?" he snapped.

"I'm going back," she told him firmly. His eyes narrowed. "You can't stop me."

She turned and suddenly was knocked off her feet. She latched onto Nogoth's tunic as they rolled, with her landing on him. Nuil pushed him, and swung her free hand at him. He dodged and they rolled again. After several moments of scuffling in the grass, Nogoth had her pinned on the ground, her back pressed painfully into the dirt. His legs locked over hers and he held her hands beside her shoulders.

"Stop this!" he breathed heavily. "This is unlike you!"

"Is it? Is it, Nogoth?!" she shot back, straining against his hold. "How would you know? You must confess that you hardly know what I am like!"

"Don't go there, Nuil," he muttered darkly.

"Why? Because it hurts too much? Because you decided to stay and live where there was peace? Making Nurgon go alone?" She sneered. Nuil knew bringing up bad memories would either made him angry or morose. Both would suit her needs just fine at this point.

"You blame me?" he asked aghast.

"No," she said, "but I blame you for never being there."

"It wasn't my fault!" he screamed. "You forget that I stayed by your side when you came back, took care of you!"

"I know," she said suddenly soft, relaxing under his grip. Nogoth lessened his hold, sighing. "I know and I'm sorry." He frowned.

"There's nothing to be sorry-" SMACK. Nogoth reeled back, letting go of her hands, as pain erupted in his forehead. "By Manwe! Nuil!" He grimaced through slitted eyes, unable to see her reach for him, but feeling her grasp his shoulders.

"I _am_ sorry," she murmured, gritting her teeth.

SMACK.

Followed by a crunching sound.

Nogoth yelled, rolling away from her and clutching his face. He heard her yell as well, "Ah! You have the _hardest_ head in Middle Earth!" He could feel warm liquid oozing from between his fingers as his nose throbbed painfully. He watched her get to her feet, stumbling towards the horse. He reached towards her, pain making his face hurt.

"Nuil," he moaned. "_Stop._" He shut his eyes, unable to keep them open as his face throbbed. His nose felt like it was on fire.

She was suddenly at his side, pressing a piece of cloth into his hands. "This will stop the bleeding," she murmured before pressing a kiss to his brow. "I _am_ sorry, but they're my family too." Nuil rose up and moved away from him.

"Nuil, wait!"

He watched as she dropped his pack on the ground near him, resting his weapons on the top of it. Her pack was still tightly tied to the saddle. She heaved herself up, finding the height somewhat challenging due to her short stature. But once she was up she looked down at him, sadly and with remorse.

"I'll send the horse back once I catch up to them. You best not follow, brother," she told him before turning away. Then she paused, seeming to hesitate and consider a new thought. Glancing over her shoulder she gave him an impish sort of look. "Give the others my love." She clicked her tongue and the horse took off at a gallop, heading back East. Nogoth watched with wide eyes.

She stole his horse.

And broke his nose.

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**Long time, no see, huh? I was busy with school and soccer and homework, so I did get sidetracked by that. But I also got writers block for this story again. Mainly because I was reading a fanfiction a couple weeks ago and the author had a part that was really similar to a chapter that I've written and I was like, "That's almost exactly like mine" so I got really discouraged. Avoided writing and editing my chapters because I really don't feel like I'm getting what I want to get written conveyed properly. But I have been sick, so maybe it's just the illness talking. **

**Anyone seen the new Hobbit: DoS trailer? I know this is old but, I HAVE. :) I can honestly say I am PUMPED. :) :) :) Oh, and before I forget, I will be gone November because I am doing NaNoWriMo. First time ever, so I'm a little nervous. If I do happen to post that month, consider yourself lucky. Okay, on with the show.**

**Thank you to my reviewers and readers!: sunkissed13, Comis4theFeels, Sam0728, Just4Me, and uno mega. I know I should've posted sooner, but if your still with the story, I will try to more timely with the updates.**

**Hoping to post soon,**

**~filimeala**


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